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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26111581">You Cannot Close Your Heart to What it Fears and Needs to Know</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodgollyitswally/pseuds/goodgollyitswally'>goodgollyitswally</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Awkward Zuko (Avatar), Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, M/M, Other: See Story Notes, Pining, Pregnancy, Slow Burn, Swearing, Trans Character, Trans Sokka (Avatar), Trans Zuko (Avatar), Vomiting, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, trans author</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:55:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>40,533</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26111581</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodgollyitswally/pseuds/goodgollyitswally</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko makes a mistake. A <em>big</em> mistake, and has to learn to deal with the consequences.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iroh &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Izumi &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Jin &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang &amp; Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>195</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>586</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>A:tla</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks for reading! There are several warnings I did not tag because they only show up once/very briefly/are only mentioned. For this chapter:<br/>-miscarriage mention<br/>-incredibly brief, blink-and-you'll-miss-it, non-graphic sex scene (it's literally two lines long)<br/>-I know I tagged it, but there's seriously a lot of vomiting<br/>-sexual assault mention<br/>Also, there's a lot of angst in these first few chapters. I promise a happy ending is coming, for everyone involved :)<br/>The title is from "The Hardest Part of Love", from <em>Children of Eden.</em></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bread. Apple. Bile. Zuko clutched his stomach and sat hard on the dirt, wiping the spit off his mouth.</p>
<p>It wasn’t supposed to be like this.</p>
<p>This was supposed to be his chance to prove he could make it on his own, that he didn’t need anyone’s help. Instead, he was dry heaving into a patch of scrub on a desolate, arid road. Zuko had not eaten in over a day. <em>Maybe that’s why</em>, he lied to himself. <em>That’s why I’m sick. I just need food. </em>He knew why he had to vomit every few hours, and why he had been doing so for the past month. It had happened about a month ago, as far as he could remember. He had lost all sense of time in this forsaken place. Every gnarled tree and barren bush looked the same when he knelt over it, barfing up what precious little food he had managed to rustle up. The sun rose and set in the blink of an eye, and yet somehow each day felt like a lifetime. The years he and Uncle spent aboard the ship had been similar, the passage of time marked only by the medicine he took every day. That medicine might have prevented his current predicament—along with stripping the baby fat from his cheeks, deepening his voice, and sprouting a few measly facial hairs, the doctor had said it would also induce infertility. <em>He didn’t mention it wasn’t permanent. </em>But that medicine had been destroyed with the rest of his belongings when the pirates blew up his ship. He hadn’t taken it in several months. Much of the effects had stayed the same—his face was gaunter than ever, and several small hairs clung stubbornly to his upper lip. Foolishly, Zuko had believed the medicine would protect him. Now he was paying the price for his foolishness.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The first town he passed through all those days ago had an inn situated above a tavern. <em>I deserve to sleep in a real bed, </em>he thought. <em>I’ve walked for miles. I slept in the dirt the past three days. My back aches. My legs ache. I deserve this. </em>The only problem was money. He had left half of the money with Uncle, and spent most of his half on food. Zuko only had handful of coins left. Not enough to buy a bed, but enough to buy a drink. That was all he needed.</p>
<p>The tavern was lively despite the late hour. Perhaps it was the end of the work week. Even then, he had lost track of time. In spite of the lively atmosphere, the tavern stunk of unwashed people and spilt drinks. Wizened old men, backs stooped from a lifetime of labor, hunched over a pai sho board. Middle-aged men and women stuck their dirty shoes up on equally filthy tables as they drank. The tavern echoed with their raucous laughter. There was also a smattering of younger people, people more Zuko’s age. They were who he was after.</p>
<p>No one looked up when he came in. The citizens of this town were more concerned with their drinks and their gossip than a stranger, which suited Zuko well. He briefly thought about sidling up to the bar and trying to garner pity from the bar tender, but decided against it when he saw it was a scowling old woman who snapped at nearby patrons and used spit to shine the glasses.</p>
<p>Zuko braved the old woman’s temper, bought the cheapest, least foul-smelling drink, and turned his eyes to a crowd of younger patrons. He scanned their clothing: green, green, green. Who among them might be a traveler, staying at the inn? He waited at the bar for half an hour, pretending to sip his drink and incurring more than a few glares from the bar tender. He watched and listened, straining to hear anyone mention travelling, any unusual accents. As a large group of young people headed home for the night, his prayers were answered. The door blew open and in walked a tall young man with black hair and tan skin. He strode to the bar with purpose, took off his hat, and positively roared to no one in particular, “You would not <em>believe </em>the journey I’ve had! Pass me one those,” he said, pointing at a foamy green drink. He pulled out a jangling coin purse as Zuko tried not to stare.</p>
<p>“I left Omashu weeks ago,” the stranger began, again to no one, “and this is only the third inn I’ve seen. Can you believe it?” With this he turned to Zuko. “I am definitely going to sleep well tonight. Are you a local, or are you passing through too?” Zuko smiled. He was also going to sleep well tonight.</p>
<p>This was the part he dreaded: actually putting his plan into action. The young man was decent looking and liked to run his mouth, but the plan depended on Zuko’s acting like a normal human being with social skills and normal human interests. He couldn’t exactly commiserate about how difficult hunting the Avatar was, could he? Fortunately, Zuko didn’t need to worry about social skills because the man seemed far too eager to be talking to a mysterious stranger in a run-down bar. As he chattered incessantly, his cheeks grew flushed. It was probably the fumes in the poorly ventilated room—Zuko could feel himself getting warm, too. The young man couldn’t stop smiling as he put his hand on Zuko’s knee and leaned in way closer than was necessary for a conversation about Earth Kingdom geography. Zuko plastered on a fake smile and leaned forward. The young man turned to the bartender with his perpetual grin and excitedly garbled out a request for a room for the night, plunking coins on the grimy countertop. Everything was going according to plan.</p>
<p>He wasn’t quite sure <em>what </em>he expected, but Zuko had expected the next part to be at least semi-enjoyable. However, it was over before he even realized it. One, two, three thrusts, and the stranger groaned and collapsed on Zuko’s back. For a brief second Zuko thought the worst: he had seduced a stranger into renting a room for the night, and the stranger had died on top of him. How would he explain that to Uncle? Then he remembered his Uncle wasn’t there, but was many miles behind, probably begging for food. At the same moment, the young man snored, loud and wet in Zuko’s ear.</p>
<p>Zuko heaved the man off and got up. After watching to make sure he was really sleeping and not dead, he pulled his pants back on. He could feel them getting sticky and shuddered. <em>Next order of business: find a river or a pond or a bucket of water. I’m filthy, </em>he thought. Putting aside thoughts of his griminess, Zuko put the rest of his clothes on and went about bundling up the stranger in bedsheets. He snored throughout. Zuko grabbed the young man under the arms and dragged him out of the room, depositing him outside the room. He went to lock the door, hesitated, and retrieved a flat pillow from the bed. Zuko placed it under the man’s head, then went back in and locked the door. He fished through the man’s discarded clothes, placed the fat coin purse in his own bag, then fell on the bed and slept like a rock.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He had been on the road for two months. The vomiting had blessedly subsided but had been replaced with anxiety and shame, which thrummed in his head all the long days. As time went on, it seemed to Zuko that leaving Uncle and setting out on his own was not as good an idea as he thought it was. <em>If I had stayed with Uncle, I wouldn’t have stopped at that inn. I wouldn’t have spent the past month vomiting and passing out at every damned bush in this forsaken country. I might even be closer to Ba Sing Se at this point. I might even </em>be<em> there by now. I’m such a fool</em>, he thought, as the sun beat down on the back of his neck. <em>I deserve this—the nausea, the hunger, the sunburns—everything. </em></p>
<p>There was fear, too. Not just of rogue Earth Kingdom soldiers, or the constant threat of Azula, but of the thing growing inside him. <em>And what Uncle will think? I can’t even take care of myself. How can I take care of something so helpless? So weak? Uncle will be disgusted with me. He won’t want anything to do with me. How could I betray him this way? Betray my family?</em></p>
<p>Zuko thought of little else during the day. He had options, of course—he knew precious little about babies and childrearing, but he knew pregnancy loss was possible. It had happened to Mai’s mother many times. For a couple months she would preen, fan about the court with her hands cradling her still-flat stomach. Then suddenly she would sequester herself in her rooms, only to emerge and spend the next few months weeping and wearing black. Zuko had never understood why it affected her so much. The loss of a child was one thing, of course. He was still haunted by Uncle Iroh’s haggard, lifeless appearance when he returned home from the siege of Ba Sing Se after his cousin’s death. But Mai’s mother didn’t lose a real child—just the thought of one. So why did it affect her so much? <em>Maybe I’ll find out, </em>Zuko thought. <em>I can only hope. </em></p>
<p>He was the crown prince of the Fire Nation. He needed to capture the Avatar and restore his honor. He needed his father to welcome him back home with open arms. He needed to survive his immediate circumstances and find his Uncle. The regrettable result of his poor decisions and entitled thinking had no place in his life.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zuko blinked in the light of the setting sun, hoping that the silhouette he saw was of a house, not another rock. As he walked closer, he saw wisps of smoke leave the top of the silhouette and dissipate into the glare—definitely not a rock. Another silhouette moved closer to the shape, then seemed to turn to look at him. It <em>did</em> look at him—because next it raised an arm and waved. Zuko didn’t wave back, just picked up his pace. A house meant food, and meant a chance to sleep somewhere other than the hard-packed dirt. Though he would never admit it, a house also meant an opportunity to talk to someone other than himself, something that was hard to come by the past few days.</p>
<p>Pulling his hat lower, Zuko approached the small, ramshackle house. The man that had waved at him was still standing outside, holding his own hat in his hands.</p>
<p>“Hello there,” began the man, his tone warm as a rock in the sun. “I thought I saw someone coming down the road. I half thought you were a mirage, as we don’t get many travelers this way,” he said, smiling broadly at Zuko, whose face was in its neutral scowl.</p>
<p>“I’m Peng, and my wife, Haoyu, is inside,” he said, nodding towards the open doorway. Zuko could see candlelight inside, and smell food cooking. “She’s making dinner, if you want join us.” Peng looked expectantly at Zuko. He hadn’t had a proper meal in over a week. How could he say no?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dinner immediately got off to an awkward start. Zuko walked into the house and flinched when he saw Haoyu, a woman with long black hair setting the table, who was visibly pregnant. The reality of what he had been trying to escape smacked him in the face, and he stood in the doorway, hesitant, until Peng gave him a gentle nudge.</p>
<p>“She won’t bite, I promise,” he said, stepping around a frozen Zuko. Eventually, he gathered his tact and stalked awkwardly to a chair, folding stiffly into it. Peng and Haoyu talked amongst themselves, and Zuko ate, stuffing rice in his mouth whenever the couple turned towards him, to avoid answering questions. However, too soon, the rice ran out, and Zuko was forced to participate in conversation.</p>
<p>“So, Lee—” they had managed to get a name out of him— “what do <em>you</em> think we should name the baby?” asked Haoyu, laying a hand on her stomach. “For a girl, we’ve decided on Meiyi, but we’re still torn over boy’s names. Which do you like better: Jian or Fulin?”</p>
<p>“Or Peng Junior!” said Peng, his wife casting him a good-natured smile.</p>
<p>Zuko fidgeted, looking down at his lap. “Um. Jian. That’s a strong name,” he finally got out, drawing another smile from Haoyu.</p>
<p>“That’s exactly what I think,” she said. “Boy or girl, I know this baby’s going to be strong.”</p>
<p>“How do you know?” Zuko asked suddenly, surprising even himself. “You haven’t even met it yet,” he continued, riding the wave of unexpected brashness. Haoyu seemed unfazed.</p>
<p>“I can just tell,” she said, rubbing her stomach as Peng got up to clear the dishes. The fond look on her face was quickly covered by a cloud of worry. “They’re going to have to be,” she said. “Things are getting tougher. Times are getting leaner. And every day, on the far road, we see refugees pass, headed to Ba Sing Se. The Fire Nation is driving more people from their homes.” She looked down. “I just hope they don’t come for us before the baby is born.”</p>
<p>Zuko, energized by his first full meal in ages, was more than ready to argue during his first full conversation in ages. “If the world is such an awful place, why are you even having a baby? You’ve seen the future—you see it walking down the road, night and day. How could you bring another person into this? What gives you the right to subject a child to this kind of life?”</p>
<p>“Hey now—” began Peng, moving towards Zuko until his wife cut him off with a wave of her hand.</p>
<p>“It’s all right,” she said, first to Peng, then to Zuko. “It’s all right. I understand where you’re coming from. Honestly, I struggle with it, too,” she said, fixing her level gaze on Zuko. “Sometimes I feel like there is no end, that the war and suffering will last forever. But it can’t. There <em>has </em>to be an end. And I can’t fight—I’m not fit to be a soldier. But this is my resistance. Surviving, and ensuring the survival of the next generation in the face of an enemy who wants me gone. And who knows?” She laughed gently, her gaze drifting to a spot in the distance. “The war has to end someday. Maybe the baby’s generation will be the one to end it. And yes, I guess it’s kind of selfish. But that’s just something they’ll have to forgive me for one day.”</p>
<p>Zuko sat in silence, struggling to quell the emotional maelstrom brewing inside of him. He hadn’t thought that way before. He knew the war wasn’t as bad as Haoyu made it out to be (or at least, he <em>thought </em>it wasn’t) but survival as resistance intrigued him. Is that what he was doing? Was he spiting the Fire Nation by living? Was the thing inside him an even greater way to get back at those that wanted him dead?</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” asked Haoyu, interrupting his train of thought. “You’re so quiet.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” he said, rising abruptly from his seat. “Yes. Do you mind if I… sleep in your shed?” he asked awkwardly, looking everywhere except at Haoyu.</p>
<p>“Of course, Peng can show you out,” she said graciously, finally rising from the table. “Thank you for joining us for dinner. And for conversation.” She smiled at him, and Zuko turned away as he felt something crack inside him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Laying on an old straw mattress in the shed, pulling a threadbare blanket tighter around his shoulders, Zuko’s thoughts turned inward. <em>What did mother think, when she was having me? Was she this scared? </em>He felt a stray tear slip out the corner of his eye before he rubbed it away. <em>I can’t afford to think about this. I can’t afford to want it. </em>He tried to quiet the doubt creeping in at the corners of his mind, but failed, before falling into a fitful sleep.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> Azula ambushed him an abandoned Earth Kingdom town. Desolate and dusty, the only thing that set the town apart from the many others Zuko had wandered through was the truly dilapidated state of the buildings. Even the most impoverished of villages hadn’t been this ruined.</p>
<p>Uncle was there too—Zuko was surprised at how physically it <em>hurt</em> to stop himself from running to him. He stood there, gaping at Uncle, opening and closing his mouth like a caught fish. But Zuko didn’t have time to wonder how to break the news to Uncle about his mistake. Before he knew it, the Avatar had appeared, along with his aggravating Water Tribe friends and short girl dressed in Earth Kingdom green.</p>
<p>After the tedium of the previous weeks, Zuko hardly even realized the ensuing fight was happening. He felt the heat of the fire shooting from his palms, heard Azula taunting him as he evaded her lightning. He was vaguely aware of the Avatar and his friends fighting, too—against Azula. <em>Really? </em>He thought. <em>They don’t even want to fight me anymore? Azula’s upstaged me in that, too? </em></p>
<p>He didn’t blame them. Azula was even more frightening than he remembered. She had always been powerful, but now she had mastered lightning and was blasting indiscriminately. Azula was strong, but the six of them managed to corner her.</p>
<p>“Well, Zuzu, it looks like you’ve made some friends. Do they know you’re a traitor, and a failure, too?” she said, in the same breath released a bolt of lightning. Zuko didn’t feel it hit—he only felt the back of his head slamming into the packed dirt. As the electricity subsided, the pain hit like a wave, radiating out from his abdomen. Without thinking, he curled up on his side, clutching his stomach.</p>
<p><em>No, </em>he thought, <em>no. </em>Just <em>no. </em></p>
<p>He squeezed his eyes shut and let the <em>no</em> echo throughout every nerve and bone in his body. He couldn’t move—he wouldn’t move—would not let go of his stomach until a second flash brought him back to the present. Zuko glanced up in time to see Uncle Iroh deflect—no, <em>redirect</em>—a bolt of Azula’s lightning back at her. The blown-out building she had been cornered in was reduced to pure rubble. When the dust cleared, she was gone, and Uncle was lying on the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suppressing the familiar urge to vomit, Zuko crawled over to where Uncle was lying motionless in dirt. Already the waterbender girl was there, a sparkling globe of water in her hands.</p>
<p>“I can heal him,” she said, moving towards Uncle. “Please, let me—”</p>
<p>“No!” Zuko snapped. “Get away from him!” He screamed at the Avatar’s friends, fire coming from his mouth unbidden. His tears hissed as they met the fire, evaporating in an instant. The kids backed off, and Zuko turned back to Uncle. He bent his head to Uncle’s burnt chest and wept, his tears soaking the clothing. He could feel the shallow rise and fall of his chest. Uncle was breathing, but his arm and chest were a patchwork of pink and angry red skin.</p>
<p>“Uncle,” Zuko sobbed, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He managed to drag Uncle into a building Azula’s lightning had missed. By the time Uncle awoke, Zuko had wrapped his burns as well as he could. He had begun to regret not letting the Water Tribe girl heal him.</p>
<p>“Prince Zuko,” Uncle said, his voice wheezing with effort as he sat upright. “You’re okay.”</p>
<p>“You’re not.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about me,” replied Uncle. “I’m glad to have found you again. I’ve missed you.” A pause, then, “Is that tea?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” said Zuko, scooting over to where Uncle sat. He offered the cup he had made with ingredients he found rummaging through an old chest in the corner of the room.</p>
<p>“Mmm. Thank you, nephew.” He took a sip, and strange look crossed his face. He coughed, and Zuko turned to grab his water skin. He offered the skin to Uncle, who gladly accepted, and drained the whole thing.</p>
<p>They sat in silence for a long moment, Uncle leaning back and closing his eyes, Zuko picking nervously at his nails.</p>
<p>“Uncle?” Zuko’s voice wavered.</p>
<p>“What is it, Prince Zuko?” Uncle asked, not opening his eyes.</p>
<p>Zuko swallowed. He felt his heart would leap out his mouth as he said, “I have something to tell you.”</p>
<p>Uncle made a noncommittal noise, but opened his eyes to gaze at Zuko.</p>
<p>Curling in on himself, Zuko spoke. “Please don’t be disappointed in me. I understand if you are, but please—” his voice caught. Zuko was breathing heavily, and although it was the cool nighttime, he had begun to sweat. “Please don’t leave me.”</p>
<p>Uncle was fully awake at this point. He pushed himself upright and placed his hand on Zuko’s shaking shoulder. “Nephew, nothing you can say will make me leave. Where would I go? I’m a traitor to the Fire Nation, and an enemy to all other nations. The only place I belong is here with you.”</p>
<p>Tears had begun to track down Zuko’s cheeks, dripping off his nose onto the floor. He tried to wipe them away but only succeeded in getting mud on his face.</p>
<p>“Uncle Iroh, I—I made a mistake. A big mistake. And now I’m…” his voice trailed off.</p>
<p>Uncle said nothing, just squeezed his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I’m with child,” Zuko whispered. Uncle’s hand went still.</p>
<p>Zuko pulled away, the tears coming freely. “I’m sorry Uncle, I’m so, so, sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking—I was so selfish and—and—and entitled, and—” he hiccupped, fully hyperventilating at this point. “I know that’s all I do, is screw up, and I’m <em>so sorry</em> to betray you like this, to betray everyone, and—and—gah!” he shouted, embers sparking at his fingertips. “I’m sorry, Uncle. I’ll leave now, if you want me to,” Zuko whispered. He curled back in on himself, eyeing Uncle, who hadn’t moved. They sat there like that for a long moment, the only sound Zuko’s sniffling and labored breathing. Then, slowly, Uncle leaned forward. He grabbed both of Zuko’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“Look at me.” Zuko raised his head, blearily blinking tears away. Uncle’s face was unmoving, but his eyes were glossy.</p>
<p>“Zuko, you have not betrayed me. You have not betrayed <em>anyone</em>. You said it yourself—you made a mistake. Don’t look away from me,” Uncle said, squeezing Zuko’s shoulders as his head dipped down. “Everyone makes mistakes. I mean, look at me: how many lives were lost in the siege on Ba Sing Se? And for what? I’d say that’s a pretty big mistake.” Zuko gaped at his Uncle.</p>
<p>“But—but that was part of the war. That’s not a mistake, that’s just a battle.”</p>
<p>Uncle’s mouth tightened into a line. “Any unnecessary loss of life is a mistake, Prince Zuko. But look what you’ve done. You haven’t taken anyone’s life. Instead, you’re creating it. That is, if you’re keeping it?” Uncle looked questioningly at him, not pressuring him to say one thing or another.</p>
<p>Zuko sniffed and wiped snot on his sleeve, nodding. “I didn’t think I wanted to, but today, when Azula hit me—and I thought that I might lose it—” He collapsed into tears again, and this time Uncle pulled him into a tight hug. He felt a hand rubbing in circles on his back as he cried, soaking Uncle’s bandages. Then the rubbing stopped, and Uncle said, “Prince Zuko, you weren’t… hurt? This isn’t the result of…” He trailed off, hesitating.</p>
<p>It took a moment to dawn on Zuko what his Uncle was referring to. The strange pain of parting returned as he pulled away from the hug.</p>
<p>“No, I wasn’t hurt or forced or anything. I told you, this is all my fault. I just made a stupid mistake, and now I have to deal with the consequences.”</p>
<p>Uncle nodded, folding both of Zuko’s hands into his own as his nephew bowed his head, sniffling.</p>
<p>“I understand. Though I must say, you shouldn’t call the child a mistake.”</p>
<p>“Why not? It’s the truth,” said Zuko, returning to his petulant self.</p>
<p>Uncle squeezed his hands and said, “It is not good for a child to feel unwanted, even if it is the truth. It’s like you said: you must deal with the consequences. <em>This</em> is one of the consequences,” he said, leaning forwards and lowering his voice in a conspiratorial tone. “It is your duty to <em>always </em>make this child feel wanted.” Uncle didn’t need to remind him of the results of a child being unloved and unwanted. Zuko could feel it every time he blinked.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Zuko nodded, “okay.” A pause, then a quiet, “Thank you, Uncle Iroh.”</p>
<p>Uncle smiled, even though Zuko couldn’t see it. “It is my duty, nephew.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>As the ferry steamed towards the walls of Ba Sing Se, Zuko clutched the railing and fought to keep his breakfast down. He raised his head and watched as the fins of sea creatures cut through the water in the distance. He instinctively put a hand to his stomach, still flat beneath his dingy green robes. In the month since he had told Uncle about the pregnancy, Zuko had developed a habit of mental narration at all hours. Trudging along the road, drinking tea, and now, standing on a ferry, heading to his new home: whatever he did, mundane or noteworthy, Zuko told the baby what was happening. If asked, he could not say for certain what he pictured when he talked to his child in his head. There was no definite image, just a glimpse of dark hair and small hands, and sometimes flashing eyes that reminded him of a younger Azula. For now, he told this phantom what he saw.</p>
<p>
  <em>I haven’t missed being on a boat. There’s not much to miss, unless you like getting seasick. But at least this one has a view. I can see some kind of fish, far off in the water. It looks huge. I think you would enjoy seeing them. Children like fish, right? Or maybe they would scare you. I was a sensitive child. Large, unknown sea beasts would have scared me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But we’re headed to Ba Sing Se—I know I’ve told you all about it. I don’t know what we’ll do when we get there, but I hope we stay put for a while. I’m sick and tired of traveling. I mean, I’ve been traveling for over three years! I think Uncle will want to stay, too. Maybe you’ll be born there. </em>
</p>
<p>Zuko’s thumb rubbed circles on his stomach. <em>Born. </em>He was having a child. <em>Within the next few months.</em> That was a terrifying thought, even scarier than giant sea monsters.</p>
<p><em>But it’s my duty. </em>You <em>are my duty, </em>he thought, turning to face the walls of Ba Sing Se, growing ever larger on the horizon.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zuko didn’t know if ordinary people were reincarnated, but if they were, Uncle Iroh was surely some kind of salesman in his past lives. Within a week of their arrival, he had secured jobs and housing for the two of them at a tea shop in the Lower Ring. It may have taken some negotiation to get them in the door, but once “Lee” and his uncle “Mushi” started work, they became local celebrities, or at least, Uncle did. Everyone came in for Uncle’s tea: laborers headed to work in the mornings, laborers headed home in the evenings, families with ten screaming children, even the Dai Li agents who stuck their feet up on tables and talked too loud.</p>
<p>It was hard work, standing on their feet all day for too little pay, and at night, Zuko and Uncle retreated to their shared room above the tea shop, just to wake at dawn the next day and start again. Despite their aching feet and constant yawns, Zuko had never seen his Uncle so happy. <em>He really enjoys this, </em>Zuko thought, watching Uncle chat with a large woman as he brewed her tea. <em>Maybe I could learn to enjoy it, too. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>***</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Tuesday! Here are the additional tags for Chapter Two:<br/>- brief dysphoria mention<br/>- child abuse/neglect mention<br/>- non-graphic depiction of childbirth<br/>- lots o' angst :)<br/>Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Five months along, Zuko finally began to show. Not so much that it attracted attention, but enough that he needed new clothing. Up until then, the faintest of bumps just made it look like he had eaten more than he actually did. He and Uncle went shopping on their afternoon off. Despite having worked in the most popular tea shop in the Lower Ring for two months, Zuko was still nervous about large crowds. Instead of squeezing through the bustling downtown market, the two wound their way through a narrow alley of clothing stores, avoiding racks of clothes and shoes and hats that jutted haphazardly into the street. Uncle insisted on stopping at every store and trying on every outfit in his size. Zuko stuck to the “sale” section, browsing clothing two sizes too big. At the first store, he grabbed a tunic and went to the salesperson, intending to buy it when Uncle grabbed his arm.</p>
<p>“Nephew, have you even tried that on?” Uncle asked, wearing a lime green robe and a straw hat.</p>
<p>Zuko pulled his arm away. “I don’t need to. It’s two sizes up, I know it’ll fit me,” he said.</p>
<p>Undeterred, Uncle took him by the shoulders and turned him around.</p>
<p>“Nonsense. I would like to see how you look in it. It’s been so long since we’ve had new clothes. And look at the variety! Wouldn’t you like to try on everything?” Uncle said, gesturing at the racks, heavy with clothing, that covered every wall.</p>
<p>“No, I wouldn’t,” snapped Zuko. “I’m going to try this one on, and then I’m going to buy it, and then we’re leaving. Okay, Uncle?” But Uncle had already turned to marvel at a jade green kimono with small pink flowers stitched on the sleeves.</p>
<p>Zuko was grateful for the absence of a mirror in the dressing room. He hadn’t looked in a mirror in months, out of fear of what he would see. Dysphoria had always made seeing his reflection difficult, and with the scar—Zuko cut off that train of thought. He had had that conversation with himself in his head many times. <em>It’s unproductive at this point. </em>Wary of being made to try the tunic on again, Zuko exited and looked around for Uncle. He was in a far corner of the shop, wearing the jade kimono and a bamboo sedge hat. Fumbling with arms full of other articles of clothing, he turned around when Zuko called and smiled at the sight of his nephew drowning in the overlarge tunic.</p>
<p>“You look so nice,” he said, without a hint of unkindness. “I think you should try this one, too. The color goes well with your eyes.” Before Zuko had a chance to complain, Uncle thrust another shirt his way. “Go try it on, I want to see how it looks.”</p>
<p>“But you just said it would look good!” Zuko protested.</p>
<p>“I want you to prove me right,” said Uncle. Uncle was right; the golden stitching on the hems brought out the gold in Zuko’s eyes. “You’re definitely getting that one,” he said when Zuko emerged. “And do you know what the best thing about that one is? There’s a shirt just like it in my size!”</p>
<p>At the end of the day they each had three new outfits. Each one of Uncle’s matched Zuko’s, but he could not bring himself to be mad about it.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Six months along, Zuko’s feet ached constantly. He never told Uncle about it, though he surely saw Zuko wincing as he wiggled his feet into too-small shoes. Risking backlash from the manager, he leaned on tables and countertops at work all day to lessen the pain.</p>
<p>Never one to be a martyr, on his day off, instead of staying home and resting his feet, Zuko braved a nearby food market. Hiding his face under his hat, he moved silently among the stalls, past grizzled old men hawking stringy fish, skinny, shoeless children snatching fruit and stuffing it in their shirts, and worn-out women in worn-out clothing. Zuko hardly spoke, opening his mouth only for mundanities like, “No, that one’s all bones,” or, “It’s gone soft, you can’t expect me to pay that much for a soft melon.” He filled his bag scrupulously, remembering to grab tea leaves for Uncle at his favorite store.</p>
<p>Zuko was on his way back to the teashop when a pair of wizened voices caught his hear. For a split, terrifying second, he believed it was Li and Lo, Azula’s geriatric mentors. Suppressing the urge to hide, he listened. No, these voices were different—kinder, like the speakers were smiling. Slowly, he looked around. Several feet ahead sat a squat fruit stand with a rickety awning that sheltered two old women. They sat on low-sunken chairs, with their wrinkled faces barely clearing the pile of peaches and oranges in front of them. Their voices carried over the din of the market, squawking like the turtleducks Zuko loved so well.</p>
<p>“I told you, my arthritis is acting up. We ought to go home. These peaches will go bad on a day like today,” one complained.</p>
<p>“No, no. We’re not leaving until this pile is down to my elbows. And I know you’re lying about the arthritis. It only acts up in cold weather, and today feels like a dragon has swallowed us whole!” said the other.</p>
<p>“Maybe if you didn’t yell at me we would have more customers!”</p>
<p>“Maybe we would have more customers if you stopped griping!”</p>
<p>Zuko slunk past, pulling his hat down, eager not to get involved in the women’s argument.</p>
<p>“You there, with the hat! Yes, you!” It was to no avail. He had been spotted. Zuko straightened up and, grimacing, turned towards the women.</p>
<p>“Come here, child,” said the complaining woman. Zuko, not wanting to interact with the women but also not wanting to draw attention to himself by insulting his elders, walked towards them. He grit his teeth as he stepped on a rock, sending a bolt of pain through his foot.</p>
<p>“Yes?” he asked, as politely as possible, once he was standing in front of the fruit stand.</p>
<p>The woman on the right, who had not been complaining about arthritis, smiled at him. “How far along are you?” she asked.</p>
<p>Zuko blinked. “Um. Six months,” he said sheepishly, pulling his bag in front of him.</p>
<p>“How old are you?” asked the one on the left, who’s smile revealed a row of missing teeth.</p>
<p>“I’ll be eighteen soon.”</p>
<p>The one on the right lit up. “So you’re seventeen! Oh, I remember being seventeen. That was a wonderful year. Of course, I was on my second child by then,” she said, leaning back so far in her chair that Zuko was afraid she would fall.</p>
<p>“Second?” squawked the left one. “When I was seventeen, I already had three!” Zuko was horrified. The two women threw their heads back and laughed, the sound bouncing down the street. They laughed for an entire minute. Zuko wanted to leave, but was at the same time compelled to stay and listen to the strange old women. Finally, wiping away a single tear, the right one straightened up. She smiled at Zuko again, her whole face wrinkling in a mess of crow’s feet.</p>
<p>“I can tell this is your first. Enjoy it—before you know it, they’re grown up, and all you have is the memories.”</p>
<p>“And when you’re as old as we are, even those begin to go!” said the left one.</p>
<p>The right woman grabbed a large peach and stuck her hand out to Zuko. “Take this,” she said. “You need to keep your energy up.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Zuko whispered, holding the peach. He slipped it in his bag and rummaged through his coin purse, feeling around for the right coins.</p>
<p>“No, no,” said the left one. “It’s all yours. Take this, too,” she said, handing him a bright orange.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” asked Zuko, still grasping his purse.</p>
<p>“Absolutely. Now go, go home,” said the right one, waving him off.</p>
<p>Zuko backed away without another word, cradling the orange. As he walked away, he could hear one of the women shout, “We won’t be able to make it to the baby shower, so consider those our gifts!” The other one laughed, then the first one joined in, and soon all Zuko could hear was their joy.</p>
<p>“And get a new pair of shoes! Just looking at you makes my feet hurt!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later that day, after dinner, Zuko cut up the perfect peach for desert.</p>
<p>“I hope you’re planning on sharing that with me,” said Uncle, who was busy brewing his fourth cup of tea.</p>
<p>“Sorry, Uncle,” said Zuko, peeling off the skin with his knife. “Those women said it was for the baby. And the baby <em>really </em>wants it.”</p>
<p>Uncle just laughed and went back to his tea. A minute later, he heard something slide across the table. Half the peach, peeled and sitting on a plate, was waiting for him. He looked at Zuko, who was tucking in to his half of the peach.</p>
<p>“What happened to the baby wanting the peach?” asked Uncle.</p>
<p>“The baby decided to share,” said Zuko.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Seven months in. Zuko awoke gasping, like a fish out of water. He jerked up and whirled around, still half asleep. He was no longer in the cramped upper level of the teashop, but in his own room in a fine apartment in the Middle Ring. An offer of their own shop had led him and Uncle here weeks ago, but frequent nightmares meant Zuko often woke up believing he was back in the Fire Nation, in his father’s throne room, or in a prison somewhere in Ba Sing Se.</p>
<p>Forcing himself to take deep breaths, Zuko laid back down. He closed his eyes and thought of happier days. <em>Turtleducks. The placid water of the pond. The smell of wet feathers and full nests. Someone’s hand on my hair—</em> The baby kicked, hard. His eyes shot open again. Nope. Sleep wasn’t coming tonight.</p>
<p>Zuko got out of bed, wrapping his blanket around his shoulders. If he had bothered to glance at the mirror, which he had recently uncovered, he would have seen his eyes shadowed with purple and blue, his eyelids drooping. Insomnia and nightmares had plagued him for weeks, making sleep near impossible most nights. He and Uncle had visited countless medicinal shops, brewed every kind of relaxing tea, even briefly considered acupuncture, but nothing worked.</p>
<p>Instead of counting pig-sheep in vain, Zuko decided to make the most of his sleepless nights. He quietly shuffled out of his room, taking care not to wake Uncle, who slept next door. He climbed a ladder to the roof, which took far more effort than he cared to admit. Once up, Zuko pulled the blanket all the way around him and leaned up against the shingles. Ba Sing Se slept below him. The lights of the Middle and Lower Rings sparkled. Gazing at the moon, full and low in the sky, Zuko could almost believe the lights were its reflection on water, and he was on a ship at sea again. He shuddered. Zuko never wanted to step foot on another ship as long as he lived.</p>
<p>Putting aside thoughts of ships and seas, Zuko put a hand on his middle and remembered why he was up there.</p>
<p>“It’s really mild out tonight. The breeze is kind of cold, but that’s why I brought my blanket. Anyway, it’s not like it bothers you. Only one of us has to suffer.” The baby kicked again.</p>
<p>“Oh, is that too negative?” Zuko smiled. “You’re right, Uncle told me to treat this as a positive thing. I just wish I could get some more sleep. I think that would make us both happier.” He paused a moment, rubbing circles with his thumb.</p>
<p>“How did I end up here?” he asked of the moon. She was silent. “How did <em>we </em>end up here?” This he directed to his stomach, the blanket stretched tight across it. “I mean, I know the technical aspects, but still. A few months ago, my purpose in life was finding the Avatar and returning home to my father.” His insides turned at the sound of those words. “Those words don’t have meaning to me anymore. I know the Fire Nation is supposed to be my home, but I haven’t felt at home there since I was a child. Since mother… left. And <em>father</em>?” Zuko snorted. “I’ve been thinking a lot about fathers. Since, you know, I am one. Or will be one.” He shook his head, trying to clear the tightness that came with that admission. “I see fathers with their children at the tea shop, and sometimes it makes me want to scream. Or cry. Maybe both at the same time. Not because they’re bad, but because they’re <em>just so kind</em>. You know? I am a prince. My mother told me I could and <em>would</em> have everything I ever wished, everything in the world. And these Earth Kingdom brats are getting what I was always deprived of. Their fathers will give them candy, or pull them onto their laps, or <em>hug </em>them, and I—” His voice choked up. Tears dripped off his chin, dampening the blanket. For a long moment Zuko sat there in the light of the moon, bathed in the silence of the night. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet.</p>
<p>“I’m going to be different. <em>I promise</em>. I’m not the man my father is. I’m not who my father is.” He had never spoken those words out loud. The realization shocked his tears dry, and left him speechless for a moment.</p>
<p>“I’m not like him, and that’s a <em>good </em>thing. My whole life, he tried to tell me that was bad. That I had committed some grievous sin by not being his perfect heir. That it was some kind of moral failing that prevented me from being the child he wanted. But I’m not that person. And I never will be. I’m better than him. I’m better than him.” Zuko rocked back and forth, pulling the blanket tighter. He sat on the roof for a while longer, watching the as moon sank lower and lower, until the first rays of morning peered over the outer walls. As he mentally prepared himself to start the day, he looked down one last time, and spoke quietly, with purpose.</p>
<p>“You are not a mistake. You are <em>wanted</em>. You don’t need to be perfect. I don’t expect you to be perfect. You do not exist to make me happy. I will do everything I can to keep you safe, and keep you happy. I promise.” He swallowed down tears and blinked blearily into the rising sun.</p>
<p>“You will have a good father.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Eight months along, Zuko threw up for the first time in ages. This time, it was anxiety, not nausea, that sent him racing for his neighbor’s shrubs. He sat with Uncle later, his head flat on the table. Uncle had just gotten up from rubbing Zuko’s back to brew a cup of tea, when Zuko spoke up.</p>
<p>“I don’t think I’m ready for this. Is it too late to back out?” he said, propping his head up on his arms, rubbing the indent the table had left on his forehead.</p>
<p>Uncle laughed.</p>
<p>“I’m serious!” protested Zuko. “I don’t know the first thing about babies. Like, how will I know when to feed it? Or change its diaper?” He froze. “I don’t even know <em>how</em> to change diapers!” Zuko flopped back down on the table. “I’m not cut out for this, Uncle,” he mumbled. He heard Uncle sit down at the table and set his tea away from Zuko’s head. Zuko felt a hand on his shoulder, but didn’t move.</p>
<p>“Do you want to know a secret, nephew?” asked Uncle, sipping his tea.</p>
<p>“What?” mumbled Zuko.</p>
<p>Uncle set his tea down. “No one is ready. I was not prepared when my son was born. Your mother was not prepared when you were born. It’s something you have to learn. Do you remember Mrs. Bai?” Zuko nodded. Mrs. Bai was a regular customer of the Jasmine Dragon who brought along all twelve of her children each visit. “I bet Mrs. Bai felt she was not ready for every single one of her children. And look at all her experience!” Uncle chortled.</p>
<p>“I’m not talking about Mrs. Bai, I’m talking about me,” Zuko groused.</p>
<p>“So am I.” They sat in silence for a moment, Uncle drinking his tea and Zuko contemplating running away again.</p>
<p>“I just feel so…different,” Zuko said, breaking the stillness. “Like, who am I anymore? My whole life, my purpose was to be better, to impress my father. Then my purpose was to find the Avatar. And now what? I don’t even know where the Avatar is!” Zuko sat up suddenly. “What if the Avatar appears after the baby is born?”</p>
<p>Uncle sipped his tea, unbothered. “Then I’ll babysit, and you can go chase the Avatar, if that’s what you want.”</p>
<p>“Ugh!” Zuko fell back down to the table, rattling the dishes set on it. “I don’t even know what I want. I don’t even know who I <em>am.</em> I just feel so… lost, Uncle Iroh.” The silence returned. Zuko picked at the tabletop as Uncle drank his tea, staring off into the distance. Once finished, he set the cup down, but did not look at Zuko. Finally, he spoke.</p>
<p>“Do you remember when your sister was born, Prince Zuko?” Zuko shook his head. Uncle breathed in deep. “When you heard that the new baby was a girl, you went to your mother and asked, ‘Can I be a boy now?’ You said that your parents had no need for two daughters, that it was better to have a daughter and son. And from then on, you were Prince Zuko, and you were so <em>happy. </em>Neither your mother nor I had ever seen you smile so much.” Uncle turned to look at his nephew, who was listening, enraptured. “You were so young then. You had just turned three. But you knew who you really were, despite everyone else in your world saying differently. And you knew what you wanted.” He reached out, placing a hand on Zuko’s head. “You have always known who you are. You have always known what you wanted. You just need to find it again.” Zuko swallowed, willing himself not to cry. But he was weak. He wiggled his way over to his Uncle and fell into his arms, sobbing. They sat there like that for a long while, Zuko half falling out of his chair, Uncle’s robe getting soaked. He rubbed circles on his back, the silence broken only by Uncle’s gentle shushing. Finally, Zuko pulled back.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Uncle,” he said, rubbing his eyes.</p>
<p>“You don’t need to thank me,” he replied, getting up to wash his long-abandoned tea cup.</p>
<p>A pause, and then: “I still don’t know how to change diapers, though.”</p>
<p>Uncle laughed again. His nephew was very resilient. “I think you should ask that kind girl I hired to help out at the shop. Jin, her name was. She told me the other day that she helped deliver her sister’s twins! If anyone knows about babies, it’s her.”</p>
<p>“Twins?” Zuko said incredulously. He flopped back down on the table. “I don’t even want to think about having twins.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Nine months. The baby was born a week before Zuko’s eighteenth birthday. Jin, the girl from the tea shop with the newborn niece and nephew, assisted him. Zuko had been in the apartment when the contractions began, debating the merits of an all-dessert diet with his midsection. He quickly called for Uncle, who sent Jin to help and began closing down the shop. If Zuko had been there, he would have seen Uncle shooing customers out, even those still drinking, saying, “My grandchild is being born!”</p>
<p>It was painful. Excruciating, even, but Zuko was no stranger to pain. <em>At least I’ll have something to show for it, </em>he thought. Something that wasn’t ugly or raw, that didn’t make people run away. Jin held his hand the whole time. Zuko was mortified. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this, so vulnerable and afraid. Also, she was technically his co-worker, even though they had never worked at the same time—she took over his job after Uncle forced him into paternity leave. <em>I’m totally resigning once this is over, </em>he thought, gritting his teeth as another wave of pain hit.</p>
<p>“Just keep breathing. You’re doing so well,” Jin said soothingly, smiling even though Zuko was squeezing her hand so tight he feared her fingers would break. That was her mantra for the next few hours: “Just keep breathing!”</p>
<p>It went on through the evening and into the night, until finally, when Zuko felt he could take it no more, it was over. He fell back, heaving, and closed his eyes. Suddenly, a cry. A thin, discordant wail, like a baby bird learning to sing. Mustering the last of his strength, he propped himself up on his elbows. Jin was cooing at the thing in her arms.</p>
<p>“Give me,” Zuko rasped. Jin wrapped it in a clean tea towel, smiling all the while.</p>
<p>“Congratulations,” she said. “It’s a girl.”</p>
<p><em>A girl. </em>By the light of the oil lamps, Zuko looked at the bundle that had been placed in his arms. Dark hair. A tiny, wrinkled nose. An impossibly small pink mouth that had stopped screaming and was now quietly crying. He put a finger to its hand, small and fine like a little doll’s. Without hesitation, it—<em>she</em>—wrapped her porcelain fingers around Zuko’s. She was here, and she was real—the person he had spent the past few months talking to, telling things he had never told another soul. She was <em>real. </em>An entire human being. Another spirit added to the world. Zuko had told himself, and told her, that she did not need to be perfect, but looking at her, he realized that promise was unnecessary. Minutes old, she was already perfect. Zuko was in awe, drinking in the sight of her wispy black hair, smushed red face, ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes, and, glittering in the lamplight, her deep blue eyes.</p>
<p>Jin had called Uncle into the room. He wasted no time running to Zuko and kneeling behind him, his breath catching at the sight of the baby.</p>
<p>“Oh, Zuko,” he said, similarly in awe. “You did it.”</p>
<p>“I did it,” Zuko echoed. “It’s a girl. Look at her hands,” said Zuko, turning towards Uncle. “I didn’t think they would be that small.” Uncle said nothing, just nodded and smiled, his eyes getting misty. Jin had gone down to the shop to wash soiled towels, and to get something for Zuko to eat. In her absence, the three of them sat there for a while, Zuko and Uncle admiring the baby, who had stopped crying and was now quietly blinking up at them. Suddenly, Zuko turned to Uncle.</p>
<p>“Uncle, her eyes are blue. Should they be blue?” he asked, his voice tinged with an all-too-familiar anxiety.</p>
<p>“All babies have blue eyes,” he replied. “My son did. You did. They’ll change in time.”</p>
<p>That triggered a new wave of concern. “Uncle, what if she’s not a firebender? What if she’s an earthbender? What if she has green eyes? A Fire Nation princess can’t be an earthbender. How will I explain that?” Zuko questioned, the baby bliss wearing off and his anxiety ratcheting up again.</p>
<p>In response, Uncle Iroh wrapped his arms around the two most precious things in his life. “Zuko, save your worries for another day. For now, she has blue eyes, a child of no nation. And look—” he said, lifting his head to gaze towards the open window. Outside, the sun was peeking over the walls of Ba Sing Se, the same walls Zuko had felt so small beneath all those months ago, its light painting the clouds red and pink. “The sun is rising,” said Uncle. “It is a new day, and you are a father. You have the rest of your life to worry. Enjoy this moment. You’ll never get it back.” At that, the baby stretched an arm free of the towel, reaching into an unfamiliar world. Her big blue eyes gazed up at her father, and she grabbed the front of his tunic in her tiny fingers. Zuko burst into tears, his words from earlier echoing in his head. <em>I promise. I promise. I promise. </em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Yumi! Yumi, get back here!” The plea floated up from the street below, reaching Zuko’s ears as he shuttered the window. It was accompanied by the delighted shrieks of a child who has outfoxed a parent. <em>Yumi</em>, he thought, turning back to where his daughter lay sleeping. <em>She could be a Yumi. </em> For the past week and a half, Zuko had just been calling her Baby. A name just seemed so final, like she would be her own person and not just an extension of him. A part of him was selfish and wanted to keep Baby by his side forever (or at least until she could take of herself). But still, having an unnamed baby was cumbersome—he called her Baby, Uncle called her “Your Daughter”, and Jin, who visited frequently, called the infant her Honorary Niece.</p>
<p>Zuko ran a finger over Baby’s dark hair, which was already growing in thick and fast.</p>
<p>“Do you feel like a Yumi?” he murmured. She kicked, screwed up her little face, and began to wail. Zuko sighed. “I’ll take that as a no.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How about Kazuko?” Uncle said one night, out of the blue.</p>
<p>“Huh?” Zuko looked up from where he was rocking Baby in his arms, mentally willing her to sleep. Jin had told him new babies were easy, but this? This was not easy.</p>
<p>“When I was a young man, I knew the most beautiful girl named Kazuko. She would walk around the palace with her friends all day, and I was so scared of her! I would climb a tree whenever I saw her coming. But one day I fell out of the tree, right in front of her. She and her friends all laughed at me, and I was so embarrassed, I didn’t leave my room for a week.” Uncle paused, then laughed heartily. Baby, who was just beginning to drift off, awoke again and cried. Zuko seethed.</p>
<p>“Uncle, you’re not helping,” he hissed. “I’m not naming my daughter after some random Fire Nation aristocrat. And Kazuko has my name in it,” he said even lower, wary of the open windows. “That’s just too weird.”</p>
<p>Uncle’s face softened. “I’m sorry, nephew. I was only trying to help.”</p>
<p>After many minutes of hushing and rocking, Baby finally fell asleep. As Zuko settled her in her crib, he said softly, “Besides, she doesn’t look like a Kazuko.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For Baby’s one-month birthday, Uncle closed the shop early. Jin bought tea cakes and sticky buns from a bakery nearby, Uncle decorated the apartment in stars cut from paper, and Zuko dressed the baby in a tiny Earth Kingdom-green robe, embroidered with turtleducks. The three of them gathered in the apartment to celebrate Baby.</p>
<p>“Seriously, Lee,” said Jin, wiping sticky sugar off her hands, “you need to name that baby. It’s been a month. If you don’t do it now, she’ll go the rest of her life without a name.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know,” said Zuko, rocking Baby in his arms. “It’s just that nothing feels right,” he said, stuffing another sticky bun in his mouth to avoid talking.</p>
<p>“Look inside yourself,” said Uncle, repeating advice Zuko had heard many times over. “Are there any names you have always liked? Names of people you once knew, names from stories?”</p>
<p>Zuko looked down at Baby, who was staring intently at Jin. “There is one name,” he began hesitantly, “but I don’t know if it’s right for her.”</p>
<p>“Well, what is it?” asked Jin, making a silly face at Baby.</p>
<p>“There was a story my mother used to tell me, about a little girl raised by dragons. The dragons were named Long and Ryu, and they called the little girl their dragon princess. Her name was Izumi,” he said.</p>
<p>“Izumi,” said Jin appreciatively. “That’s a beautiful name. You guys sure have a thing for dragons, don’t you? The Jasmine Dragon, dragon princess,” she said. Zuko made a non-committal sound, looking away.</p>
<p>Uncle’s face was glowing. He beamed at Zuko, and said, “Izumi is a <em>wonderful</em> name. I know your mother would love it.” He reached out and placed a hand on Zuko’s knee, at the same time not passing up an opportunity to tickle Baby’s toes. <br/>“Izumi.” Zuko moved his daughter into his arms, gazing down at her face, her dark hair, her blue eyes. She looked back, unblinking, and her lips parted and twisted upward. He gasped, wide-eyed.</p>
<p>“Did you guys see that? She just smiled!” Jin and Uncle both laughed.</p>
<p>“Lee, babies can’t smile on their own this young. She’s probably just using her diaper,” said Jin, who couldn’t stop smiling herself. Uncle was smiling, too.</p>
<p>“I think it’s a sign,” he said. “She likes the name.”</p>
<p>“Do you?” asked Zuko, putting his hand to hers so she could grip it. “Are you Izumi?” Another smile.</p>
<p>“Look! She did it again!” he cried, holding up his baby to show Jin and Uncle. Soon all three of them dissolved into laughter, and when the giggles subsided, it was settled.</p>
<p>“Okay. You’re Izumi now,” Zuko said seriously, addressing his daughter. “And you’re going to be Izumi forever. Understood?” She gurgled. “All right, understood.” Suddenly, a stink hit him. Jin was right—Izumi needed her diaper changed. Zuko wrinkled his nose, and Izumi screwed up her face to match.</p>
<p>“Ugh. Let’s go get you changed.”</p>
<p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please don't forget to leave kudos and comments (if you feel so inclined)! I seriously appreciate every single one :)<br/>Also, fun fact! Not all babies are born with blue eyes--many are actually born with brown eyes. However, that would give Zuko far less anxiety, so for the sake of drama, babies in this universe are born blue-eyed.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Tuesday! Here's Chapter Three, in which things start to go downhill. <br/>Additional warnings:<br/>-implied violence against children<br/>-mild depictions of violence (slightly more gruesome than canon-typical violence, but nothing outright gory)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time Izumi was six months old, Zuko felt like he had gotten a handle on fatherhood. He rose with the sun to feed and change Izumi, bounced her and played endless games of peek-a-boo while Uncle made breakfast. Since he had indeed resigned from his job as a waiter at the Jasmine Dragon (Uncle didn’t take it too hard, thankfully), he spent his days looking after Izumi, who was either on his hip or strapped to his chest. Jin had given him a baby carrier that was meant to be worn on his back, but the thought of not being able to see Izumi worried him. He knew it was irrational, his fear that someone would snatch the baby off his back, but it still gnawed at him. So on the front she went, through the marketplace and down to the canal, shopping and exploring the city with Zuko. In the evenings, he often brought Izumi down to the tea shop, where Uncle held her with one arm and brewed tea with the other, which impressed Zuko to no end (even though he’d never admit it). When she grew tired and began to cry, Zuko took her back to the apartment and put her to bed, usually falling asleep himself in the process. The sheer exhaustion of keeping up with and taking care of an infant seemed to have sapped his insomnia, and once Izumi was out, Zuko was down for the count, too.</p>
<p>The responsibilities of his new life had consumed Zuko, and he thought of little else. Occasionally thoughts of Azula or his father crossed his mind, or rarely, the Avatar, but these thoughts soon fled when Izumi babbled and demanded his attention. Just a few more months, and Zuko felt he might be able to forget the life he led before arriving in Ba Sing Se. Everyone knew him as Lee, the devoted young father with his doting Uncle, refugees who had pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and now ran the finest tea shop in the Middle Ring. He hadn’t firebent in ages, only to heat Izumi’s bathwater. Even then, he took pains to ensure no one, not even his daughter, saw him firebending. He shuttered every window and locked every door at bath time, and when it came time to heat the water, he threw a towel over Izumi’s head and listened to her giggle. They had a good life—despite being fugitives, Zuko felt far freer than he ever had in the Fire Nation. So why did he feel like he <em>couldn’t </em>forget?</p>
<p>On a rare rainy day, the illusion of a life Zuko had built for himself shattered. He was walking along the canal with Izumi, who didn’t seem to mind the rain. She was enjoying herself, babbling and trying to grab raindrops in her pudgy hands. Zuko endured the wetness for her sake, and was wondering how loud she would scream on the walk home when he spotted it. Damp and peeling off the wall, like the petal of some strange flower, was a poster. Waterlogged though it was, Zuko could make out the picture. It was the Avatar’s air bison, below text proclaiming “MISSING!” and “REWARD!”  He peeled the poster off the wall and ran back to the apartment, Izumi screaming with every step.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Uncle!” Uncle Iroh looked up from his book, <em>World’s Most Dangerous Teas, </em>startled by his nephew’s shouting.</p>
<p>“What?” he asked over the din of the increasing rain and his grandniece’s chattering.</p>
<p>“Look!” Zuko shouted, dripping puddles on the floor as he shoved the soaked poster in his Uncle’s face.</p>
<p>“Zuko, what is this?” asked Uncle, flicking water off his fingers as he took the poster.</p>
<p>“It’s the Avatar! He’s here in Ba Sing Se!” crowed Zuko, who was busy removing a soaking-wet Izumi from her carrier. He set about wrangling her into dry clothing as Uncle scrutinized the poster.</p>
<p>“I thought you were done chasing the Avatar,” Uncle said, carefully laying the poster on the table, so as not to tear it.</p>
<p>Zuko was struggling to get Izumi’s wet socks off. “I never thought I would be this close to him again,” he said, grunting with effort. “Izumi, don’t eat my shirt—I thought I was done, too, Uncle, but now—” he paused a moment, extracting his sleeve from Izumi’s gums. “But now he’s here! And I just feel like—” he turned back to Uncle.</p>
<p>“Didn’t you tell me that if I wanted to chase the Avatar again, you would watch the baby while I did that?”</p>
<p>“Did I?” mused Uncle, looking away.</p>
<p>“You did!” said Zuko, who was dangerously close to returning to shouting as he dug through a chest for something clean for Izumi to wear. “Those were almost your exact words—that I was free to chase the Avatar if that’s what I wanted, and you would watch the baby. Well?”</p>
<p>Uncle stared. “Well what?”</p>
<p>“Will you watch her for me?” said Zuko, who was definitely shouting now, clutching dry booties in one hand and tiny pants in the other.</p>
<p>“Is this really what you want, Prince Zuko?” asked Uncle, placid and nonjudgmental as ever.</p>
<p>“Yes!” Zuko was practically exploding with excitement and tension as he wrestled Izumi into the dry pants.</p>
<p>“But why? What is the point? What will you do with the Avatar when you catch him? Surely, you are not returning to your father,” said Uncle.</p>
<p>Zuko paused. Why<em> was </em>he doing this? He had already shared with Uncle his resolve not to be like his father, with the indirect message of him renouncing the Fire Nation. Why capture the Avatar if not to turn him over to his father?</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Uncle, I just feel like—this is something I have to do. For myself.”</p>
<p>Uncle sighed. His nephew was headstrong, and he recognized this tone. There was no talking him out of this.</p>
<p>“I will watch your daughter. But only for one night,” he said, “Then she’s your responsibility again. I’m not raising your child while you spend your life chasing a fantasy.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Uncle!” shouted Zuko, actively choosing to focus on one part of Uncle’s response. “Thank you,” he said again, quieter, as he went to hug him, getting Uncle’s robes wet in the process.</p>
<p>“Remember? Capturing the Avatar is my destiny,” Zuko said, breaking the embrace to tend to Izumi. Uncle grunted and Zuko knew he was lying to himself again. His destiny was currently on the floor, chewing on her thumb and wiping her slobbery hand on her father’s leg.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>True to form, he had no plan. At least, he <em>thought </em>he had a plan, and then halfway through, realized that plan was bunk and decided to make a new plan. Zuko stood in front of the Avatar’s beast, huffing and puffing through his mask, desperately trying to come up with a new, better plan. At first, his plan was to go straight to the Avatar’s house. Zuko soon ditched that plan when he realized the house would probably be crawling with the Avatar’s water- and earthbending friends, and possibly Dai Li agents. That led to his grand idea, which was to rescue the Avatar’s pet bison, and hold it for ransom. Or at least, say he was holding it for ransom so that the Avatar would come to him. Standing there under Lake Laogai, breathing in the smell of mildew, Zuko realized those were both very bad plans.</p>
<p>“All right, how are we getting out of here?” Zuko muttered to no one in particular. The beast bellowed at him. There was no way he could hide it in the apartment. Even though it was spacious, it wasn’t large enough to store an air bison and not have the neighbors notice. Maybe in a warehouse somewhere? But he had Izumi to look after, he couldn’t spend his time making sure the bison didn’t escape. Perhaps he could just leave it here, and wait for the Avatar to show up…</p>
<p>“You could walk away from this.” Zuko jumped out of his skin, whipping around and pulling out his swords in one fluid motion.</p>
<p>“Uncle? What are you doing here?” Zuko hissed.</p>
<p>“You should ask yourself the same thing,” said Uncle. He looked not mad, but disappointed. “Prince Zuko, I know this isn’t what you want. <em>Why </em>are you doing this?”</p>
<p>“You don’t understand, Uncle. I <em>have </em>to do this—” Uncle cut him off.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to! Who is forcing you? Your father?” The look Uncle gave him cut straight through him, and for a moment Zuko felt like a scared 11-year-old.</p>
<p>“I just—I can’t give up! I’ve spent the last three years of my life looking for him and now he’s right here and I can’t—I can’t—” Zuko stopped, his voice breaking. He pushed his mask up to rub at his eyes, furious with himself for tearing up.</p>
<p>“Zuko, my nephew, you are a good person.” Uncle’s voice was so kind, and somehow, that made it hurt even more. “Remember, you have always known who you are. You have always known what you wanted. Look inside yourself. What do you want?”</p>
<p>Zuko straightened up. “I want…” <em>To go home. To not live in fear. To be free, for once in my life. </em>“I want—wait. Where is my daughter?” Uncle was alone. There was no sleeping baby strapped to his back or his front. As though a switch had flipped, Zuko went from introspective to incensed. Uncle didn’t answer.</p>
<p>“Uncle Iroh, <em>where is my daughter?” </em>Zuko realized how threatening he may have appeared, dressed all in black with his swords raised, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.</p>
<p>“She’s with Jin. Jin is babysitting her,” said Uncle, reaching out his hands in an attempt to placate his angry nephew.</p>
<p>“<em>What?!”</em> Zuko’s shriek echoed around the cavern, drawing another cry from the air bison. “I asked <em>you </em>to watch my daughter and you pawned her off on someone else?” The fingertips of his gloves were beginning to smoke, and the damp ground he stood on hissed with steam.</p>
<p>“Zuko, it’s <em>Jin. </em>From the tea shop. She loves your daughter as if she were her own. She will do a good job looking after her,” Uncle said, but Zuko had already whirled around and was stalking towards the bison. With a clatter, he struck at the chains holding the beast to the ground, until the thing was free. It wasted no time in rising from the ground and escaping through the roof, leaving Zuko with one last bellow. Zuko turned back to his Uncle, still enraged.</p>
<p>“Don’t you trust Jin?” Uncle asked, without a hint of insincerity.</p>
<p>“No, I don’t—” <em>I don’t trust anyone</em>, Zuko thought, catching himself before voicing his thoughts. But it was true—why hold back? “I don’t trust anyone,” he snapped, making towards the exit. “I know what I want now. I want to go home and watch my daughter,” he said, brushing past Uncle. Uncle Iroh stifled a sigh and followed his nephew, trying to remember if he had been that headstrong as a young man.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>If Zuko had his way, he would have wallowed for a week after failing to capture so much as a glimpse of the Avatar. Fortunately for his uncle, a needy baby didn’t leave much time for wallowing. So Zuko sulked and pouted like a moody child, but ultimately got on with his life. He threw himself into caring for Izumi, all the while fighting the itch at the back of his mind that told him his destiny wasn’t fulfilled yet.</p>
<p>After about a month of the constant itch, the whispers started. Izumi was old enough to sit up on her own, so Zuko brought her to the Jasmine Dragon and let her sit behind the counter and play while he took orders. Uncle and Jin were glad for the help, and customers liked to listen to Izumi’s babbling.</p>
<p>The first thing Zuko noticed was the lack of Dai Li agents. They had been a constant presence in the shop, coming in at all hours, making lecherous comments at other customers until Zuko “accidentally” stepped on their booted feet. But in the seven or so months since Zuko had quit, the agents had vanished. <em>Maybe they got a new boss who doesn’t value time off. Or maybe Uncle finally kicked them out, for good. </em>Then he started listening.</p>
<p>A man Zuko knew worked in the royal palace (<em>Minister Wei?</em>) habitually sat at a table close to the counter. As he leaned in close to his dining companions, Zuko could hear snippets of conversation. “…in control…every order…she has them…missing…”. <em>She? </em>As far as Zuko knew, there were no or very few women on the Earth King’s council, or in the royal family. Who was the minister talking about?</p>
<p>One day, Zuko heard something that made his blood run cold. Izumi was fussy and demanding to be held, so Zuko held her on one hip and worked the register one-handed. Her chattering in his ear made his eavesdropping hard, but Zuko was persistent. He moved her to the other side so she could babble and bonk her toy horse against the other side of his head, the side further away from the minister’s table. He stepped closer and pretended not to care.</p>
<p>“She’s too strong!... does she want…with fire?” Zuko nearly dropped his daughter. <em>Fire. </em>Things clicked, and suddenly, Zuko felt exposed.</p>
<p>“Uncle! Get over here!” Zuko hissed, taking Izumi and speed walking away from the register, towards the exit.</p>
<p>“Nephew, it’s the middle of the day! What’s going on?” Uncle sounded suspicious, but he still went with Zuko. Back in the apartment, he gripped Izumi tight and turned to his Uncle.</p>
<p>“Uncle, she’s here.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zuko had never been more thankful for his Uncle’s paranoia. (If he thought about it, he wasn’t sure he had <em>ever</em> been thankful for it, but now was a good time to start.) The Dai Li agents that had been missing from the tea shop reappeared in full force as they were closing down one evening. Zuko, waiting tables in Jin’s stead since it was her day off, was thrown backwards over a table by the force of the handcuffs. It took everything in him not to light the table and everything else in the shop on fire. Patrons fled, screaming, some taking their tea cups with them. No one intervened, not even when the agents slammed Uncle Iroh’s head against the countertop, saying he was “resisting”. Zuko screamed for them to stop, while trying not to let stray sparks fly out of his mouth. He must not have tried hard enough, because he was cut off mid-scream when a backhand from a pair of handcuffs knocked him out cold.</p>
<p>They were kneeling in a room—<em>a throne room. </em>Well, Uncle was kneeling. Zuko was slumped over, head throbbing, face pressed to the cool marble floor when he came to. He knew what he would see when he looked up. It was the same thing that had haunted his nightmares since he was a child. Zuko could hear his father’s voice as he raised his head to gaze up at his baby sister, sitting on the throne. <em>I have a perfect heir now, </em>it said. <em>I don’t need you anymore. I </em>never <em>needed you. </em>Azula met his gaze, and smiled. She looked so much like Izumi.</p>
<p>“Thank goodness you’re here. Green never suited me,” she said, almost casually. “The sooner I’m back somewhere I can wear red, the better. It looks good on you, though. You and Uncle,” she added, swinging a leg over the side of the throne and reclining.</p>
<p>“Princess Azula, what is this madness?” asked Uncle, shuffling a few inches forward before a guard yanked him back. <br/>“It’s called my job. Capturing two traitors to the Fire Nation while… liberating this city from its inept leadership. What are <em>you </em>doing here?” She wrinkled her nose at them, and Zuko’s breath caught. Had Azula always looked this <em>young</em>? “Working in a tea shop, I heard? And you, Zuzu? My little birdies tell me you’re a babysitter.” His full-face scowl, intense and smoldering, told her everything she needed to know. Azula’s eyes lit up.</p>
<p>“You’re not a babysitter! The brat is <em>yours</em>!” she crowed, swinging her long legs back around and rising from the throne. She stalked down the steps towards them, while jeering, “Who’s the other father? Some street urchin? A criminal? A <em>failure</em>, like you?” She stopped in front of Zuko and Uncle, her guards taking their place behind her. Zuko could feel his hands heating up, threatening to singe the ragged edges of his sleeves. He fought to keep his breathing even, not to do anything to incur the Dai Li agents’ wrath.</p>
<p>Azula did not stoop to look at him, but instead smirked down at him.</p>
<p>“Father doesn’t need to know. In fact, he won’t. No one will.” She looked up and snapped her fingers. “Guards, find the brat. Bring it to me.” A group of four agents broke off and exited the throne room. If Zuko tried to speak now, he would burn down the entire palace. Instead, he looked over at Uncle, desperate. He was—meditating? Uncle’s eyes were closed, and his breaths, slow and steady, filled his chest completely.</p>
<p>“I almost can’t believe it,” said Azula, this time looking at Uncle. “The Dragon of the West, using his fire to make tea.” She turned around, began walking back towards the throne, and stopped. Without bothering to look back, she asked, “Why did they even call you that? Wait, never mind—I just realized I don’t care.” She started walking again, making it halfway up the steps before Uncle spoke.</p>
<p>“I know you never had patience for my stories, Princess Azula, but would you like a demonstration?” With that, Uncle rose to his feet. Zuko, knowing what was coming, pressed himself to the ground. Before the guards could move, Uncle opened his mouth and flames poured out, hot and wild like a forest fire. Zuko could hear the screams of the guards and Azula shouting orders as he worked to get his handcuffs free. Suddenly, they fell off his wrists, limp as a dead creature. The agent holding them there must have lost control—was that him, the one writhing on the floor with his tunic ablaze? Zuko had no time to ponder. He twisted around, whirling one foot up to break through Uncle’s handcuffs. The Dai Li agents, scorched and terrified, were no match for them.</p>
<p>The fight was over before it began. When the smoke cleared, Zuko and Uncle were surrounded by the blackened remains of several Dai Li agents. Azula was nowhere to be seen.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>At the same time that Zuko and Uncle were catching their breath, Azula was fleeing through a myriad of hallways, and Dai Li agents were breaking down the front door of the apartment above the Jasmine Dragon, a family was sitting down for dinner in the second floor of a small house in the Lower Ring. Bei Bei was <em>staring. </em>He and his sister, Mei Mei, were the only babies in the family, or at least he had thought so. But this afternoon, when he woke from his nap, there was another baby in his room. She looked like him and Mei Mei: black hair, pudgy cheeks, a little smaller but not noticeably so. Bei Bei didn’t trust her, not one bit. Sure, she looked cute, sitting in Auntie’s lap, getting milk all over her face, but there was something off about her. Mei Mei didn’t seem to care. She and the strange new baby had spent an hour crawling around the house, squealing and grabbing each other’s feet. Bei Bei had decided to cry instead, so that mama would pay attention to him. But now it was dinnertime, and Bei Bei was expected to be civilized and not cause problems at the table. So, he settled for staring, watching the interloper, waiting for her to slip up. It was a tough job, but someone had to do it. However, the bean paste mama offered proved irresistible, and soon, with bean paste in his hair, Bei Bei forgot all about the strange baby.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They all but ran to the street along the canal, avoiding puddles of lamplight and stray glances from citizens of Ba Sing Se who were up far too late. Some weeks before, Uncle had placed two packs full of food and baby clothes behind a thick hedge. The apartment was swarming with Dai Li agents, who had not found their quarry but waited for Zuko or Uncle to return; they had heard the commotion from a back alley as they ran.</p>
<p>Zuko, his head still swimming, lunged under the shrub and pulled out their packs, inflicting a few scratches in the process. He wiped the blood away, staining his scorched sleeves. It was quiet for a moment as he and Uncle paused to catch their breath, the only sound the owl-cats cooing in the eaves of nearby buildings.</p>
<p>“I have to go get her,” Zuko whispered, fearful of breaking the silence. “Make sure she’s safe.”</p>
<p>Uncle nodded. “Nephew…” he began, trailing off. His face twisted and his throat bobbed, opening and closing his mouth several times before he finally said, “Give my grandniece a hug for me.”</p>
<p>Zuko, in the middle of wiping sweat off his forehead with his already filthy sleeve, froze. “What do you mean?” he said, far louder than he meant to. “You’re coming with us,” he said, quieter.</p>
<p>Uncle shook his head, and Zuko felt a pain he hadn’t felt in a long time. “No. You and your daughter need to leave. We can’t risk her falling into Azula’s hands. I can draw the Dai Li’s attention, while you two flee the city.” Already Zuko was shaking his head, protesting.</p>
<p>“No, no, Uncle, you can’t—” Uncle cut him off.</p>
<p>“Yes, I can. You know what will happen to her, and to you, if you’re found.”</p>
<p>“But Uncle, what will I do? Where will I go? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!”</p>
<p>Uncle Iroh just smiled at his nephew, so kind and brave. He patted his cheek with a warm, wide hand, and Zuko had to squeeze his eyes shut to stop the tears from spilling.</p>
<p>“My child, you have always known what to do.” He turned without another word, and without so much as a backward glance, headed swiftly down the canal street, back towards the apartment.</p>
<p>Zuko stood gaping for a moment, his mouth hanging open like a dead fish. The realization that he was all alone again hit him, followed by the dread of knowing his daughter was in danger. He shook his head, wiped his eyes, and ran the opposite direction, towards the wall of the Middle Ring. Izumi needed him, and he needed her.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Jin startled awake. Someone was silhouetted against the moonlight streaming in from the open window in the bedroom she shared with her sister and her sister’s children. There was a <em>man</em> in her bedroom, and he was reaching into the crib that tonight held three babies.</p>
<p>“Get away from them!” she hissed, rolling to her feet and grabbing the knife she had decided to keep under her pillow tonight. The stranger turned, and even in the dim light, Jin could see his eyes, gold-orange and burning.</p>
<p>“Lee,” she whispered, not wanting to wake her sister and have to explain why a strange man was in their bedroom.</p>
<p>Zuko lifted a still-sleeping Izumi out of the crib and situated her in the baby carrier on his chest. Jin, still holding her knife, tip-toed over to him and helped fasten the straps.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?” she asked. Zuko turned away, stroking Izumi’s hair.</p>
<p>“We’re leaving. We’re not safe in the city anymore. We never were.” His lips pressed into a thin smile as he turned back to Jin, who was stammering. “I think you need to find a new job, Jin. Uncle—” The smile disappeared. “Uncle’s leaving, too.”</p>
<p>“Lee, are you okay? What do you mean you’re in danger?”</p>
<p>“I <em>mean</em>, Izumi and I are leaving Ba Sing Se. Right now. Goodbye, Jin.” He started to make his way towards the window.</p>
<p>“Lee, wait—” Zuko turned and caught her outstretched hand. “Where are you going?” she asked, resigned. A look passed over his face, one Jin had seen many times before, like when she taught him how to change a diaper for the first time, or when he realized how hard bathing a baby was. It was a lost, shipwrecked kind of look, like Lee was stranded in a strange land with strange customs, and was finally realizing he would never return home.</p>
<p>He shook his head, and said, “I don’t know. Somewhere far away from here.” In the brief pause that followed, they could both hear the babies breathing, soft as the sound of wind in a seashell. Zuko let go of Jin’s hand, placing both of his hands on Izumi’s back. “Thank you, Jin.” He turned away again, moving towards the window before pausing. His head turned back a few degrees, not really looking at Jin, and added, “For everything,” before clambering out the window into the still night.</p>
<p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Surprise! I'll be posting Chapter Four this evening. Once again, thank you for reading, and as always, don't forget to leave comments/kudos (if you feel so inclined)! <br/>PS: I couldn't remember how Appa actually escaped from Lake Laogai, so just pretend that there was a giant grate or something in the roof.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Tuesday!....again. I'm updating twice today, so here's Chapter Four. There aren't any additional warnings this time--but there are canon-typical references to child neglect/really bad parenting. Also, this is the chapter where the Sokka/Zuko tag finally comes into play :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They managed to escape Ba Sing Se by daybreak. The new day found Zuko and Izumi wandering an endless patchwork of rice and bean fields, moving ever further from the shadow of the wall. Zuko tilted his head forward, hoping the brim of his hat would also cover Izumi’s face. The sun was already miserable, and the treeless fields offered no respite.</p>
<p>“What are we going to do, Zuzu?” Zuko asked his daughter. In reply, she slapped the hand she had been chewing on against his face, leaving a smear of spit.</p>
<p>“Ba,” she said, patting her hand a few more times for emphasis.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Zuko grimaced and wiped her hand clean, then his face. It wasn’t lost on him that this was the opposite of the journey he made over a year ago, uncomfortable being pregnant, fearing his sister’s wrath. Not much had changed, in that regard. He was still afraid of what Azula could do, and now he was uncomfortable because of the sweaty, sticky baby strapped to his chest.</p>
<p>His thoughts turned to Azula. Raising Izumi had really helped him appreciate the differences between children, especially the differences that could exist between siblings. But he could easily remember a time when he and Azula <em>hadn’t</em> been that different. Zuko had adored his baby sister since the moment she was born. He had fed her spicy noodles in the days before she was able to hold utensils, and he had held her hands as she learned how to walk. Even as older children, they would chase each other around the palace playing tag (with Azula’s hands tied behind her back, “for fairness,” Zuko claimed). When did she become the heartless person he saw on the Earth King’s throne?</p>
<p>“Let’s approach this logically,” he said to baby Izumi, who babbled in agreement. “She could be acting this way because she’s just evil.” On the surface, that was plausible. When Zuko remembered what Azula ordered the Dai Li to do to Izumi, his fingertips burned and he exhaled smoke. But in his heart, he knew it just wasn’t true. Azula was his baby sister; he loved her as much as he hated her.</p>
<p>“So if she’s not evil, what’s making her act that way? Does she want attention?” Izumi stuck a finger up her nose. “She’s not lacking attention. She’s the only one that father ever cares about—” Zuko’s eyes widened. He was thrown back in time to the night he climbed up on the roof, when he carried Izumi under his heart instead of in his arms, and spoke to her in much the same way he was doing now. That was the night he swore to himself never to be the man his father was, that it was a <em>good </em>thing not to be like Ozai. The answer that had been hovering below the surface of his mind suddenly breached, yet it still came as a surprise.</p>
<p>“She’s doing it because of father,” Zuko seethed. “Just like when he sent me out on that wild goose-chase to capture the Avatar, he’s sending her out to do his bidding! And she does it, because—because—” She was too weak to say no? She <em>was </em>like their father, in the worst possible way?</p>
<p>“I don’t know why she’s going along with it, but she’s not going to stop,” Zuko whispered into Izumi’s hair. She squealed with delight as he planted a kiss on her forehead. “Azula isn’t going to stop chasing us until father—” <em>Is dead. </em>He hated how relieved those words made him feel.</p>
<p>Trudging along, Zuko thought about courses of action. Blessedly, there was a tree ahead, a thin, twisted thing, but the first tree he had seen in miles. He took the opportunity to stop and feed Izumi, who enjoyed her chance to stick new, unfamiliar dirt in her mouth. His second epiphany that day hit him as he struggled to get a wriggly Izumi back in her carrier.<em> I can’t stop father myself, but I know someone who can. </em>He groaned inwardly, finally succeeding in getting a now cranky Izumi strapped in.</p>
<p>“I <em>just </em>let the Avatar go, and now I need to find him again. To kill my dad. Great.” Izumi screamed, and Zuko did his best to bounce her as he set off down the road again. “I guess we’re both hunting the Avatar now, baby. Doesn’t that sound fun?” She kept screaming.</p>
<p>“But <em>how </em>are we going to find him?” He couldn’t head back to Ba Sing Se. The minute he stepped foot in the city, the Dai Li would be all over him. That also meant the Avatar wouldn’t be staying long, either. Surely Azula had caught wind of his presence by now.</p>
<p>“One step ahead, Izumi. Where would the Avatar head next?” He thought of an Air Temple, the first one he and Uncle had visited all those years ago. It was deserted, and as far as Zuko knew, no one had attacked it in over one hundred years.</p>
<p>“What do you think, Zuzu? Does the Western Air Temple sound good?” Izumi stopped screaming and instead tried to stick her hand in Zuko’s mouth. “Okay, okay,” he laughed, pushing her hand away. “We’re going there.” <em>Oh boy. </em>The Western Air Temple was practically in the Fire Nation, and many, many miles away. It was going to be a long trip.</p>
<p>“We need a ride. How about an ostrich-horse? Should daddy steal an ostrich-horse?” he cooed, devolving into baby talk, thankful for the absence of people. Izumi giggled and grabbed at his face, before whacking her hands against her own head. Zuko smiled for the first time in what felt like ages.</p>
<p>“I’ll take that as a yes. All right, Izumi. Ostrich-horse it is.” Their shadows grew shorter under the climbing sun, as the walls of Ba Sing Se grew smaller and smaller, until they disappeared into the embrace of the horizon.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Even riding on the back of the commandeered ostrich-horse, it was slow going. It was over a month after fleeing Ba Sing Se that Zuko and Izumi arrived at the island home of the Western Air Temple. Izumi took off crawling the second Zuko placed her on the ground, rubbing his aching shoulders. He was not looking forward to the rest of the journey. They would be walking, the ostrich-horse having been sold to pay a seedy fisherman to sail them across the narrow strait that separated the island from the Earth Kingdom.</p>
<p>“Don’t touch that, Izumi.” The baby had propped herself up against a tree trunk and was stuffing an unknown bug in her mouth. “Didn’t I just feed you?” Zuko asked, swooping her up as she squealed, thankfully dropping the bug. After several unsuccessful attempts to wrangle her into the carrier, Zuko gave up and sat Izumi on his hip.</p>
<p>“Come on, we have to get going. Besides, you and I have a lot to talk about,” he said, bouncing Izumi who babbled her excitement.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“So, how are we going to do this, Zuzu?” A couple days had passed. Izumi was committed to her carrier boycott, so he was still carrying her in his arms as he hiked through mile after identical mile of thick forest.</p>
<p>“I don’t think they’re going to like me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re totally justified. Since I did, you know, chase them all over the world. And tried to capture the Avatar.” Izumi gurgled.</p>
<p>“So yeah, I did some…bad things. But that’s in the past now! I just hope they see it that way,” he said, looking to Izumi for her opinion. She was sucking her thumb, and blinked her wide amber eyes up at him. She was far too angelic for someone who had spent half the night crying, and the other half trying to eat twigs off the trees.</p>
<p>Zuko sighed. “What will I say to them? ‘Hello, Zuko here! I know I tried to hunt you down and ship you off to my father, but I’m good now. And I think I should help you, um, kill my dad.’” Izumi shouted.</p>
<p>“What? You think I should apologize to them? I guess you have a point.” Zuko pondered this a moment, switching his daughter to his other arm.</p>
<p>“’Hello! Sorry for chasing you halfway around the world, and for inadvertently setting my sister on your trail. And for attacking your village. And all the attempted kidnappings.’ No, that won’t work either! I don’t want to remind them of all the reasons they hate me.”</p>
<p>“Abababababa!” Izumi shrieked.</p>
<p>“What do you mean, ‘It’s okay if they hate you, as long as they like me’?” Zuko feigned shock and bounced Izumi, which drew a shriek of laughter out of her. “Of course they’ll like you. Everyone likes you, Zu,” he said, tickling Izumi’s dirty bare feet. The ensuing giggles were so shrill Zuko could hear nearby birds taking wing.</p>
<p>“Wait, what’s that in your mouth? Izumi, did you stick something in there when I wasn’t looking?” Taking advantage of his daughter’s open-mouthed laughter, Zuko gently stuck a (clean) finger in her mouth, pulling her lips back. There it sat in the bottom left of her mouth, its glossy white crown barely breaking through her gums: a tooth.</p>
<p>“Izumi! You have a tooth!” Zuko swung his daughter in front of him, holding her up by the armpits. She squealed and flapped her arms and legs, and in her wide grin, Zuko could clearly see the top of her first tooth.</p>
<p>“You know this means you have to eat real food now, okay? No more milk. And no more dirt or rocks, either.” Izumi smiled blithely. Zuko knew he would be pulling many more twigs and stones and unlucky insects out of her mouth in the future.</p>
<p>He swung her back to his hip. “Come on, baby. I bet we’re almost there. I can feel it.” Izumi babbled in agreement, each shout and shriek and giggle showing off her brand-new tooth.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Okay, we can do this.” Zuko was talking more to himself than to Izumi, who had blessedly fallen asleep an hour ago. She had given up her carrier boycott, much to the relief of Zuko’s arms, but teething had turned her into a fiend. She was up half the night wailing again, and chewed on anything she could get her grubby baby hands on. But for now, she was asleep, her head bobbing against Zuko’s shoulder blades with each step he took. He had moved her to his back. He wasn’t sure he wanted the Avatar and his friends to see her right away, and Izumi had been too tired to protest the change.</p>
<p>“We can do this, we can do this,” Zuko whispered to himself, grasping at the cliff face as he moved silently down the stairs that were cut out of it.</p>
<p>“Just tell them why you’re here, and what you want. And if all else fails, bring out the baby. They can’t say no to a baby.” Zuko knew the Avatar and his friends were there; camping above the cliffs at night, he could hear voices coming up from below, laughing and shouting. Also, he could smell the air bison. The thing needed a bath.</p>
<p>“I can do this, I can do this, I can—woah!” Zuko cut off a shout as part of a step crumbled, but not before a small sound escaped. The blood pounded in his ears as the lively sounds he had heard a moment ago stopped.</p>
<p><em>Deep breaths. Just breath, and</em>—he kept moving. He rounded a corner and with a heavy step, landed on the solid ground of the Western Air Temple. Zuko only had a moment of relief before he felt a cold blade on his throat.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?” It was the Water Tribe girl, a whirling globe of water held threateningly in her hands. The one holding the sword to his throat was the Water Tribe boy. They both glared at him with twin pairs of blue eyes, and Zuko couldn’t help but be reminded of Izumi, how her eyes had looked as a newborn.</p>
<p>“Explain yourself!” Zuko was jolted out of reminiscing by the Water Tribe boy shaking the sword menacingly at him.</p>
<p>“Um.” Zuko blanked. What was he going to say again? This had been so much easier to rehearse with Izumi. “Hello, Zuko here.” Yeah, they were never going to work with him. “You already know me from, uh, chasing you around a lot. And attacking your village. But I’m good now! I promise. And I know that you want to end the war. I do, too. And I can help you end it, by, uh…ending my father.” Silence. The Water Tribe siblings continued to glare at him, but with a hint of confusion narrowing their brows. They didn’t lower their weapons, though, the sword reflecting the morning sun and the water swirling menacingly.</p>
<p>“So…is the Avatar here?” Zuko asked, his voice cracking.</p>
<p>“Why do you want to know? So you can kidnap him again?” the girl snapped, raising her globe of water.</p>
<p>“No, no,” Zuko said putting up the hand not carrying the supplies that Izumi had displaced, taking a small step back. “He’s supposed to bring peace. And I want that. Peace. I could teach him firebending, if he hasn’t learned it already. I’m kind of, you know, good at it, but I guess you already know that, since…” Zuko trailed off, his confidence withering under the twin glares. He sighed.</p>
<p>“Look, I’m serious. I know I did some bad things in the past, but I’ve changed. I’m different now, and I’m offering up my service to your cause. To the Avatar’s cause.” He set down the supplies and carefully stretched out his hands, palms up.</p>
<p>“I’m not here to hurt you, I swear. I’m a traitor to the Fire Nation, I’m on your side! I understand if you don’t want to give me a chance, but—” The girl cut him off.</p>
<p>“Look, I don’t care how much you say you’ve changed. I don’t trust you at all, and if you think—what is that?” Genuine surprise entered her voice, and the water fell around her feet.</p>
<p>“Baa?” Zuko felt a tiny hand grab at his good ear. He gently dislodged Izumi’s grip, and held on to her hand to stop her from further groping him.</p>
<p>“Is that a baby? Where did you get a baby?” the boy asked, his sword point clanging against the stone.</p>
<p>“Whose child is that? Did you kidnap that poor baby, too?” the girl asked, raising her fists as the water, now muddy with dust, swirled around them. She sounded incensed.</p>
<p>“It’s <em>my </em>baby,” said Zuko, carefully reaching around and extracting Izumi from the carrier. “It’s my daughter. I gave birth to her.” Izumi, energized from her nap, wiggled in Zuko’s arms and began to babble at him and the two strangers.</p>
<p>Zuko felt droplets on his feet as the water hit the ground, once again, with a splash. The siblings now stared at him and Izumi, their jaws dropped so low they were also in danger of hitting the ground.</p>
<p>“What?” They stared. Zuko was beginning to wonder when they would blink. “Haven’t you ever seen a baby before?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Katara, look! I found a rock that looks like Momo, and—what’s up? What are you guys—” The Avatar skidded to a halt alongside the Water Tribe siblings, his smile falling from his face when he saw Zuko. He was taller than when Zuko had last seen him, and he had traded his Air Nomad robes for an outfit distinctly Fire Nation.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here? I thought—wait, is that a baby?” His eyebrows furrowed so deep they nearly touched the blue arrow in the middle of his forehead.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Zuko sighed, “this is a baby. This is <em>my </em>baby. Now, can I talk to you about—” He didn’t have a chance to beg the Avatar for his cooperation, because the boy’s eyes lit up and he bounded forward, reaching out his hands to Izumi, who fisted one hand in Zuko’s shirt and stretched out the other.</p>
<p>“Oh, she’s so cute! When did you get a baby? Can I touch her hands? They’re so small!” Now it was Zuko’s turn to be confused. Shouldn’t the Avatar hate him? Or at the very least not trust him?</p>
<p>“Aang, don’t touch her! That’s an enemy baby,” hissed the Water Tribe boy, dusting off his sword and sheathing it.</p>
<p>“Don’t be silly, Sokka. It’s just a baby. Babies can’t be enemies, can they? No, they can’t!” The Avatar, master of the four elements, the peacemaker, savior of the world, was talking in baby-talk to Zuko’s daughter, who was clearly loving the attention. She swung both arms out and made grabby hands at the Avatar (Aang?), who looked at Zuko with pleading eyes.</p>
<p>“Can I hold her? What’s her name?” Izumi wiggled and kicked, trying to get to Aang. <em>Traitor, </em>Zuko thought.</p>
<p>“Aang, he tried to kill you! He tried to kill all of us! Why do you want to hold his baby?” the girl, Katara, said indignantly. Her water had vanished and her arms were locked across her chest. “Even if she is adorable,” she muttered under her breath, looking away.</p>
<p><em>This will earn their trust, </em>Zuko thought. <em>This is a </em>good<em> thing. </em>Swallowing his misgivings, he handed Izumi over to the Avatar, who received her with a squeal and a smile that split his whole face.</p>
<p>“Oooh, you are just too cute!” Izumi smacked him the face with her fat little fingers, trying to grab at the arrow on his forehead. He laughed and laughed, saying, “Silly baby, it’s not going to come off. It’s a tattoo! Would you like a tattoo? I bet you would look good with tattoos.” He turned back to Zuko, and the joy radiating off his face was so bright Zuko wanted to wince.</p>
<p>“What’s her name?” he asked, not batting an eye when Izumi pulled his finger into her mouth. That was going to be a <em>lot</em> less cute once she got all her baby teeth.</p>
<p>Zuko shook his head, trying to get over the absurdity of the past few minutes.</p>
<p>“It’s Izumi,” he answered. Seriously, I have something very important to talk—” Aang cut him off with a wave, still engrossed by Izumi.</p>
<p>“Come on, we can talk at the camp,” he said, and turned and walked away without another word.</p>
<p>Sokka spluttered, and Katara exclaimed, “Aang, you can’t just do that! We can’t let him into the camp. He’s dangerous!”</p>
<p>“You’re dangerous, too, Katara,” Aang answered blithely. “I feel safe with you and Sokka watching my back. Now come on,” he said, returning to baby-talk with his last sentence, saying to Izumi, “You’re going to like the camp. You can meet the rest of my friends, and meet Appa, and Momo…”</p>
<p>Zuko didn’t move, dumbstruck. <em>That was easier than I thought it would be. </em>The siblings circled behind him. Their weapons weren’t drawn, but Zuko could feel their threatening presence.</p>
<p>Sokka jerked his head in the direction Aang and Izumi had walked. “Well? Get moving,” he said, poking Zuko between the shoulder blades.</p>
<p>“Sokka! Don’t touch him,” Katara hissed at him, glaring. She then turned her gaze to Zuko, who wilted under the force of her glare.</p>
<p>“Didn’t you hear him? Go,” she said, repeating Sokka’s motion. Zuko grabbed his supplies and followed Aang and Izumi, letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>By the time Zuko, Sokka, and Katara walked into the camp, a small crowd had gathered around Aang and Izumi. <em>Where are they getting all these children from? </em>Zuko wondered. The only one of the group he recognized was the little earthbender girl who had battled Azula with him in the abandoned Earth Kingdom village all those months ago. She seemed disinterested in Izumi; she wasn’t even looking at her. The other three, a young man with a sparse mustache, a teenager in a wheelchair, and a literal child whose head barely reached Aang’s waist, were cooing over Izumi, who was practically glowing with all the attention.</p>
<p>“Who’s that?” The earthbender raised her head as Zuko and his guards approached, looking off into the distance. The three boys’ heads snapped up, and the littlest one gasped and crouched behind the wheels of the wheelchair.</p>
<p>“It’s all right, he’s our prisoner,” said Sokka, resting a hand on the hilt of his sword.</p>
<p>“Sokka, we’re not taking prisoners,” replied Aang, too focused on freeing his robes from Izumi’s mouth to turn around.</p>
<p>“You took his baby prisoner!”</p>
<p>“If you touch my daughter I’ll—” Zuko cut himself off. <em>Threatening people will </em>not <em>make them like you. </em></p>
<p>“Oh? You’ll do what? Attack us?”</p>
<p>Screw it. “I would kill every last person in every single nation to protect my daughter.” Zuko turned to scowl at Sokka, which inspired a fresh wave of insults.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah? You see, this is why we don’t trust you! <em>I </em>think we should—”</p>
<p>“Sokka, cut it out. <em>You</em>,” Katara snapped at her brother, then jabbed a finger at Zuko, “you go sit over there. And don’t move. <em>I’m watching you</em>,” she threatened, her eyes following him as Zuko sat on ground by a pillar.</p>
<p>“Is <em>no one</em> going to answer me?” asked the earthbender girl, raising her hands in exasperation. “Who the fuck did you just bring into our camp? Why do we have a prisoner?”</p>
<p>Aang gasped and clutched Izumi to his chest, placing a hand over her free ear. “Toph, don’t swear around the baby!” he said.</p>
<p>The girl, Toph, snorted. “It’s a baby. It’s not like it can speak.”</p>
<p>As if on cue, Izumi pushed away from Aang’s chest, screaming, “Aaaaagagaga!”</p>
<p>“See? She doesn’t think you should swear, either.”</p>
<p>“Oh, shut up. I’m going to go get some answers,” said Toph, who began walking towards Zuko.</p>
<p>Katara sighed. “Aang, give me the baby,” she said. Aang pouted, but handed her over. Izumi seemed excited to talk to someone new, and immediately grabbed a fistful of Katara’s hair. She made her way over to Zuko, who was being grilled by Toph.</p>
<p>“So you’re a prince, huh?”</p>
<p>“A former prince,” corrected Zuko. “There’s a big difference.”</p>
<p>“And your sister’s a grade-A nutjob?” Toph soldiered on, caring little for the intricacies of Fire Nation inheritance laws.</p>
<p>Zuko grit his teeth. “My sister is troubled, but I know a way to stop her, which is <em>why</em>—"</p>
<p>Toph scoffed. “Yeah, yeah, we all have problems, but not all of us shoot lightning at our brothers. By the way, I know a way to stop people, too. Have you ever heard of a platypus-bear trap?” She grinned, and under her bangs, Zuko could see her pale, blind eyes staring at the space above him.</p>
<p>“That’s not what I mean. Listen, who’s the leader around here? I need to speak to them. This is urgent—” Zuko was interrupted by the baby Katara deposited in his lap. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her, and Izumi clasped her arms around his neck. He stopped a moment to breath in sticky-sweet smell of her unwashed hair. She was gross, but she was all his.</p>
<p>Katara crossed her arms and glared down at him, not bothering to bend down. “If you have something to say, you can say it to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey! What about me?” Sokka came running over. “I want to interrogate him, too.”</p>
<p>Zuko rolled his eyes. “So now you want to listen to me?”</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Aang appeared, resting an elbow on Katara’s shoulder. He really <em>had </em>grown, and Zuko felt a little less bad about chasing a child around the world, since the child was almost taller than him now.</p>
<p>“I’m <em>finally </em>going to tell you why I’m here! Now will you please listen to me?” Zuko pleaded. The group, except for Toph, exchanged glances. After several infuriating moments of eyebrow-raising and -wiggling, Katara nodded.</p>
<p>“Tell us everything. And we’ll <em>know </em>if you’re lying,” she added, shooting a look at Toph, who grinned.</p>
<p>Zuko took a deep breath and exhaled, ruffling Izumi’s hair. “My name is Zuko. I was crown prince of the Fire Nation, first in line to the throne…”</p>
<p>The people he had spent the better part of a year hunting were surprisingly receptive to his story. They only interrupted occasionally, to laugh at his misfortunes and add their own commentary about exploits they had been involved in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t believe your own sister would do something like that!”</p>
<p>“Katara, you threatened to drown me at least once a week when we were back home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That sounds like a pretty big fucking mistake.”</p>
<p>“Toph, the baby!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, <em>you</em> saved Appa?”</p>
<p>“Aang, <em>shush</em>! It’s getting good. Besides, he might be lying.”</p>
<p>“He’s not lying.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your uncle did <em>what?</em>”</p>
<p>“Dude, I met your uncle, and he did not strike me as the fire breathing-type.”</p>
<p>“You met my—never mind.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, let me get this straight—you walked from the Fire Nation colonies to Ba Sing Se while pregnant, and then you walked from Ba Sing Se to here, while carrying a baby?” asked Katara, in disbelief.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t pregnant when I left the colonies, and we had an ostrich-horse for part of the way, but yes, pretty much,” said Zuko, bouncing Izumi, who was starting to get restless.</p>
<p>“Are your feet okay?” asked Sokka.</p>
<p>“My feet are fine. I told you, we rode an ostrich-horse for much of the way. But this isn’t about me,” Zuko said, rising to his feet, ignoring the ache in legs. “I know what I have to do. My destiny is to help the Avatar to end the war, and to stop my father.”</p>
<p>Aang looked glum. “I know, but I don’t even know firebending yet! I’m not even a full Avatar.” He looked down, dejected, and Katara put an arm around his shoulders. Zuko could tell this was a conversation they had had before.</p>
<p>“I can teach you.” Aang looked up, meeting Zuko’s gaze. “I learned from the best firebending masters in the country. I should be able to train you.”</p>
<p>The corners of Aang’s mouth tugged up in a reluctant smile. “Thank you, Zuko. I’d like that.”</p>
<p>He paused a beat, then wrinkled his nose. “Ugh, Toph, was that you?”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t me! Blame Sokka,” said Toph, plugging her nose. That set off a new round of squabbles, each person pointing fingers at another as the stench grew stronger. Zuko held his tongue, and dug in his backpack for a clean towel.</p>
<p>“Um, do you mind? I need to change her,” he said, pointing at Izumi, who was noshing on a rock. The arguments stopped and three sets of eyes landed on him. The eyes then grew wide with comprehension as they realized where the stink was coming from.</p>
<p>“Oh, um…”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess…”</p>
<p>“Go right ahead…”</p>
<p>They all had the decency to turn around and at least feign politeness, including Toph. Once Izumi was clean and changed, she began crying. Zuko tried not to groan.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked, and Izumi wailed harder. He knew that cry—she was hungry. He was, too.</p>
<p>“Uh, is there somewhere I can feed her? She’s really hungry,” Zuko asked the group’s backs.</p>
<p>“I can show you to a room!” Sokka spun around far too eagerly, and Katara turned and squinted at him.</p>
<p>“What? I want to keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn’t try any funny business.”</p>
<p>Toph smiled; Zuko didn’t want to know why. He took him up on his offer though, and Sokka showed him to a room inside the temple. It was remarkably clean, despite a century of disuse. Dust coated the floor and vines peeked over the windowsill, but there was no decay. No scorch marks.</p>
<p>Zuko set his things and his daughter down and turned to see Sokka leaning against the doorway, failing at being nonchalant.</p>
<p>“So, uh…” Sokka picked at his nails, pretending not to look at Zuko. “We usually have dinner out by the fire, in the evenings. If you want to come,” he said, flicking his eyes over to Zuko and then back to his fingers. “I mean, as long as you don’t have special Fire Nation food. And as long as the campfire won’t make you go crazy or something.”</p>
<p>Zuko bit back a sigh. “Fire won’t make me go crazy. And if I can get her to settle down, I think I will come to dinner.” He gamely pretended not to notice how Sokka put his hand to his mouth, smothering a smile.</p>
<p>“Sounds great!” he replied, his voice cracking in a familiar way. “I mean, I guess that’s cool,” Sokka reiterated, forcing his voice lower. Then he ran off, leaving a puff of dust in his wake.</p>
<p>Zuko turned back to his daughter, who was crawling around the room, and did not bother to hide the small smile that crept across his face.</p>
<p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>No one in the Gaang can resist babies, especially one as cute as Izumi. Tune in next week for more wholesomeness, angst, and Zuko's A+ social skills! And again, thank you for reading, and don't forget to leave comments/kudos (if ya feel like it)!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Tuesday! No additional warnings for this chapter, but it does get real angsty. <br/>Also, a note about character's ages: everyone is slightly aged up for this fic. As of this chapter, Zuko is approaching 19, and I imagine everyone else to be 2/2 and half years old than they are in canon (so Aang would be about 14, Katara about 16, etc).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“No. No. Nope. That’s not right, either.” Aang groaned and flopped face-first on the floor, a well-timed puff of air saving his nose from breaking.</p>
<p>“This is so hard,” he mumbled, sending motes of dust into the air with his breath. Zuko sighed, and focused on his own breathing, gathering his patience before continuing with the lesson.</p>
<p>“This is just the basics. You need to learn these to progress in your training,” he said with a measured voice, ignoring the wiggly baby on his lap. Zuko had tried to pawn Izumi off on Katara or on Teo, or on <em>anyone</em>, but Izumi wasn’t having it. She wailed and thrashed the second he let her go, so here he was, teaching the Avatar firebending while entertaining an infant.</p>
<p>Aang accepted his fate and got back up, dusting his pants off without another grumble. He fell back into the base firebending stance and closed his eyes. Zuko could see wisps of smoke coming from his clenched fists—that was a good sign. He just needed to hold his concentration, focus on his breathing, and then—</p>
<p>“What’s up, jerks? Practicing your jerkbending?” Aang’s eyes shot open and his form went rigid, and the smoke disappeared into the air. Zuko thought he might cry, or explode. Maybe both.</p>
<p>“Do you need something?” he snapped, glowering at Sokka, who, judging by his smirk, had already got what he needed.</p>
<p>“No, no, don’t mind me. Just passing by.” Sokka’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why don’t you let someone else look after your baby? You can’t exactly show Aang what to do if you’re babysitting.” Zuko was really going to explode now. In the interest of not destroying the Western Air Temple for the second time in its history, he instead took several deep breaths before looking Sokka in the eyes.</p>
<p>“It’s not babysitting if she’s <em>my </em>daughter. <em>And</em>, she’s fussy today and won’t tolerate anyone else,” he answered, marveling at his self-restraint.</p>
<p>“You didn’t ask me,” said Sokka. Did he sound…disappointed?</p>
<p>“I didn’t need to. I tried every other person in this camp and—” Before Zuko could finish his thought, Sokka swooped in and picked Izumi up under the armpits. Zuko leaped to his feet, preparing for a meltdown that never came. Instead, Izumi gurgled and grabbed Sokka’s nose, making him laugh. That triggered a giggle, and soon the two were in the middle of their own private world.</p>
<p>Zuko crossed his arms, frowning. “She’ll start screaming the second she doesn’t see me.”</p>
<p>Sokka didn’t look at him as he replied. “I’m sure she will. Is it cool if we go hang out with Katara? That way you two can focus on your jerkbending.”</p>
<p>“Can we go hang out with Katara?” asked Aang from behind Zuko.</p>
<p>Without turning to look, Zuko snapped, “Get back in position.”</p>
<p>“Aww. Whatever you say, Sifu Hotman.”</p>
<p>“What did you just—never mind.” Zuko turned his attention to Sokka, who looked at him with wide blue eyes.</p>
<p>“Please?” he pouted. Izumi did look happy. She had turned her attention to Sokka’s hair, and was trying to climb his shoulders to get to his wolftail.</p>
<p>Zuko sighed, again. “Fine. But I want her back here immediately if she starts crying.”</p>
<p>“Yay! Thank you! Do you hear that, Izumi?” Sokka said, looking at the baby who had one little hand in his ear and the other on his forehead. “We’re going to have so much fun today.” He continued chatting with her as he walked away. Zuko didn’t hear a peep out of Izumi, not even when they rounded a corner and fell out of sight. He rubbed the bridge of nose, trying to stem the flood of worry rising within him. <em>This is a good thing, </em>he reminded himself. <em>Izumi loves people. She needs socializing, and you need to train the Avatar. She is </em>safe <em>with them. They all care for her. Sokka cares for her. </em>Sokka. Zuko had spent a few nights trying to forget the way Sokka looked at him over the campfire in the dark evenings, when he thought Zuko’s attention was elsewhere. He looked like a hungry man locked out of a feast, or a man lost in a desert eyeing a raincloud. The sheer <em>want </em>in his eyes scared Zuko a little, but not more than it intrigued him. Every night, he shut those thoughts down and busied himself with Izumi, or with Aang’s training. If he didn’t, he feared he would start to want, too.</p>
<p>“Zuko, I think I’m getting it!” Zuko shook himself out of his reverie and looked at Aang. He <em>was </em>getting it—a swift punch sent a burst of flame hissing into the air. Zuko allowed himself a small smile. The kid was bright—he just needed to get used to Zuko’s style of training.</p>
<p>“Good, you’ve finally got the right stance. Now, just move your foot to the left—no, your other left…”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zuko was proud of himself: he only startled a little when the youngest member of Team Avatar, who seemed to be some kind of obscure Earth Kingdom royalty, popped up beside him out of nowhere.</p>
<p>“Is that <em>really</em> a real baby?” he asked softly. There was a slight lisp to his words, which Zuko found disgustingly cute.</p>
<p>“No.” The boy’s hand froze where it was reaching for Izumi, his eyes growing wide beneath the rim of his ever-present helmet. He looked at Zuko, then to Izumi, and then back to Zuko again.</p>
<p>Zuko dropped his stern façade. “I’m kidding. Yes, she’s real.” Sensing The Duke’s hesitancy, Zuko asked, “Would you like to touch her? I think she’d like to hold your hand.”</p>
<p>The Duke shuffled closer and stuck his hand out to Izumi, who promptly grasped it. Enchanted, he brought his other hand up, and, when neither Zuko nor Izumi protested, started to pet Izumi’s hair. Normally, Zuko would deem something like that below he and Izumi’s dignity, but she seemed to be enjoying it, so he let it happen. Zuko, content to hold his baby and stare into the haze above the campfire, zoned out. He definitely did <em>not</em> think about Sokka, who was also definitely <em>not </em>sneaking furtive glances at Zuko from across the fire. His not-thinking was interrupted a small voice at his side.</p>
<p>“Where did you find her?” The Duke was looking at him again, eyes marginally smaller than saucers.</p>
<p>“I…” It had been a long day, and Zuko didn’t feel like explaining the intricacies of gender identity and expression to a small child, so instead he answered, “I’m special, and I gave birth to her. I didn’t find her anywhere.” The Duke stopped petting and furrowed his brows, and for a moment Zuko worried he had alienated yet another person, when The Duke’s face relaxed.</p>
<p>“Ohh.” He continued petting Izumi’s hair, unbothered. “You would like my friend Smellerbee,” he said, not looking at Zuko. “She’s special, like you.” He looked up. “She also has cool face paint.”</p>
<p>It was Zuko’s turn to be confused. “Face paint?” He brought a hand to his scar, but as abruptly as he had appeared, The Duke ran off. He skidded to a halt near Toph, who was playing with a solid rock like it was putty. It wasn’t fear, then, that drove him away, but a child’s short attention span. Thankful for the shadows of evening, Zuko smiled.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You all stink! Even you, Sokka!”</p>
<p>“But I washed my pits last night!” Sokka protested, ducking to avoid the huge glob of water Aang and Katara held suspended in the air. It was bath time at the Western Air Temple, and judging by the odor of the company, it was probably the first one. Teo’s daily exploration of the temple had uncovered a room with several large pools and untouched containers of soaps. There were pipes to the pools where water ran once upon a time, but the faucets were rusty and the handles didn’t turn. Thus, Katara and Aang flew Appa down the riverbend below the temple and gathered the water they were currently manhandling through an arched doorway. Zuko swore he could see a fish swimming in it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aah! It’s too cold!” Haru yanked his toes out, flinging water on the tile floor.</p>
<p>“It can’t be that cold. I bet you’re just a wimp.” Sokka stuck his entire forearm in the water, held it for three whole seconds, and yelped, falling backwards onto the deck.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s too cold. What did you guys do it?” he asked, rolling to face Aang and Katara.</p>
<p>“Okay, we had to freeze some of it to transport it. But it’s unfrozen, so it should be getting warmer!” Katara said, unconvincingly.</p>
<p>“This blows. I’d rather smell like a dumpster than be an ice cube,” said Toph, crossing her arms. <br/>“Yeah, this blows,” The Duke repeated, mimicking her pose.</p>
<p>“Hey! What makes you think it’s okay to say that?” Teo turned on Toph and The Duke, and the room erupted in arguments. Even Izumi began to whimper.</p>
<p>“Hey. Hey!” The noise ceased, and everyone turned to look at Zuko. “I can heat it up. The water, I mean.”</p>
<p>Aang beamed. “You would do that for us, Zuko?”</p>
<p>“It’s not like it’s hard, or anything,” he replied, suddenly attention-shy.</p>
<p>“How do we know you won’t make it too hot?” asked Katara, giving Zuko a look.</p>
<p>“Well, I run hot, so everything below boiling will feel cool to me. So, one of you will have to sit in there while I heat it up.”</p>
<p>Zuko looked around. “Who’s it going to be?”</p>
<p>A pause, then, from the floor: “I’ll do it!”</p>
<p>Zuko looked down, unimpressed, as Sokka pulled himself across the floor to the edge of the pool and stuck his hands in. “Once it gets warm enough for my hands, I’ll get in,” he said.</p>
<p>Zuko rolled his eyes, but handed Izumi off to Aang all the same. “All right, here goes,” he said, and plunged his forearms into the freezing water.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not long after, with the water soapy and steaming, Zuko slid into the pool. He sat at the far end, away from everyone else. Izumi desperately needed a bath, but she wasn’t potty trained, and didn’t want to make his new friends dirtier via accidental baby contamination. <em>Friends. </em>His mind registered the word a second after he thought it. Friends. It was nice, but at the same time scary, to have friends. Now that he had them, he might lose them. He had left behind Jin and his Fire Nation friends for forever. Zuko tried not to think about how he might lose his new friends. Instead, he busied himself with piling soap suds on Izumi’s head, and giving her a mohawk.</p>
<p>“Hey, thanks for heating up the water. I really was not looking forward to being a Sokka-sicle.”</p>
<p>Sokka surfaced across from him, wiping bubbles off his face. He looked expectantly at Zuko, who suddenly found Izumi’s hair very interesting.</p>
<p>“Oh. It’s, uh, not a problem. It’s not like it’s hard. I bet Aang could do it, if he bothered to practice.”</p>
<p>“Still, that was pretty cool of you. You could have just heated this part, and left the rest of us to suffer.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think water works that way,” said Zuko, washing the soap out of Izumi’s hair.</p>
<p>“Dude, I’m thanking you. Just accept it,” Sokka said, flicking water his way.</p>
<p>There was a pause, and Zuko listened to the commotion on the other side of the pool. Teo was on Katara’s shoulders, The Duke was on Haru’s, and Aang was on Toph’s. The three out of the water were grappling with each other, each attempting to push the others down. The Duke fell with a splash, and when he surfaced, sans helmet, cried, “It’s not fair! You’re all bigger than me!”</p>
<p>Sokka snorted. He had been watching them, too. Had he moved closer when Zuko wasn’t looking?</p>
<p>“Does she know how to walk yet?” he asked, nodding to Izumi, who was trying to eat a large bubble.</p>
<p>“No. I guess she should be starting to, but we haven’t really had time to practice. The last couple months have been…” Zuko paused. “Busy.”</p>
<p>“Pass her to me,” said Sokka, making grabby hands.</p>
<p>Suspicious, Zuko asked, “What are you going to do to her?”</p>
<p>“I won’t hurt her.” Sokka met Zuko’s gaze. “Trust me.”</p>
<p>Zuko wiped a stray bubble off Izumi’s face, then passed her over. Sokka held her at arm’s length for a moment, then shot up out of the water.</p>
<p>“Wooooo!” He swung Izumi around before placing her on his shoulders. She shrieked with joy, wrapping her arms around Sokka’s entire head. Just as quickly as he had risen, Sokka sank back down into the water, until only his hair was visible. Zuko could see he was holding onto Izumi’s hands; that was the only thing stopping him from yanking his baby back and swimming away.</p>
<p>Sokka moved around below the surface, blowing air bubbles that made Izumi giggle. The water distorted his image, so all Zuko could see was the top half of Izumi floating above the water. Izumi’s laughter was too much. He got up from the bench where he was seated and walked closer to her, the water impeding his motion.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fwoosh. </em>
</p>
<p>Zuko was left floundering as Sokka broke the surface again, roaring. He and Izumi’s laughter echoed around the cavernous room, competing with the noise from the rest of the gang. Wiping his eyes, Zuko glanced over. Katara had waterbent The Duke eight feet above the water, where he was dumping a helmetful of water on Aang’s head.</p>
<p>“Hey! Did you splash me?” Zuko turned back to his daughter, who was in hysterics. Sokka was holding her to his chest, patting her back. <br/>“Okay, calm down, <em>calm down</em>—”</p>
<p>“I’ll take her.” Without waiting for a response, Zuko grabbed her and sat her on the edge of the pool, where she continued laughing so hard she nearly keeled over.</p>
<p>“Oh, Zuzu. Do you like swimming? Should you have been a Water Tribe baby?”</p>
<p>“Do you guys not swim in the Fire Nation?” Sokka was still standing, wringing water out of his hair, which had come loose of its wolftail. If Zuko felt his face getting warm, he blamed it on the water temperature.</p>
<p>Out of the water, Zuko could see two long, thin scars stretching across his chest.</p>
<p>“Yoo-hoo, earth to Prince Jerkface. You with me?” Zuko really felt himself flush. He stared at his refracted feet, letting his hair hang in front of his face.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I shouldn’t stare,” he mumbled, desperately willing his face to get less red.</p>
<p>“It’s okay.” He felt the water ripple around him, and out of the corner of his eye saw Sokka sit beside him on the bench. Sokka placed a hand on Izumi, who was crawling away, and pulled her back.</p>
<p>“Seriously, stare as much as you want. I want everyone to see how great I look. I mean, don’t get me wrong,” he said, leaning in conspiratorially, “I looked great before. But now?” He pulled away, and Zuko tried to even out his breathing. “I didn’t think it was possible, but I look even better! Those healers in the Northern Water Tribe are really something else.” He gestured at his chest, then added, “Check this out,” and leaned in so close Zuko nearly passed out. Sokka stroked his meager chin hairs, looking smug. “It’s pretty awesome, I know.” Zuko nodded appreciatively, then tilted his head up to show off his ‘mustache’.</p>
<p>“I didn’t have my medicine for very long before I had her, so this is all I have to show for it,” Zuko said, running his fingers over the scant collection of fine, wispy hairs on his upper lip.</p>
<p>“Dude, your mustache is great. For some reason I can only seem to grow a beard and sideburns. My mustache is kinda shrimpy.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you shave your mustache?” Zuko had seen Sokka grooming himself with the sharp edge of his boomerang in the mornings, watching his reflection in a still basin of water before Katara or Aang inevitably bent it into his face.</p>
<p>“Only because it’s so pitiful. I can’t have a weak mustache obstructing my glorious face,” Sokka said, as though it was obvious.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Zuko said softly. They sat in silence for a moment as Zuko inwardly panicked. <em>I have to say something I have to say something he’s going to leave if I don’t wait why do I not want him to leave I—</em></p>
<p>“So, uh…how long have you—”</p>
<p>“Hello, hotbaby!” came Aang’s cheerful voice from the other side of the room, accompanied by a delighted warble from Izumi.</p>
<p>Zuko gasped. “Izumi!” He pulled himself out of the pool and dashed, nearly slipping, to where Izumi sat on the edge. She let out a cry as Zuko snatched her up.</p>
<p>“I think bath time’s over for you,” he said, wrapping her up in the tea towel he had brought. It barely covered her, he noticed. The towels that had swallowed her as a newborn wouldn’t fit her much longer.</p>
<p>Izumi protested, wailing her rage until her face turned red. Zuko was hesitant to leave, too. But his baby needed looking after, and Aang needed to practice firebending.</p>
<p>“Come on, we need to go,” he said, addressing Izumi, but still prompting a chorus of “Awww!”’s from the pool. The others started to emerge, dripping and pruny, from the water, but Sokka was still sitting where Zuko had left him, staring at his feet. Zuko took a hesitant step forward, before jerking around and walking to his room.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zuko found him again that night, after the rest of the gang had gone to bed and the moon had risen. Sokka was leaning up against a cracked pillar, gazing at the full moon. He didn’t startle when Zuko sat cautiously next to him.</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>“…Hey.”</p>
<p>“Couldn’t sleep?” Sokka asked, bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them.</p>
<p>“Something like that. Izumi wears me out, so I usually sleep well, but tonight it just…wasn’t happening.” Sokka made a sympathetic sound and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could begin, Zuko continued.</p>
<p>“I had awful insomnia when I was pregnant with her. I felt like I didn’t sleep more than two hours at night. But I would go up on the roof, and talk to the moon, and talk to Izumi, and that usually helped.” Zuko stopped. Sokka was looking at him funny, almost the same way he had looked at Zuko when he first arrived at the temple.</p>
<p>Before Zuko could interrogate him, he said, “I know her,” and nodded at the moon.</p>
<p>Zuko was silent.</p>
<p>“Her name’s Yue,” Sokka continued, when Zuko didn’t make any comments. “She was my girlfriend, for a bit.”</p>
<p>The silence was on the verge of being awkward when Zuko said, “That’s nice,” his voice cracking.</p>
<p>Sokka cracked a small smile. “Yeah, it is.” In the quiet that followed, they could hear each other breathing. This really reminded Zuko of his sleepless nights in Ba Sing Se: the moonlight spilling from the sky like clear water, the soft sounds of sleeping life below, and an ever-present anxiety threatening to claw its way up inside him.</p>
<p>“What were you going to ask me earlier? Before you ran off.”</p>
<p>Zuko swallowed. The anxiety tasted more like fear.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s not important. I was just going to ask how long have you known. About being trans, I mean,” Zuko added, seeing Sokka’s confused expression. “You don’t have to answer! I mean, if it makes you uncomfortable, then don’t answer. I just—don’t meet a lot of other people. Trans people. I mean, I don’t think I have? Or maybe I have and I’m just really unobservant. Either way, I’m sorry I—”</p>
<p>“Dude, chill out.” Zuko stopped midsentence, closing his mouth to stop his heart from leaping out.</p>
<p>“It’s okay. I don’t mind you asking,” Sokka said, and Zuko sighed embarrassingly loud. That prompted a smile. Sokka uncurled himself and placed a hand flat on the stone floor between him and Zuko.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind at all,” he said softly. “It took me a long time to realize it. I think I was like, twelve? Thirteen? I barely had a chance to tell my dad, before he left. But he was so happy—I think he knew I had been unhappy for a while, and was glad I had realized why.”</p>
<p>“What did your mom say?” Zuko immediately regretted that question as Sokka’s face fell. “You don’t—If she’s not—”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Sokka sighed. “Mom died when I was younger. I never got a chance to tell her. But I know—I know she would have been excited, too.”</p>
<p>Zuko scooched closer.</p>
<p>“My mom is gone, too. I don’t know what happened to her.”</p>
<p>“She just…disappeared?”</p>
<p>Zuko nodded. “I woke up one day, and my grandfather was dead and my mother missing. Sometimes I wonder…” Zuko trailed off, looking up at the moon.</p>
<p>He felt something warm press against his shoulder. Sokka was elbowing him; Zuko looked over and saw the same smile that shadowed his dreams each night.</p>
<p>“Don’t leave me hanging,” said Sokka, with a gentle voice.</p>
<p>Zuko drew a breath before continuing. “Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if she was dead. If I <em>knew </em>she was dead. That way I wouldn’t…wouldn’t have to wonder about it. About her,” he finished, his voice just above a whisper.</p>
<p>“It’s hard. It’s <em>hard. </em>There’s no other word for it. I know people talk about carrying grief, but for the first few months after mom, it felt like grief was carrying me,” Sokka said. “But as time went on, I could feel it getting smaller. Fading. Not that I thought about her any less, but the thoughts were less painful. Right after she died, every memory of her was a sad one. But with time, I could remember happy things.</p>
<p>“When I was a kid, I tried to visualize sadness as something I could hold. Like, something I could smoosh into a ball and carry in my arms. And as years went on, my grief over mom got smaller and smaller, until I could hold it in my hand or shove it in a bag. I can forget about it sometimes, for days, even weeks, but it’s always there.” Sokka paused, drawing a ragged breath. “It’s different for Katara. I think she’ll carry her grief in her arms forever.”</p>
<p>Sokka’s chin fell back onto his knees. Zuko could see the light of the moon reflected in his watery eyes, and without thinking, closed the gap between them. He placed a hand on Sokka’s shaking shoulder, pressing close to his side.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Zuko said in a hushed voice. “<em>Hey. </em>I’m sorry I brought it up. I didn’t think—I don’t want to upset you.”</p>
<p>Sokka wiped his nose on his sleeve. He wasn’t crying, Zuko noticed. <em>He’s far stronger than I am. </em></p>
<p>He tried to laugh and force a smile, but the result was a pitiful, quavering thing. “It’s all right. What do you do when your kid gets this weepy?” Sokka asked, turning to face Zuko. They were so close their foreheads almost touched. Zuko could feel the warmth of Sokka’s breath dampening his skin.</p>
<p>“Why? Do you want me to rock you and tell you about the Dragon Princess?” Zuko leaned against Sokka’s shoulder, <em>in a totally friendly and playful way, </em>he lied to himself.</p>
<p>“Yes, please.” This triggered a fit of giggles that devolved into wheezing and snorting from both of them.</p>
<p>Zuko closed his eyes as he laid his head back against the cool stone of the pillar, catching his breath. His face hurt from smiling. Sokka still hadn’t moved away from him. If anything, he had gotten closer, his bare shoulder pressed to Zuko’s, his elbow half in Zuko’s lap.</p>
<p>When he opened his eyes, Sokka was looking at him. His smile was so staggeringly fond Zuko felt faint.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Sokka was quiet when he spoke, not once looking away. “I enjoyed talking to you, earlier today. I want…I want to get to know you better.” He was so <em>earnest </em>and <em>sincere </em>that Zuko felt his heart rate ratcheting up, hearing that voice just inches from the shell of his ear. A shiver ran through him as he watched Sokka unfold one lanky arm and place his hand softly, hesitantly, on Zuko’s knee, as though he was afraid he would flee if he touched him.</p>
<p>Zuko gaped like a hooked fish, a million thoughts coursing through his head as he looked at that hand. The blunt fingernails, small, pale scars peppered across the back, and the warmth he could feel radiating from the palm.</p>
<p>Somehow, he found it in him to speak. “I…also enjoyed talking. With you. And I—I think—I also want to get to know you better.” Sokka’s smile was blinding. He didn’t move as Zuko cautiously laid his hand on top of his.</p>
<p><em>This </em>is what an epiphany felt like: lacing your fingers with a boy’s and feeling his calloused thumb rub against them, feeling the warmth of his breath kiss your face.</p>
<p>Zuko couldn’t breathe. Sokka was looking at him the same way he had been gazing at the moon earlier. His smile and his eyes were so honest, and so, so <em>kind </em>Zuko thought he might cry. He felt <em>good</em>, for the first time in what seemed like years. That’s how Zuko knew it couldn’t last.</p>
<p>Cherishing the look of tenderness in Sokka’s eyes before it inevitably turned, Zuko drew his hand away, placing it in his lap. He tore his gaze away; he couldn’t bear to see the hurt and disappointment on the other boy’s face.</p>
<p>“I like you, Sokka. I really <em>like </em>you. But this—” Zuko gestured at the temple, at the air around them. “—the war, the Avatar, <em>my daughter</em>—it’s too much. And Izumi—she’s still so young. And I’ve spent a long time thinking about it, and I know now that my duty is to her. It always will be. And I’m not saying I’ll never want something like this! But right now is just…not the time. And I want to be friends with you! Really, I do, I’m not just saying that. But for now, that’s all I can be,” he finished, hiding his head in his hands. His shoulders tensed as he hunched over, waiting for Sokka’s reaction.</p>
<p>Finally, when Zuko felt he could bear the silence no longer, he heard a voice to the right of him. “It’s okay. I understand.”</p>
<p>“You…what?” Zuko looked up. Sokka was still smiling, but now it was smaller and sadder. The tenderness was also still there, but it too was laced with sorrow.</p>
<p>“I said it’s okay. I totally get where you’re coming from. These past couple years have been…a lot, and I admire your devotion to your kid. And I want to be your friend, too,” he added, his voice soft.</p>
<p>Hesitantly, Zuko uncurled and forced himself to look Sokka in the eyes. The next smile made him regret this—it was the softest yet, and Zuko felt a burning in his eyes and a fluttering in his chest. He willed the tears away and smiled back.</p>
<p>“I feel like I’ve known you forever. It’s not like I talk about this stuff with anyone else—I don’t think I’ve even told Katara what I told you tonight. Maybe it’s like that thing Aang always says,” said Sokka.</p>
<p>“What thing? Flameo?”</p>
<p>Sokka laughed, prompting a snort from Zuko.</p>
<p>“No, that thing about friendship lasting across lifetimes. Maybe we were friends in a past life, when you weren’t a jerkface prince.”</p>
<p>Zuko was too emotionally drained to answer with anything more than, “Maybe.”</p>
<p>The moon—<em>Yue</em>—was drifting closer to the dark tree line when Zuko finally rose, wincing at the stiffness in his knees. He immediately mourned the loss of Sokka’s warmth against his side. The cool night air felt so cruel compared to his friend.</p>
<p>“I have to go. I don’t want Izumi to wake up when I’m not there.”</p>
<p>Zuko would never grow tired of seeing Sokka smile.</p>
<p>“Goodnight. I enjoyed talking to you,” he said.</p>
<p>“I enjoyed talking to you, too,” replied Zuko. Then he left, before he could do anything stupid. As he walked away, his soft footfalls echoing in the cavernous temple, he heard Sokka say, “You’re such a good dad.”</p>
<p>Zuko managed to make it into the hallway before he burst into sobs, loneliness welling up inside him.</p>
<p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*banging pots and pans* Zukka stans, come get y'all juice<br/>The Zukka tag has been there since the beginning, and it's only taken me four weeks to finally get the two of them in same room. If that's what you originally came here for, I applaud your patience. <br/>If you want to feel (even more) emo about this chapter, I suggest listening to "Blue Bucket of Gold", by Sufjan Stevens.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Tuesday! There are no additional warnings for this chapter. <br/>Except for angst, but you should know that by now.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“<em>Where is he?</em>” In a vain, half-asleep effort at self-defense, Zuko launched his pillow towards the doorway. Katara punched it to the side, not even bothering to waterbend. She marched towards Zuko undeterred, eyes wild and hair uncombed, terrifying in the early morning light.</p>
<p>“<em>Where is my brother?</em>” she hissed, standing over Zuko, jabbing a finger in his face.</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” said a bewildered Zuko, wriggling away. It was early; the sun wasn’t even fully risen. Sokka was still in bed, right? Maybe Katara was sleep walking, and her subconsciousness told her to sleep-accuse Zuko.</p>
<p>“He’s gone! He <em>left, </em>in the <em>middle of the night</em>, and left a note that said he was ‘<em>gone fishing</em>’!”</p>
<p>“I think you just answered your own question.”</p>
<p>Katara did not find that funny. Instead, she grew even more agitated, advancing on Zuko as he squirmed away, until he was up against the wall and had no choice but to face her.</p>
<p>“He told me about your late-night talks! I <em>know </em>he trusts you for some reason, and I <em>know </em>he would tell you where he was going! Sokka wouldn’t leave in the middle of the night, on a <em>Fire Nation airship</em>, to go <em>fishing!</em>” she finished.</p>
<p>“Wait, you guys have an airship?” asked Zuko, inching towards Izumi, who had woken at the sound of Katara’s shouting and had begun to burble.</p>
<p>“That’s beside the point,” she said, straightening up and glaring down at Zuko. Not for the first time, Zuko was intensely grateful he was no longer her enemy.</p>
<p>Zuko unswaddled Izumi, who stretched her arms happily to the sky. He moved her into his lap before looking back to Katara. She may not have been a firebender, but Zuko swore he could still see smoke coming out of her ears.</p>
<p>“I don’t know where your brother went. Izumi was fussy all last night, so I was in here with her, trying to get her to sleep. By the way, you’re putting her down for a nap later,” he added, and Katara’s glare somehow grew angrier. Before she could shout at him again, Zuko continued, “And I don’t have any idea where he might have gone. He probably is just fishing! Didn’t Teo say we were out of meat last night?”</p>
<p>“Ugh! I’m just…worried,” she said, her shoulders slumping as the anger left her. “This isn’t like him. He knows how much I care about everyone’s safety. And to go and do something this reckless!”</p>
<p>“I’m sure he has a good reason, and once he gets back, you can interrogate him as much as you want,” said Zuko.</p>
<p>“I hate to say it, but I guess you’re right,” Katara sighed.</p>
<p>“You could go see if anyone else knows anything. Once I feed and change her, I can help you yell at people. If you want,” added Zuko, tentatively.</p>
<p>Katara considered for a moment, then took the olive branch.</p>
<p>“Okay,” she nodded, “I bet Toph will know something.” Katara stopped in the doorway as she made her way out, looking back at Zuko and Izumi. “Sorry for waking her up,” she said, dashing off before Zuko could comment. Izumi screamed her goodbyes. Zuko winced—it was far earlier than he wanted to be dealing with a baby, but this was his life.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>In the end, no one knew anything about Sokka’s whereabouts. Every sensible person had been asleep at midnight, as well as every non-sensible one. This didn’t help Katara’s anxiety. She spent the whole first day Sokka was gone pacing around the main sanctum, alternately questioning Appa and Momo. Neither had much to say.</p>
<p>Aang was progressing well in his training. His punches sent fireballs flying off the ledge of the temple, fizzling in the river below. What came next was sparring. Zuko tried not to think about it. He hadn’t fought in months, and those times had only been to save his own life. Fighting to learn seemed liked such a foreign concept.</p>
<p>While Zuko critiqued Aang’s stances and kicks, he let Izumi entertain herself by crawling after Katara. She was far faster than a crawling baby had any right to be. He could tell that she wanted to learn how to walk—she used any object within grabbing distance to pull herself up on her feet, but she couldn’t stand on her own without tipping over. It would come in time, he knew. Maybe seeing Katara’s vigorous walking today would inspire her.</p>
<p>“Heya Sparky, how’s the baby?” Toph plopped on the ground next to Zuko, greeting him with a friendly punch to the shoulder.</p>
<p>“Ow. She’s good. She’s…” He looked to Izumi. She was still crawling after Katara, but now she had something in her mouth. Of course. “She’s adjusting well. I think she likes it here.”</p>
<p>“Of course she does,” said Toph, effortlessly bending an incline behind her and laying back on it, legs crossed and arms behind her head. “This place isn’t half bad. These Air Nomads had the right idea, building their home completely out of rock. I really respect that.”</p>
<p>She narrowed her eyes before turning her head to face Zuko. “Do <em>you </em>like it here?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Why do you care?”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “I guess I don’t. Just trying to make small talk, Sparky.” She was silent for all of ten seconds before sighing dramatically. “I miss Sokka. Did he tell you when he’ll be back?”</p>
<p>“No. Why does everyone think Sokka just tells me everything?” said Zuko, exasperated. First Katara, now Toph? He even felt like Momo was eyeing him suspiciously.</p>
<p>“I can feel you two up at night. And I know it’s you, because no one else walks like you,” replied Toph.</p>
<p>“Wha—how do I walk?”</p>
<p>“You creep around, but in a dramatic way, so instead of avoiding people it just makes them notice you even more,” said Toph, sticking a finger up her nose. She was even worse than Izumi.</p>
<p>Zuko rolled his eyes, wishing there was a way Toph could tell what he was doing. “Whatever. And I don’t <em>creep</em>, I’m naturally light-footed.”</p>
<p>“You creep.”</p>
<p>Zuko considered refusing to engage, then realized he had nothing better to do (Well, he did have to train the Avatar to, you know, save the world. But that could wait for another day). “<em>I don’t creep. </em>And Sokka and I don’t share our deepest, darkest secrets every night!”</p>
<p>“Whoa, no one said anything about secrets. Just maybe where he would go on a ‘fishing trip’.” Toph turned back to a glowering Zuko, with a shit-eating grin. “<em>Do </em>you guys tell each other secrets? <em>Juicy </em>secrets?”</p>
<p>“Did Katara put you up to this?” asked Zuko. He glanced at Katara. She was still wearing a hole through the floor, with Izumi hot on her heels.</p>
<p>“Nah. Teo did.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“He wants to know if you like Sokka.”</p>
<p>Zuko spluttered.</p>
<p>“I know, I know. I told him you have too much taste, but he really thinks he’s on to something.”</p>
<p>Zuko was still having trouble finding his voice. <br/>“Dude, your heart rate is <em>super </em>high right now. It’s almost concerning. Do you need me to get Katara?”</p>
<p>“No!” Zuko squeaked, mortified at the thought of Katara seeing him in this state. He was almost certain he was blushing, if the smoke escaping at the tips of his fingers was any indication.</p>
<p>“No, I’m okay. Does...does Teo like Sokka?” Zuko asked, wincing as his voice cracked.</p>
<p>“I think so. I think everyone likes Sokka a little bit. Except for you, apparently,” said Toph, her grin somehow becoming shit-eatinger.</p>
<p>“I don’t—I just <em>miss </em>him okay?” Zuko pouted, crossing his arms tight across his chest and looking away from Toph’s shining teeth. “He’s always helpful with Izumi, and he’s fun to talk to, and it’s just <em>nice </em>to be friends with someone my own age. But I’m not looking for anyone right now, so give it up.”</p>
<p>“Okay, okay,” said Toph, before getting up and stretching, while groaning far louder than necessary. She then gave Zuko a hearty slap on the back, before saying, “Buck up, bud. Everyone’s missing him a bit. Some of us more than others,” she said, raising her head in Katara’s direction. “But he’ll come back. He always comes back.” She started off to the other side of the sanctum, where Zuko just now noticed Teo and Haru crouched behind half of a ruined wall. Toph made it a few steps before stopping.</p>
<p>“By the way, I think you should check on your kid. I can feel her chewing on a pillar. Also, Aang stopped practicing, like, ten minutes ago.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sokka returned late the next day. Katara flung herself at him, and Zuko was surprised how strong his urge was to do the same. He had to keep a tight grip on Izumi; at the sight of Sokka, she screamed and nearly threw herself out of Zuko’s arms.</p>
<p>Sokka didn’t bring any fish. Instead, he was dressed in Fire Nation red, which looked—<em>nice</em>, Zuko told himself. <em>He looks very </em>nice <em>in that color. Nothing else. </em>His face was haggard yet elated, and from a distance Zuko could see his shrimpy mustache. He allowed himself to smile. But Sokka wasn’t alone.</p>
<p>There was a man that had to be his father, whom Katara was also hugging, and there was a girl, who had her arm around Sokka’s shoulders, like she’d known him forever. Zuko swallowed the sour feeling at the back of his throat and set down Izumi, who took off crawling towards Sokka.</p>
<p>He gasped when he saw her. “Izumi! How’s my favorite baby?”</p>
<p>Izumi shrieked as Sokka picked her up and swung her around, before holding her close and nodding at her excited babbling. Sokka looked over to Zuko, who hadn’t moved, and their eyes met. And then he smiled, and Zuko cursed the stinging behind his eyes and the tightness in his throat. He forced himself to smile back and made to move closer, when the two strangers saw him.</p>
<p>“Is that—”</p>
<p>“Son, do you want to explain—”</p>
<p>Aang, who was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement, immediately launched into a defense. “It’s okay Suki, he’s good now! He’s my firebending teacher!”</p>
<p>“Yeah dad,” said Sokka, turning to his father and holding up Izumi, “Zuko’s actually less of a jerk than we thought he was. Look, this is his baby!”</p>
<p>Neither of the strangers spoke, but just stood there with their mouths agape. Sensing a difficult conversation on the horizon, Zuko seized the lull in the action to step forward and take back his daughter.</p>
<p>“You know what, I think I’ll go put her down for a nap,” he said, reaching out to grab Izumi.</p>
<p>“Aww, okay.” As Sokka passed her back, their hands brushed. Zuko flinched, and, ignoring the brief look of hurt on Sokka’s face, turned and went back to his room.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zuko considered every possible excuse to get out of dinner that night, but nothing was believable in the least bit. Besides, he was hungry, and Izumi had shown admirable willingness to try real food the past few days, and he didn’t want to her to lose interest now. So, gritting his teeth and gripping his daughter like a shield, Zuko sat around the campfire and did <em>not </em>look at Sokka, who was telling the tale of how he liberated his father and his…friend from the most secure prison in the Fire Nation, because of course that was something he would do. Instead, Zuko fed his daughter mushed rice and beans, and did <em>not </em>watch as the strange girl leaned up against Sokka, and did <em>not </em>grimace when she pressed their legs closer together until they were practically entwined. (Actually, Zuko learned through an awkward introduction, he and the girl—Suki—had met before. Apparently, he had burned down her village.)</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>In the glow of the fire, with the warmth of a drowsy baby on his lap, Zuko felt his eyes drooping. His head snapped back up from where it had fallen against his shoulder at the rumble of a low voice next to him.</p>
<p>“She’s very calm.” Sokka and Katara’s father—Hakoda—sat next to him. He nodded at Izumi as Zuko blinked sleep away. “How old is she?”</p>
<p>“Oh, um…about nine months. Almost ten,” he said, ashamed at how long it took him to remember his daughter’s age.</p>
<p>Hakoda smiled, and Zuko had to look away. It was too kind. When he spoke, his voice was full of understanding.</p>
<p>“I loved when those two were that age, before they could walk. It’s so much easier to keep track of a baby that can’t move,” he said, laughing softly. “And before they can talk! Once they figured out they could talk to each other, I spent every waking moment breaking up fights. Either that, or foiling whatever pranks they cooked up.” He paused, staring at an indeterminable spot above the flickering campfire.</p>
<p>“Does she talk?” he asked after a moment, looking back to Zuko and Izumi, who was almost asleep.</p>
<p>Zuko wiped drool off her face, and answered, “No, but she screams a lot. She also says ‘Ya Ya’ a lot, but that’s not really a word.”</p>
<p>“Is that…what she calls you?”</p>
<p>“Oh, no. Aang showed her a statue of Avatar Yangchen, and she’s kind of obsessed with it. She’ll just scream ‘Ya Ya’ and start crawling towards the chamber with the statue.”</p>
<p>Hakoda snorted. It <em>was </em>kind of funny. Obsession with the Avatar seemed to be genetic. Zuko suppressed a smile as he stroked Izumi’s hair, which smelled like jasmine thanks to her most recent bath.</p>
<p>They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the thrum of conversation around them. Across the fire, Suki was telling Aang how she and her friends looked after the sky bison when he was lost, Toph was arguing with Teo about potential modifications to his wheelchair, and Katara and Sokka were engaged in conversation with Haru about…something Zuko couldn’t quite make out. The two kept glancing in his direction; it nearly drove Zuko insane until he realized they weren’t looking at him. They were looking at their father.</p>
<p><em>How long has it been since he left them? </em>Sokka said his father had left when he was barely thirteen. <em>That would make it…almost five years. </em>Zuko wrapped his arms around Izumi a little tighter.</p>
<p>“My son was telling me what you’ve done.” Zuko froze. He had been waiting for this, for his newfound friends to turn on him.</p>
<p>But Hakoda’s voice wasn’t filled with malice. Instead, it sounded like he was smiling. Zuko couldn’t move to see whether he was or not.</p>
<p>“How you’ve been teaching his friend firebending, and how you walked across the entire Earth Kingdom with a baby in tow.” He definitely sounded like he was smiling now, with a hint of admiration entering his voice.</p>
<p>“He also said you…took baths together?”</p>
<p>Embarrassment shocked the fear straight out of Zuko, and he felt his face flush all the way to tips of his ears as he turned to face Hakoda.</p>
<p>“That is <em>not</em>—we all were in the bath, even your daughter!” Hakoda looked even more confused.</p>
<p>“I mean—it was a group bath, okay? Like in a pool. It was a pool, not a bath tub. We were <em>swimming</em>, but there was soap, so…,” he said sheepishly, looking back down at Izumi and wishing his face would get less red.</p>
<p>He could hear Hakoda holding back laughter as he said, “I’m glad you’re all having fun. You kids deserve it,” he added, looking towards the fire again.</p>
<p>His voice was soft a few minutes later when he asked, “May I hold her?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Zuko had zoned out again, coming to when he saw Hakoda’s expectant gaze. “Oh, uh, sure,” he said awkwardly, cradling Izumi as carefully as possible so as not to wake her, and passed her over.</p>
<p>She yawned but didn’t wake as Hakoda held her, one of his broad hands spanning the length of her back and head. He tucked her close to his chest and grasped one of her tiny hands, cooing.</p>
<p>“What a little star,” he whispered, to no one in particular.</p>
<p>After a night of trying to ignore the activity on the other side of the fire, Zuko finally did so without thinking, focusing instead on his sleeping daughter. If he had looked across, he would have noticed Katara trying to get the attention of Sokka, who was gazing at his father rocking the child he held so dear, and the friend he had been longing to touch all day and night.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Midnight again.</p>
<p>Zuko leaned back against the pillar and slid to the ground, an arms-length away from Sokka.</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>“Can’t sleep?”</p>
<p>“Nah.”</p>
<p>“Something up?”</p>
<p>“Just lots of thoughts.”<br/>“You can think?”</p>
<p>“Shut up.”</p>
<p>They both huffed, the night too quiet for laughter. Neither looked at each other. Sokka watched the moon, which was getting smaller since the first night they had talked, and Zuko admired how the light dripped on the treetops below.</p>
<p>Zuko drew a shaking breath, trying to muster the nerve to say what he came out here to say.</p>
<p>“I saw you holding hands with Suki today.”</p>
<p>He heard Sokka sigh. He still couldn’t look.</p>
<p>“Yeah. We were,” he said.</p>
<p>“So, are you two…dating, then?” Zuko asked, carefully keeping his voice neutral.</p>
<p>“Not sure. We haven’t really talked about it yet. Things might not work out. I know she wants to go back to Kyoshi Island, after all this is over. And I want to go home, but I’m not a fan of long-distance relationships.” He paused. “People can hold hands with their friends, you know. It’s not just a dating thing. Or do you guys not hold hands before marriage in the Fire Nation?”</p>
<p>Zuko shrugged, ignoring the joke. “Physical affection wasn’t stressed in my family. I was just…curious, is all.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.”</p>
<p>A moment passed before Sokka leaned over, adding, “Suki’s trans, too.”</p>
<p>This prompted Zuko to finally look over. Sokka was half-smiling, as though he knew this information would snap Zuko out of his brooding.</p>
<p>“Is she okay with you telling me that?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s not like she keeps it a secret. She’s <em>always </em>talking about it! Seriously, when we first met, that’s all we talked about for hours.”</p>
<p>“Huh,” said Zuko, tearing his eyes away from Sokka and looking down at his feet.</p>
<p>“She likes you, she told me.”</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>?”</p>
<p>“Yeah! She thinks you’re cool,” Sokka said, smiling as Zuko whipped around once again.</p>
<p>“But I burned down her island. And threatened to kill her and her friends. Why would she like me?” questioned Zuko, in disbelief.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I don’t get it either,” said Sokka. “But I told her about what you did for Izumi, how you walked all the way here to keep her safe, and how you’re teaching Aang. She admires your guts,” he added sincerely.</p>
<p>“I didn’t <em>walk </em>all the way here,” Zuko muttered, still coming to terms with the fact that no one seemed to care for the finer details of his flight from Ba Sing Se.</p>
<p>“Also, she really wants to hold Izumi,” Sokka said, surreptitiously scooting closer. “She kept nagging me to call you over the other night at dinner, so you would bring the baby and you wouldn’t be trapped talking to my dad.”</p>
<p>“Your father is very kind,” said Zuko, ignoring Sokka’s movement, his voice returning to neutral.</p>
<p>“He’s pretty great.”<br/>Silence fell once again. Zuko tilted his head back against the pillar, gazing up at the ivy-covered overhang, and Sokka gave up on getting closer and returned to watching the moon.</p>
<p><em>I’m going to miss this. </em>The thought hit Zuko suddenly, and he fought to keep his breathing steady as an all-too-familiar burning welled behind his eyes.</p>
<p>Choking back the lump in his throat, he whispered, “What’s going to happen? With the war, with everything.”</p>
<p>Sokka sighed. When he spoke, his speech sounded practiced, as though he had had this same conversation with himself many times before.</p>
<p>“We’ll win. We have to.”</p>
<p>He sounded less confident and more resigned. They both knew there was no other option; they won, or they died.</p>
<p>“So, what are you going to do? After we win,” asked Sokka, his voice brightening.</p>
<p>“I haven’t really thought it.” It was true—Zuko had spent so many hours worrying about how things would end that he had not given much thought to what would come after.</p>
<p>“Once my father is defeated, I’ll become Fire Lord. It’ll be my duty to guide my people through the aftermath of his rule, to rebuild. And not just the Fire Nation—the whole world. Too many lives have been ruined because of my family. It’s up to me to atone for the sins of my grandfathers.”</p>
<p>There was a brief lull before Sokka cackled.</p>
<p>“What? What did I say?” Zuko turned on him, all shyness forgotten.</p>
<p>“Nothing, nothing, you’re just…” Sokka wheezed. “You’re so <em>stoic. </em>Does everyone in the Fire Nation talk like you?”</p>
<p>“Stop making fun of me,” Zuko pouted, crossing his arms like a moody toddler.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry for laughing at you, Prince Valiant. Seriously, your plans are—are admirable,” Sokka said, finally calming down.</p>
<p>“What are <em>you </em>going to do?” Zuko asked, ignoring the way Sokka was grinning at him.</p>
<p>“First things first, the minute the war is over, I’m going to grab dad and Katara and go home. Help the Southern Water Tribe rebuild, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Sorry about that,” Zuko said sheepishly, remembering the crack of the sea ice as his ship plowed through the edge of Sokka’s village all those months ago.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you should be. You destroyed my watchtower! Do you know how many kids I had to bribe to help me build that? I gave away my all my sea prunes at dinner for a month!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry! ...What are sea prunes?”</p>
<p>“Water Tribe delicacy, bud. And I don’t just mean my watchtower,” said Sokka, his tone suddenly sobering. “Once all the men come back, maybe things will be back to normal. Maybe we can start thriving again, instead of just hanging on. I know the healers and benders from the North will help, but there’s so much we have to do for ourselves. I know I make fun of her, but we’re really lucky to have Katara. She’s just…a good leader,” Sokka said, his voice quieting as he talked about his sister.</p>
<p>“I’ll help, I promise,” Zuko said earnestly, giving up on keeping his distance and scooting closer. Not close enough to touch, but close enough to see the corners of Sokka’s mouth turn up as he spoke.</p>
<p>“Thanks. Maybe we can set up some kind of legal, diplomatic thing, so you can visit us and not raise any eyebrows at home,” said Sokka.</p>
<p>“Yeah, a diplomatic thing,” teased Zuko. “Very official. I’ll have to come up with a <em>diplomatic thing</em> for you, so you can visit me and my advisors won’t be able to complain.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like a plan. Who will sit on the throne while you’re away?”</p>
<p>“Izumi.”</p>
<p>This time they both laughed.</p>
<p>As the last echoes of their laughter dissipated in the cavernous hall, Zuko sighed. The loneliness that plagued him began to creep back into his mind. The thought of being away from his friends threatened to turn his laughter to tears, so Zuko seized upon a shred of bravery and choked out a question.</p>
<p>“Hey Sokka?”</p>
<p>“Hmm?”</p>
<p>“You said hands—holding hands—it’s not just a dating thing.”</p>
<p>“I did.”</p>
<p>“That friends could do it, too.”</p>
<p>“Yep.”</p>
<p>Why was he making this so hard?</p>
<p>“Do you think—maybe—we’re…friends, right?”</p>
<p>Sokka smiled, and the fondness nearly knocked Zuko out.</p>
<p>“Yeah, buddy, we’re friends.”</p>
<p>The thought emboldened Zuko, and he forced out the rest of his query.</p>
<p>“Do you mind—could we—” He stuck out his hand, letting it awkwardly hang in the air for a moment while Sokka stared at it, before flopping to the ground like a dead fish.</p>
<p>“Yeah, we could,” Sokka said, smiling, before reaching out and taking Zuko’s hand in his.</p>
<p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know the Boiling Rock is like the foundation upon which Zukka is built, but Zuko abandoning his daughter to throw himself into an extremely dangerous situation just didn't feel right. Anyways, thanks for reading! <br/>Also, you may have noticed that I finally have a chapter count! There will 8 chapters total (it's almost finished ;-;)!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Tuesday! No additional warnings for this chapter, just Zuko being emo (again).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before he knew it, it was over. He didn’t know what he expected—to feel triumphant, or brave, or even relieved. Instead, gazing at his baby sister sobbing and screaming, Zuko just felt hollow.</p>
<p>“Come on, we have to go,” said Katara. Zuko felt her entire body shaking with exertion as she pulled him off the ground and put his arm around her shoulder.</p>
<p>He couldn’t take his eyes off Azula.</p>
<p>“No,” he said, grunting in pain as he attempted to step towards his sister, “I have to—”</p>
<p>“<em>Zuko.</em> You can’t help her. Not right now,” said Katara, her voice dripping with sympathy as she looked Zuko in the eye.</p>
<p>He had never felt more like a traitor than when he turned and limped away from the field, leaning on Katara’s shoulder, listening to his sister’s screams until the heavy door of the royal palace shut behind him.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The sounds of life filtered in from behind the wooden doors. This was how Zuko always imagined life under the earliest Fire Lords sounded—the joyful shouts, the chants, the feeling that everyone actually wanted to be there. It hadn’t actually been that way, Zuko knew—another lie by Sozin to control his people—but the paintings in his school texts of ancient coronations had enchanted him. Everyone looked so elated and proud. He had wanted someone to be that proud of him.</p>
<p>“Zuko!” Aang’s shout interrupted his thoughts as he whirled around the corner in a blur of yellow robes.</p>
<p>“Buddy!” Zuko replied, surprised at how excited he was to see Aang. They hadn’t had many chances to talk since the end of the war.</p>
<p>Aang screeched to a halt in front of him, sending up motes of dust. When he stood to his full height, he was almost taller than Zuko. <em>When did that happen? </em>he wondered.</p>
<p>He flashed a guileless grin and stretched his arms wide.</p>
<p>“Can I?” Aang asked.</p>
<p>“Yes,” said Zuko, already moving to hug him. How could he say no?</p>
<p>Aang positively radiated joy, and Zuko hid a small smile in his friend’s shoulder. Much to Zuko’s chagrin, Aang pulled away first. He was still beaming.</p>
<p>“How’s Katara doing?” he asked, squashing the desire to ask for another hug.</p>
<p>“She’s good. Izumi was asleep last I saw. How can she sleep through all that music?” Aang said. Zuko had left his daughter in the care of his friends for the handful of minutes it took to officially crown him Fire Lord. He longed to have her in arms again, but apparently Izumi wasn’t taking the separation too harshly.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. She can sleep through a horn blowing in her ear, but she’ll wake up when she hears me roll over in the middle of the night. I’m just glad she’s not causing you guys any trouble.”</p>
<p>“She would never cause trouble,” said Aang, his face suddenly brightening. “Oh! That reminds me why I came. Sokka is looking for you.”</p>
<p>Zuko ignored the way his heart leapt at the sound of that name.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t he come find me himself?” he asked, keeping any emotion out of his voice.</p>
<p>“He said the palace confuses him and he would end up getting lost and missing the ceremony.”</p>
<p>“All right,” Zuko sighed. “Where is he?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka hastily stuffed a scroll back onto a shelf as the door creaked open, slapping a hand to the end to stop it from unfurling.</p>
<p>“Yes?” he squawked, clasping his hands behind his back and leaning casually against the end of the scroll. He waited for a random Fire Nation dignitary to enter and have him arrested on the spot for defiling some cultural treasure or another. Instead, long ceremonial robes swished against the floor as the pinched face of a friend appeared in the doorway.</p>
<p>“Sokka? Why do you sound like that?” asked Zuko, who made to walk into the drawing room but stopped short at the sight of his friend blushing.</p>
<p>“Nothing! No reason,” he said, his voice cracking.</p>
<p>Zuko carefully stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. He didn’t walk any farther, instead letting his arms hang at his sides so the sleeves of his robes covered them, and stared. Neither one moved.</p>
<p>“Aang said you wanted to see me?” Zuko said at last, before the silence could get too awkward.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, it’s not that important, if you have Fire Lord business to attend to—” Sokka turned away and fiddled with the fur trimming on the sleeves of his own ceremonial outfit. His robes were far too hot for Fire Nation weather, with white seal fur trimming the sleeves and hem of the thick blue fabric, and a million tassels circling his arms that rippled when he moved, but Sokka was <em>not</em> showing up to his friend’s coronation ceremony underdressed.</p>
<p>“Nothing is more important than my friends,” said Zuko, surreptitiously shuffling forward. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Does something have to be wrong for me to want to see you?” asked Sokka.</p>
<p>“Well, no,” said Zuko, confused. “But you’re acting defensive. Something’s bothering you.”</p>
<p>“I just wanted to see you, before…” Sokka trailed off.</p>
<p>“I’m here,” said Zuko, awkwardly lifting and stretching his arms out. Sokka snorted.</p>
<p>“You’re here,” he repeated quietly. “Everything’s going to be different, isn’t it?” he said after a moment.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” asked Zuko, seizing a shred of bravery and crossing the room to stand an arms-length away from Sokka.</p>
<p>“After you become Fire Lord. I mean, Aang’s already in full Avatar-mode, and dad’s talking about stepping down as chief and having Katara take his place, and Toph—I don’t even know what she’s up to, but I’m sure she’ll run off once the festivities are over. And I just—I don’t want things to <em>change</em>,” he said, the word striking Zuko in the heart.</p>
<p>“They don’t have to,” said Zuko, who felt physical pain from holding himself back from embracing his friend. “I’ll still be here, and you can always come visit. You’ll always be welcome here. All of you,” he said, a thought suddenly hitting him. “Izumi’s first birthday is in a few months. I won’t let a single one of you leave the palace until you all promise to come.”</p>
<p>This seemed to cheer Sokka up. He smiled, and Zuko had to grab onto the bookshelf to keep from falling over.</p>
<p>“That’s a good idea! I’m definitely getting her something dangerous for her birthday. How about a little boomerang? Do you think she has the fine motor skills for a boomerang?”</p>
<p>“You are not giving my daughter a boomerang. Not until she’s at least five,” Zuko added, unable to resist Sokka’s crestfallen look.</p>
<p>“I’m holding you to that. The second she turns five, I’m flying up from the South Pole and sticking a boomerang in her hands.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure she’ll love it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know she will,” said Sokka. “It’s probably good to wait. She’d just chew on it if I gave her one now.”</p>
<p>Zuko nodded, silently hoping Izumi would sleep through the entire ceremony, for Katara’s sake. If the intricacy of Sokka’s outfit was any indication, Katara’s would benefit from not having baby-sized teeth marks on it.</p>
<p>They stood in silence for a moment as Zuko tried to order his thoughts.</p>
<p>“Will you be staying? After the ceremony, I mean,” he asked softly.</p>
<p>“I was planning on hanging around for a few days. I’ll have to talk with Aang and Katara, though—Appa’s my ride.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, Zuko was the one dreading change.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he whispered, trying to mask his disappointment.</p>
<p>Sokka saw through it.</p>
<p>“Come ‘ere,” he said, grabbing Zuko by the over-large ceremonial shoulder plates and pulling him into a tight embrace. Zuko closed his eyes and melted into the hug. He breathed in deep—it was embarrassing to admit, but Sokka smelled wonderful. The plush fur of his collar smelled faintly smoky, reminding him of the many nights spent around a fire at the Western Air Temple, and his hair, which had grown so it was just dusting the tops of his ears, smelled like the day at the baths: soft and floral and clean.</p>
<p>Zuko wanted to weep when Sokka pulled away, but the other man didn’t let go. Instead, their arms still around one another, he leaned his head in close and rested his forehead against Zuko’s, closing his eyes. Zuko let himself relax again—he hadn’t noticed the familiar tension that had returned when Sokka moved.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes again and exhaled, committing to memory the warmth of Sokka’s back beneath his hands, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, and the whisper of his breath against Zuko’s face.</p>
<p>“Your breath stinks like fire flakes.” Zuko huffed, prompting a teasing “Ew!” from Sokka. Of course the moment couldn’t last.</p>
<p>“I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. Izumi woke me up early and wouldn’t go back to sleep, so I was occupied.”</p>
<p>“Disgusting. Are you still allowed to be Fire Lord if you’re gross? I feel like that’s grounds for an overthrow,” Sokka teased, as Zuko threw his head back and laughed. “Sorry councilors, sorry fellow countrymen, I can no longer be Fire Lord, seeing as I am far too gross. I am taking time away to focus on my personal hygiene,” he said as Zuko dissolved into giggles, which was a rare sight.</p>
<p>Without meaning to, Zuko removed his arms from around Sokka and fell back against the shelf, trying to calm himself down.</p>
<p>“One more crack like that and I’m banning you from the Fire Nation,” Zuko said, still wheezing.</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t ban me. You lo—like me too much,” said Sokka, grabbing Zuko’s hand and pulling him upright. “Someone’s probably looking for you by now. I bet the ceremony’s come and gone and you weren’t there.”</p>
<p>“Who would they crown in my place?” asked Zuko, reluctantly letting go of Sokka’s hand and smoothing his hair back.</p>
<p>“Momo.”</p>
<p>The thought of Momo on the throne made Zuko double over again and wheeze.</p>
<p>“Come <em>on!</em>” Sokka pulled him along, backing up out of the door while dragging Zuko forward. “Are you really going to let Momo steal your throne? Let’s get moving, Jerk Lord. You’re late to your destiny.”</p>
<p>Finally managing to get himself upright, Zuko evened out his breathing, and, arm in arm with his friend, approached the wooden double doors behind which his future lay.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“He’s here! Your Uncle Aang is here!” Zuko adjusted his grip on Izumi, who squealed and reached towards the sky at the sight of Appa emerging from above the clouds. He bellowed down at them as Aang waved frantically, as though they might not see him. Zuko and Izumi waved back; in the saddle behind him, Zuko could see two figures in Water Tribe blue leaning over the side. “Look! Your Aunt Katara and Uncle Sokka are here, too!”</p>
<p>The three piled on Zuko as soon as they landed, sliding off the bison and launching themselves at him.</p>
<p>“Watch the baby, watch the baby!” he shouted, but his friends paid little heed. Sokka and Katara wrapped their arms around him, and Aang, who had somehow grown even taller in the two months since Zuko had seen him, embraced everyone at once.</p>
<p>The reunion erupted in a cacophony of shouts and questions, Katara wanting to know how Izumi was doing, Sokka wanting to know if Zuko had dyed his hair, Zuko wanting to know how Aang got so <em>tall</em>— Zuko couldn’t help smiling. His <em>friends </em>were back. He could let himself relax, at least for a moment.</p>
<p>“Come inside, I had food prepared,” he said, pulling from the muddle and motioning his friends towards the palace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, how are you doing? You never answered us,” Sokka asked, popping another fish roll in his mouth. Despite the presence of a table in the drawing room, the gang sat on the floor to accommodate Izumi, who was showing off her new ability to walk. She stumbled to Katara, snatched food off her plate, then ran away, falling and giggling. Katara didn’t seem to mind, gasping in mock surprise and tickling Izumi whenever she came near. The way Aang and Katara’s hands met on the floor didn’t escape Zuko’s notice. For some reason, he didn’t think it was just a friend thing.</p>
<p>“We’re doing well. Izumi can walk now, and I feel like she’s going to start talking soon. The Fire Nation is improving. It’s slow, but it’s still progress. About a week ago, the last remaining soldiers in the Earth Kingdom withdrew home. I’m working with my advisors to draw up a plan for rebuilding homes damaged during the fighting, and to reform the school curriculums.”</p>
<p>“That’s great to hear, but what about <em>you? </em>How are you doing, Zuko?” Katara pressed.</p>
<p>“I…” What should he tell them? That his insomnia had returned, but he had no one to talk to? That every day, Azula’s doctors told him she was getting worse? That he had been forced to fire half his cabinet after they refused to serve under a banished prince? That sometimes it seemed like his nation didn’t want him as a leader?</p>
<p>“I’m happy now that you guys are here,” he said finally. He smiled again, but it didn’t reach his eyes.</p>
<p>Sokka lobbed a piece of fruit at his forehead. “We’re happy to see you too, Lord Jerkface.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Toph and Uncle Iroh arrived together, later that evening. Somehow the two had met each other again while on the road, Uncle travelling from Ba Sing Se and Toph from…somewhere.</p>
<p>“Where have you been, Toph? I haven’t heard from you since you left!” Aang asked, voicing the question that was on everyone’s minds.</p>
<p>“Oh, here and there. I tried to go back to Ba Sing Se, but they wouldn’t let me in, even though I told the guards I knew the king. They told me to prove it, and I told them to kiss my ass, so now I’m banned from the south-eastern gate,” she said nonchalantly, sticking her perpetually dirty feet up on the table. For the evening meal, they had moved to a proper dining room, with thick red tapestries hanging from every square inch, except for a discolored spot where a painting of Fire Lord Sozin once hung. Zuko was considering commissioning portraits of Izumi to fill the empty frames left behind by his ancestors.</p>
<p>“What about the other gates?” asked Sokka.</p>
<p>Toph snorted. “I thought about trying them, but I got bored and went to Omashu instead. I knew Bumi wouldn’t turn me away. I hung out there for a while, showed him how to metalbend. I also helped him build some tunnels, just in case he needs to escape the city without anyone noticing. But I figured at that point I was probably late to the kid’s birthday, so I start walking here when I ran into him.” She gestured roughly in Uncle’s direction. He was sipping a steaming cup of tea (he had brewed it himself, of course—Zuko knew him too well to expect him to drink someone else’s tea), and nodded sagely as Toph spoke.</p>
<p>“I was happy to see a familiar face. You would be surprised how many friends you can make while travelling,” he said. Zuko ached, hearing his Uncle’s voice again. He had missed him a terrifying amount, and was reluctant to let him return to Ba Sing Se. Still, he was a little unsettled now at how comfortably his uncle settled into the stiff, highbacked chairs of the dining room. He looked like he belonged here in the royal palace just as much as he belonged behind the counter of the Jasmine Dragon.</p>
<p>“And I wasn’t late after all! By the way, where is the kid? I got something for her,” said Toph.</p>
<p>“She’s asleep. She actually has a bedtime now,” Zuko replied.</p>
<p>“Lame. I’ll just have to give her her incredibly awesome and sharp sword tomorrow,” Toph said, stuffing noodles in her mouth as Zuko sputtered.</p>
<p>“That’s not fair! Zuko, you said I couldn’t give her a boomerang, but Toph can give her a sword?” exclaimed Sokka.</p>
<p>“No! No one is giving my infant daughter weapons!” Zuko shouted.</p>
<p>“Well what do babies like, then? Books? Can she read?”</p>
<p>“She likes toys, dolls, bedtime stories—not weapons! And no, she can’t read, Toph. She’s only a year old,” sighed Zuko. As much as he adored his friends, they could be incredibly obtuse when it came to child care.</p>
<p>“Hmm. Well, when you think she’s ready for a sword, let me know,” said Toph, noisily slurping up a stray noodle.</p>
<p>“Zuko said she can have a boomerang when she’s five, so I think four is a good age for a sword,” added Sokka.</p>
<p>“Sokka!”</p>
<p>Uncle took a sip of tea, carefully timed to hide his grin. His kids were all right.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It took Izumi all of three minutes to destroy the giant rice cake set before her. Zuko grimaced as he watched his daughter scream with delight and smear sticky-sweet filling all over her face and hair and clothing. Bath time would be difficult tonight, but it was worth it to see his daughter so happy.</p>
<p>She sat at the head of the table in a more lavish dining room than the gang had gathered in the night before. It was more spacious, to accommodate the increased number of guests: that morning, Suki, Ty Lee, and the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors had arrived. Zuko had a feeling Ty Lee had pushed for the trip. When he greeted them out front of the palace, she had launched herself at Zuko and refused to let him go, talking a mile a minute about how much she had missed her old friends (an important distinction—Zuko knew she had plenty of new friends now, as she soon moved on to talking non-stop about them).</p>
<p>Mai had come, too, though she hadn’t needed to travel far. Her family had remained in the vicinity of the palace, and she had begrudgingly accepted the role of Auntie in Izumi’s life.</p>
<p>Of course, Suki was enjoying herself, too. She was sandwiched between Sokka and Katara, chatting with them and with Aang, who kept leaning in front of Katara to speak to her.</p>
<p>Zuko looked away. He didn’t want to think about how Sokka was smiling at Suki, how he wished he would smile at him that way. Instead, he focused on wiping food off his daughter’s face, an effort which seemed to be in vain as she continued eating messy fistfuls of the dessert.</p>
<p>“Zuko, would you like to move to the drawing room? I think the little one won’t be awake much longer,” said Uncle. He was right; after consuming large amounts of sugar, Izumi tended to crash.</p>
<p>“Good idea, Uncle. Zuzu, are you ready for presents?” Zuko asked his daughter, who shrieked and planted a sticky hand on his sleeve.</p>
<p>“I’m just going to take that as a yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The drawing room was tighter than the dining room, but his friends didn’t seem to mind. They gathered on the floor, forming a circle with Izumi, Zuko, Uncle, and a small pile of gifts near the front.</p>
<p>“Which one should we open first?” asked Zuko. He directed the question at his daughter, who was already showing signs of crashing. Her eyes were drooping, and she didn’t scream once.</p>
<p>“Ooh, open mine, open mine!” said Ty Lee, who was wiggling with excitement. “It’s the one that’s fan-shaped,” she added, before immediately slapping her hand over her mouth.</p>
<p>Zuko smothered a grin and selected the present that was shaped like a fan, weighed as much as a fan, and clicked softly like a fan when he shook it.</p>
<p>“I wonder what this is. Help me open it, Izumi?” He offered it to his daughter, who blinked at him with glazed eyes.</p>
<p>“All right. Here we go.” Zuko carefully tore open the paper. Inside was a fan, small enough that Izumi could hold and use it if she had more developed fine motor skills. When Zuko unfolded it, he saw that the paper was painted with dancing dragons, red and blue, and on one panel delicate characters read, “Izumi’s First Birthday”.</p>
<p>“This is beautiful,” Zuko breathed, carefully holding the fan out of reach of Izumi’s sticky fingers.</p>
<p>Ty Lee’s smile spanned her whole face. “Thank you! I painted it myself,” she added shyly.</p>
<p>The circle murmured in appreciation.</p>
<p>“That’s incredible. Can you say thank you, Izumi?” Izumi babbled sleepily.</p>
<p>“Why not open these cards next?” suggested Uncle, passing Zuko a small stack of envelopes. He opened the first one and pulled out the message inside, admiring the quality of the paper.</p>
<p>“Haru and Teo send their regrets. They wish they could make it but they’re busy helping rebuild Omashu. Teo is an architecture consultant and is working to make the city more accessible, and Haru is teaching young earthbenders,” Zuko read aloud. He had wondered where the two were, and had worried they would not feel welcome in the Fire Nation. He was glad to hear, then, that they were engrossed in reconstruction, along with the rest of the world, it seemed.</p>
<p>“Why wouldn’t he teach me how to earthbend?” Aang whined. Toph slugged him in the shoulder, and grinned as that elicited more whining.</p>
<p>“He knew I was gonna come along some day, twinkletoes,” she said.</p>
<p>“All right, moving on,” said Zuko. The next in the stack was addressed, in a childish scrawl, to “Mr. Fire Lord and his Baby”. Zuko smiled as he pulled out the card. It was covered in stick figures, with a more practiced hand having labeled each one. Zuko was there—his figure had long hair and was holding a blob labeled “Real Baby”.</p>
<p>“This one’s from the Duke,” he said, and several people cooed. “He says he wanted to come, but his friends didn’t want to go the Fire Nation and he won’t go anywhere without his friends ever again,” he read. Ignoring the uneasy feeling that came with that admission, he continued reading. “He also says that if he were here, he would give Izumi and everyone else giant hugs.” Several awws followed that, but the atmosphere in the room had changed. Zuko shoved negative thoughts aside and held his daughter tighter, and moved on to the rest of the stack of cards. He could think about his family’s legacy later. Today, he would celebrate the changes he had made.</p>
<p>One pile of well-wishes later, Zuko reached for a present. Izumi was struggling to stay awake, and he wanted to get through the gifts before she completely conked out.</p>
<p>“Who’s this one from?” he asked, holding a small, light package wrapped in colored paper.</p>
<p>“That’s mine,” answered Katara and Aang simultaneously, before looking at each other and laughing. Zuko hid a smile as Sokka faux-gagged.</p>
<p>He tore open the paper and nearly jumped out of his skin as Izumi shrieked. Inside was a little fabric doll made to look like Avatar Yangchen. She wore tiny Air Nomad robes, had yarn for hair and button eyes, and delicate tattoos painted in vivid blue on her forehead and hands. Zuko didn’t get long to admire the doll. Izumi yanked it out of his hands and babbled loudly, all sleepiness forgotten.</p>
<p>“Ya Ya! Ya Ya!” she shouted, thrusting the doll in Zuko’s face and screaming nonsense.</p>
<p>“I’m glad she likes it!” said Katara, raising her voice to be heard over the din.</p>
<p>“I made it myself!” added Aang, grinning.</p>
<p>It was hard to compete with Ya Ya. Zuko apologized profusely to everyone whose gift he opened afterwards, as Izumi only had eyes for the doll. It had been enough to shake her out of her sugar-induced stupor, and now she wouldn’t stop babbling. Zuko pushed the doll out of his face and thanked a random Kyoshi warrior for her thoughtful gift when a sound made him freeze.</p>
<p>“Dada!” Izumi grabbed at the hand he held in front of his face and shoved her doll in its place. “Dada?” she said again, sounding worried when her dad didn’t move.</p>
<p>Gasps and squeals whispered around the room as the guests realized what had happened. Somehow, Zuko remembered how to breathe. He pulled his daughter to him as she protested and went back to whacking her doll against him. <em>Don’t cry in front of my friends, don’t cry in front of my friends</em>, Zuko willed himself, but it was to no avail. At the sound of a sniffle, his friends encircled him and squished him and Izumi in a group hug. She seemed to enjoy it—she started whacking her doll against Katara, who had the fortune of standing closest to her.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe she did it! She can speak!” said Aang, weaving a hand amongst the mass of people to pat Izumi’s downy head.</p>
<p>“Finally, we can communicate. I know some cool words I can teach her,” added Toph.</p>
<p>“You are <em>not </em>teaching my daughter to swear,” Zuko said, finding it in himself to answer, despite his emotional state. “It’s within my power to ban you from the Fire Nation, Toph. If I catch her saying anything—”</p>
<p>“You couldn’t ban me, Sparky. You like me too much.” Toph was right—Zuko wished he could stay in this moment forever, floating in the euphoria of hearing his daughter speak, wrapped in the warmth of his friends’ embrace. He couldn’t help another sniffle, and one of the arms around his shoulder tightened.</p>
<p>“We got you, buddy,” Sokka whispered, his breath warm in Zuko’s ear.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It felt like Zuko had only just closed his eyes when a heavy, toddler-sized weight fell <em>whump </em>on his chest. The weight shoved a pudgy finger in his face.</p>
<p>“Daddy?” Zuko bit back a sigh and peeled his tired eyes open, staring his almost-two-year-old daughter in the face.</p>
<p>“Daddy!” she squealed, kicking her legs against Zuko’s ribs, eliciting a groan.</p>
<p>“Baby, what are you doing up this early?” he asked, pulling Izumi into his lap as he shifted into a sitting position.</p>
<p>“Birthday, daddy!” she said, like it was obvious. Zuko snapped awake. It <em>was </em>her birthday. That meant his friends were coming today.</p>
<p>“It <em>is </em>your birthday, Izumi,” he said absently, running a hand over his daughter’s back as she whacked her doll against his legs. It was the same doll she had received for her first birthday, the one made to look like Avatar Yangchen. The poor thing hadn’t left Izumi’s hands since the moment she got it—much of its hair had fallen out, a button eye was loose, and the blue arrows were faded. Still, it was Izumi’s most favorite thing in the world, and Zuko feared no amount of wear would make her put the doll down long enough for him to at least wash it.</p>
<p>“Happy birthday, baby,” he murmured. “Come on, let’s get up. I think you need a bath,” he said, reluctantly getting out of bed, taking Izumi with him. It was no use trying to get her back to bed—once Izumi was up, she stayed up.</p>
<p>“Stinky?” she asked. Zuko made a show of wrinkling his nose.</p>
<p>“Yes, you’re stinky. You need a bath before seeing our guests today.”</p>
<p>“I’m stinky!” she squealed, flailing her arms and backhanding Zuko with Ya Ya in the process. Zuko felt sorry for the doll. It was about to get a bath, too.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Sokka! Aang!” Zuko waved to his friends as they descended from the sky, Appa bellowing in greeting. Izumi, never one to be left out, waved and screamed nonsense from where she sat in Uncle Iroh’s arms.</p>
<p>The two waved back, Sokka nearly falling out of the saddle in his enthusiasm to see Zuko. <em>But where was Katara? </em>Zuko wondered, trying not to let worry furrow his brows.</p>
<p>“Zuko!” Aang slid down Appa’s side with far more grace than Sokka, who followed him. “It’s so good to see you!” said Aang, nearly bowling Zuko over with the force of his hug. Aang’s breath puffed against the top of Zuko’s head—he was almost a full head taller than him by now, and seemed to have grown since Zuko had last seen him several months ago. Sokka had grown, too—Zuko’s cheek pressed against his neck as Sokka wrapped his long, lean arms around both of them.</p>
<p>“It’s so good to see you, buddy,” he said, and Zuko wanted to cry. He had missed this. “And how’s my favorite baby?” Sokka pulled away as Zuko fought the embarrassing urge to grab him and not let go. Izumi screamed and stretched her arms out to Sokka, and Uncle laughed and handed her over.</p>
<p>Zuko turned to Aang, who had a fond smile on his face as he watched Izumi grab at Sokka’s sparse beard. “Where’s Katara?” he asked, trying not to sound disappointed.</p>
<p>“Oh, she had chiefly duties to attend to. So much has happened down there in the past year. The population has practically doubled so she’s trying to find places for people to live, and she’s helping teach waterbenders that came down from the North, and on top of that, her dad is getting married! So of course she wanted to help plan the wedding, and then there was the thing with her grandma—”</p>
<p>“Her dad’s getting married?” Zuko cut Aang off, not wanting this detail to get lost in whatever story Aang was about to launch into.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, didn’t you hear? He’s marrying Bato; you remember Bato, right? He was at the final invasion? Really tall?”</p>
<p>No, Zuko hadn’t heard about it. It must have been recent news, he told himself. His last letter from Sokka or Katara had arrived weeks ago; surely one of them would have told him Hakoda was getting married.</p>
<p>“Huh. That’s exciting,” Zuko said.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I don’t think he likes me,” Aang added, and Zuko snorted.</p>
<p>“Everyone likes you, Aang.”</p>
<p>“<em>You </em>didn’t like me!” <br/>“Well, I do now,” he said, poking Aang in the ribs.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you do. Katara’s taking the whole remarriage thing really well. I guess the two of them have been in love, like, forever, but they just didn’t realize it. And no offense to my future father-in-law? Or fathers-in-law? But how could they not tell? I thought love was something you couldn’t hide,” said Aang.</p>
<p>“Maybe people show love in different ways,” said Zuko, gazing at Sokka and his daughter, who were laughing at something, their scrunched-up faces mirroring each other.</p>
<p>“I guess so. I know I can’t hide it,” Aang sighed, resting his elbow on Zuko’s shoulder. He rolled his eyes and wriggled away in an exaggerated movement.</p>
<p>“Aang, I can’t be your personal armrest. None of my advisors will respect me,” said Zuko.</p>
<p>Aang raised an eyebrow but moved his arm all the same. “But how else will I show you my love?” he asked, making puppy-dog eyes at Zuko.</p>
<p>“Visit more than once a year,” he said, with more bitterness than he meant to. “I’m sorry, I—”</p>
<p>“No, I’m sorry, Zuko,” Aang said, cutting him off before he had a chance to apologize. “I know I should visit more, and I <em>really want to, </em>but being the Avatar is hard. Even though the war is over…” he sighed. “There’s still so much people expect of me.”</p>
<p>He only brooded a moment before brightening up. “I know! How about I take you and Izumi on a vacation sometime? We could go to the swamp, or one of the other Air Temples.” He lowered his voice and leaned closer to Zuko, whispering, “There’s a <em>huge </em>statue of Avatar Yangchen at the Eastern Air Temple. I bet Izumi would love it.”</p>
<p>“I bet she would,” replied Zuko. “I hope you brought some paint. That doll you made her has seen better days, and the arrows are almost gone.”</p>
<p>Aang gasped. “I have just the thing!” he said, and bounded off towards Appa. Zuko felt his smile fall a little. A vacation sounded wonderful, but somehow farfetched. He couldn’t imagine the duties of the Avatar allowed time for a vacation. The work of the Fire Lord didn’t.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Uncle Sokka!” Izumi shrieked and ran full-throttle towards Sokka, who knelt down to pick her up and swing her around.</p>
<p>“Izumi! How’s my favorite baby?” he asked, planting a kiss on the top of her head.</p>
<p>“I’m not a baby! I’m <em>three!</em>” she screamed, holding up four fingers. She was still working on numbers.</p>
<p>“That’s four fingers, Izumi,” Zuko corrected, coming up behind her and folding a finger down. “One too many. And you won’t be three for another day.” Sokka watched him over the head of the antsy toddler, smiling with his whole face.</p>
<p>“Come here, you don’t get out of a hug, mister Fire Lord,” he said, pulling Zuko in close. Zuko rested his chin on Sokka’s shoulder and breathed in deep. The scent of salt air and the sea hit him. Sokka had traveled by ship this year, Aang having sent word weeks ago that he couldn’t make it to Izumi’s third birthday—something about an insurrection in the far reaches of the Earth Kingdom. Zuko closed his eyes, remembering a moment years earlier when he had been in the same position. He had assuaged Sokka then, that nothing would have to change, that nothing would be different. How he longed to go back to those days, when it seemed like his friends would always be close at hand.</p>
<p>Zuko didn’t have long to ruminate; his daughter was not happy about being an Izumi-sandwich, and soon made her feelings known.</p>
<p>“Daddyyy! You’re squishing me!” she hollered, kicking at both men. Zuko reluctantly let go. Sokka smiled at him, and Zuko fell victim to the same old familiar feeling.</p>
<p>“Uncle Sokka! I <em>have </em>to show you the pond! Min had babies!” Izumi shouted, wiggling in Sokka’s grip. Much like her father, Izumi was enamored with the turtleducks and proudly showed them off to every visitor.</p>
<p>“Here you go,” he said, setting her down, where she continued to squirm. Some days, Izumi seemed incapable of standing still. “I know: how about you show us to the pond and your dad and I will walk behind you? Does that sound good?” asked Sokka.</p>
<p>“Yes!” Izumi screamed, and took off running. Sokka let out a good-natured laugh and turned to Zuko, still smiling. “After you, your royal highness,” he said, with an exaggerated bow. Zuko rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“Get over here; I missed you,” he said, pulling Sokka towards him and looping an arm through his. “How have things been since your last letter?” he asked as they started off down the hallway, following the sound of Izumi’s footsteps.</p>
<p>Zuko only half-listened to Sokka’s reply. He instead watched his friend, relished their closeness, tried to commit to memory the way his lips moved as he spoke, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. There were many things Zuko wished had not changed in the years since the war ended—Sokka’s glow up was not one of them. He had grown taller, his long arms and legs all muscle. He and Katara shared the same high cheekbones, though Sokka’s were now bordered by an admirable beard. His mustache still hadn’t come in, though. His hair was also longer than it had been, Zuko noticed. Not as long as Zuko’s, which fell down past his shoulder blades when loose, but it had long outgrown the wolftail he had in the past. The sides were longer, too, and curled around the back of his ears. Zuko quickly suppressed the urge to reach out brush it aside.</p>
<p>“…and then, she said I couldn’t bring the tiger-seal into the house! Can you believe that?” He turned to Zuko, who was still entranced by Sokka’s hair. “Dude? You with me?” he asked, jostling Zuko with their linked arms.</p>
<p>“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” he said, blinking. “That totally sounds like Katara.”</p>
<p>“Dude, I was talking about Suki,” said Sokka, giving him a strange look. Zuko blushed furiously and made a show of looking ahead to where Izumi had gotten distracted from her mission and was squatting by the base of a pillar, poking an unlucky insect.</p>
<p>“Suki. Sorry,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“You asleep? Do I bore you that much?” Sokka teased.</p>
<p>“Something like that,” he answered. Sokka let out an exaggerated sigh, but smiled all the same.</p>
<p>“Well, just in case you <em>missed </em>everything I just said, not a lot has happened since my last letter. At least to me, anyway. Dad and Bato moved to Harbor Town, to help Katara with the whole chief thing. I know she appreciates it—I swear, the population of that place is rising every day. Suki came to visit, too. She didn’t bring all her warriors with her this time, which was nice. I wish she would have stayed longer, though. I don’t think she likes the cold, which is crazy, considering how thick her Kyoshi get up is. Like, just wear some more clothing!”</p>
<p>“You two are still together?” asked Zuko. In the intervening years, he had received a letter from Sokka that originated on Kyoshi Island, informing him that he and Suki were “official”. He insisted to himself that he truly was happy for his friends, ignoring the desire that clawed at him.</p>
<p>Sokka nodded. “I thought you didn’t like long-distance.” His face shifted.</p>
<p>“We’re making it work. She visits me, I visit her…” he trailed off. There was a pause. Zuko thought about pulling his arm free of Sokka’s, but realized he would not be brave enough to link their arms again.</p>
<p>“How’s your sister?” asked Sokka, lowering his voice with a glance at Izumi, who was back to running down the seemingly endless hallways. Zuko swallowed.</p>
<p>“She’s…” he sighed. “Not good. We—me and her doctors—we thought she was getting better. But then a few weeks ago, out of nowhere, she started asking about our father, wanting to know where he was, if she could talk to him. When I told her no, she became agitated. She started screaming, talking like she used to, throwing fire and lightning at the walls…” Zuko grit his teeth. “I told them to tie her down. I’m afraid she’s going to hurt herself, or someone else,” he said, his voice just above a hush.</p>
<p>Sokka squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“I just thought—I don’t know. I thought it would be easier,” said Zuko. “Like father was the one who made her that way, and since he can’t get to her anymore, I thought maybe it would all…go away. Maybe we could go back to the way we were.” Sokka was silent. Zuko knew he too had come to the realization that there was no going back to way things were. He didn’t dwell. Instead, he tugged at Sokka’s arm and picked up his pace. “Come on. If Izumi’s alone for too long, I’m afraid she’ll try to bring a turtleduck inside. Our housekeeper threatened to quit if she does it again, and I really don’t want to have to find a new one.”</p>
<p>“Wait, again?” Sokka asked, laughing, quickening his pace to match Zuko’s.</p>
<p>“She said the turtleducks didn’t like the weather, but it was spring, so I have no clue what she was talking about…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Izumi had not kidnapped a turtleduck; instead, she was knee-deep in the mucky pond water, her socks and slippers lying at the base of a tree. She perked up she saw her father and Sokka coming. “Daddy! Look!” she shouted, jumping up and down, sending water all over her clean clothing. “I’m a turtleduck! Quack!” Zuko groaned inwardly.</p>
<p>“Izumi, we’ve talked about this,” he said, patient but firm. “The turtleducks don’t like it when you splash in their water. How would you like it if a stranger came and jumped on your bed?” Izumi wasn’t listening.</p>
<p>“Quack, quack, quack! Look, I’m a waterbender!” she said, kicking her leg up to reveal a muddy foot, sending water and mud flying across the neatly trimmed lawn. Zuko’s eye twitched. Sokka extricated himself from Zuko’s arm and moved towards Izumi, careful to avoid the splashing.</p>
<p>“Hey kiddo, didn’t you promise to show me the babies?” Izumi gasped.</p>
<p>“Yes!” she screamed and started to make her way across the pond, water lapping at the hem of her tunic. “They’re over here!”</p>
<p>“Huh? What’s that? I can’t hear you! You’re too far away. You have to come out of the pond and get closer, so I can hear you,” said Sokka, holding a hand to his ear. Izumi giggled and ran out of the water and around the pond, churning up mud and grass.</p>
<p>“Down here!” she yelled, squatting by a clump of reeds, sticking her hands in the dirt. Zuko didn’t bother to suppress his sigh. Maybe she <em>would </em>be an earthbender someday, considering how much she loved dirt, or at least loved getting it on her clothing.</p>
<p>Sokka knelt down beside her, ooing and aaing at all the right moments as Izumi pointed out the eggs hidden in the reeds. Zuko watched the two of them, feeling that old familiar ache as Sokka ruffled Izumi’s hair and held her grimy hand as they walked around the courtyard, Izumi pointing out her favorite trees and rocks. It was irrational to feel this way, he told himself. Sokka was happy with Suki, he was content with Izumi. <em>So why was this so hard? </em></p>
<p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Only one more chapter ;_; I'm going to try my best to have Chapter Eight ready by next Tuesday. It's halfway done, but college is kicking my ass and I have a million essays to write, so it may be a day or two late. That being said, I'm going to make an effort to have it ready on time. Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Tuesday! I can't believe the final chapter is here already (and I can't believe I finished it in time!). Warning for brief reference to pregnancy loss.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko shivered, pulling his robes tighter around him. It was late summer, so why was the South Pole on the cusp of a blizzard? Izumi didn’t seem to mind the cold. She shrieked with joy as she chased snow flurries, occasionally face-planting into the powdery snow underfoot.</p>
<p>When Aang and Sokka had arrived on Appa’s back a week before Izumi’s fifth birthday with an invitation to go on a trip, after months without a single letter from either of them, they hadn’t told him where they would be going. Sokka had assured him that his thin silk clothing, perfectly adequate for Fire Nation summers, would be fine. At least he’d had the sense to pack something warm for Izumi.</p>
<p>“Which one of these is yours?” he asked Sokka, looking around at the scattered houses, trying to stop his teeth from chattering.</p>
<p>“That one, at the end!” Sokka replied, pointing a gloved hand at a round house only just visible through the snow, which was starting to fall thick and fast. He didn’t seem to be bothered by the cold, though that may have been because he was wearing a parka and snow boots. “Let’s get you inside. You can borrow some of my clothes,” he said, slinging an arm around Zuko’s shoulders. He melted into the touch, embarrassed at how much he looked forward to the idea of wearing Sokka’s clothes. <em>It’s just because I’m freezing, </em>he lied to himself.</p>
<p>“Sorry Aang and I didn’t tell you where we were going, but we wanted it to be a surprise.”</p>
<p>“You couldn’t have at least told me to wear something warm?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but then you would have guessed! Where else do you need warm clothes this time of year?” Sokka protested.</p>
<p>“The North Pole?” Sokka laughed and pulled Zuko closer.</p>
<p>“Come on, buddy. I don’t want to have to explain to your advisors why I’m giving them back a Fire Lord popsicle.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a house made of ice, it was blessedly warm inside. The walls and floors were covered in thick furs and woven rugs, and the smoky scent of the fire pit in the middle put Zuko at ease. Izumi wanted nothing to do with it, however—she threw a fit when Zuko tried to usher her inside, wanting to play in the snow even though the blizzard was fast approaching.</p>
<p>Zuko lit the fire and Sokka grilled something that smelled like chicken-pig over it. That brought Izumi inside quicker than Zuko thought it would. It had been a long flight from the Fire Nation, and they were both hungry.</p>
<p>“What’s that?” she asked, squatting by the edge of the fire as Sokka rotated their dinner on a spit.</p>
<p>“Tiger-seal,” he replied. Izumi wrinkled her nose. Hungry, but not hungry enough to try unfamiliar food, it seemed.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>For the record, this was <em>not </em>Zuko’s idea. In fact, of all the scenarios involving him and Sokka that had played in his head over the years, this one had never shown up. It wasn’t what he expected to happen after complaining about how the cold dried out his skin, but Zuko definitely wasn’t complaining now.</p>
<p>“I have lotion inside the house,” Sokka had said, nodding back at the hut as wiped snow off his gloves. The two of them, along with Aang and Katara, who had come up from Harbor Town, were helping Izumi build a snow dragon. She had been eager to play outside all day and finally got her chance after dinner. With a little waterbending, they now had a dragon large enough for Izumi to climb up the head and slide down the tail. “Want me to show you?” Zuko couldn’t say no.</p>
<p>He groaned as the warmth of the house hit him. Despite the furred hood of Sokka’s old parka, Zuko was still freezing. The warmth from the fire, and the strong scent of seal from dinner that still hung in air made for a welcome respite from the bitter wind. He felt a little bad about pawning a hyperactive Izumi off on Katara and Aang, but listening to their delighted yells outside, the guilt faded.</p>
<p>“Over here. Come sit with me,” said Sokka, motioning to the furs in front of him. Zuko plopped down, peeling off his wet gloves and flinging them in the direction of the fire. Sokka popped the lid off a small ivory jar, revealing a pale lavender cream inside. An unfamiliar scent wafted up.</p>
<p>“What is that?” Zuko asked, closing his eyes as he inhaled.</p>
<p>“Tundra berry,” replied Sokka, dipping a finger into the stuff and whipping it up. “In the summer—when it’s <em>really </em>summer, not frozen, like now—some of the ice melts closer to the coast, and bushes full of tundra berries pop up. The berries are blue, but they have these little white flowers…” his voice trailed off as he drew his fingers up from the jar, a glob of lotion on top. Zuko stared, transfixed.</p>
<p>“Give me your hand,” said Sokka, reaching out his. It wasn’t a request.</p>
<p>“I know how to put lotion on,” Zuko protested, attempting to grab the jar. Sokka slapped his hand out of the way. <br/>“No, you don’t. Give it,” he said, making grabby motions with the non-lotion-covered hand. Zuko gave in, stretching a single hand to Sokka. He sandwiched Zuko’s hand between his, warm and broad and slick from the lotion. He flashed back to five years earlier, the first time they had touched. In a way, not much had changed since then—Sokka’s hands still felt the same, hot despite the cold around them, gentle as though Zuko were something that could break. He could feel the rough callouses of his fingertips as he massaged the lotion in. Zuko was embarrassed at how good it felt. He risked a glance down at their joined hands—until then, he had pointedly stared at a wall hanging above Sokka’s head—and the sight made his heart pound.</p>
<p>“See?” Zuko could hear the smirk in his voice, though it was not unkind. “I know you’re too stoic to ever admit it, but this is better than doing it yourself.” Zuko gulped, and definitely did <em>not</em> think about the innuendo.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” A thought came to him. It was risky, sure, but he had never been one to shy from danger. Izumi was occupied—from the sounds of it, she wasn’t going to ever let Aang and Katara stop playing. <em>Good—I may be a while. </em>“Actually, you know what? My shoulders have been really dry lately, too. It’s the strangest thing—”</p>
<p>“Off. And turn around,” said Sokka, flicking a drop of lotion at Zuko. His grin only deepened as his friend huffed and wiped the lotion away. “Dude, they’re my clothes anyway. If you don’t want more lotion on them, take them off,” he said, enjoying the blush that threatened to spill across Zuko’s face.</p>
<p>He scowled, but there was no weight to it. Zuko turned around and twisted the parka off over his head, careful to toss it within reach. Izumi would come back in eventually, and while it was nothing she hadn’t seen, Zuko didn’t necessarily want Aang and Katara to see him shirtless. He still hadn’t taken Sokka up on his offer to visit the Northern Water Tribe and their amazing healers—there had been too many constraints on his time in the beginning, and with the resumption of the medicine that had given him a slightly less wispy mustache, he felt the need for the procedure less and less. Still, he wasn’t jumping at the chance to be shirtless in front of his friends. Zuko refused to question why he didn’t feel the same way about Sokka.</p>
<p>Zuko shivered as a glob of lotion landed on his shoulder. Gravity began to pull it down before a warm hand rubbed at it. He bit back a groan, mortified at how good it felt.</p>
<p>“I hope you know you’re doing this for me later,” said Sokka. Zuko could hear the smirk in his voice.</p>
<p>“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so you’re enjoying this?” Zuko couldn’t help the noise that came out of him as a thumb dug into his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Nope. Not at all,” he choked out, praying that the furious blush he felt on his cheeks wouldn’t spread to his neck. He heard Sokka laugh before both thumbs pressed into his shoulder blades. He didn’t bother suppressing a groan this time.</p>
<p>“So, how are you liking the South?” asked Sokka, seemingly planning to torture Zuko with small talk.</p>
<p>“It’s <em>cold. </em>It’s too cold for me, and I can literally breathe fire. How do you guys stand it?” he griped.</p>
<p>“It’s not that bad, once you get used to it,” he replied. “Sounds like Izumi’s loving it.” Zuko could hear her shrieking with joy outside, ordering Aang and Katara to toss her higher, higher. He purposefully didn’t think about what they were doing—it would only make him nervous.</p>
<p>“I promised she would see snow for her birthday. Her tutor is from the mountains, and she always tells her about snow, ice, stuff like that,” said Zuko. “And I wanted to see you guys. All of you—I haven’t seen Katara in years,” he added. “When are she and Aang going to get married?” he asked, twisted his head back. Sokka shrugged.</p>
<p>“No clue. A proposal is a little overdue, if you ask me.” He stopped massaging Zuko’s shoulders for a moment. “I think Aang might be scared of my dad. He told me he wants to get his permission before proposing, because he’s all old-fashioned like that. I told him Katara would think that’s sexist, but he was really big on the idea.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” Zuko thought for a moment, turning back around to stare at his lap. “How many kids do you think they’re going to have?” he asked. He knew Aang and Katara too well to think that it was a question of “if”.</p>
<p>Sokka snorted. “Tons. Like, a frightening number of children. This place is going to be overrun with babies. I’m surprised they haven’t even scooped up any pitiful orphans yet. Or, you know, neglected children, on the run with not a penny to their name, with nothing left to lose. You know the type?” he added playfully, his hands migrating to between Zuko’s shoulder blades.</p>
<p>Zuko shrugged. “I’ll send a letter to Katara if I find any urchins living outside the palace,” he said.</p>
<p>“I know she’ll appreciate it. But seriously, my uncle-skills are going to be tested. The two of them both want kids so badly, and I just know—” he punctuated his statement with a jab that made Zuko wheeze— “I know I’m going to be babysitting. A lot. I hope Izumi wants playmates,” he added.</p>
<p>Zuko smiled, and he could tell Sokka was smiling, too, in spite of his griping. “She does. She has so many friends—I don’t know where she finds them all. The amount of playdates I have to chaperone—” he shook his head. “She adores Katara and Aang. She’ll be over the moon when they have children.”</p>
<p>Other than Sokka’s small noise of assent, the two sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to Izumi’s shouts outside. Zuko closed his eyes and rested his chin on his fist, letting himself relax for the first time in ages. He breathed in the smoky scent of the fire, which was smoldering in a pit at the center of the house. The corners of his mouth tugged up in a slight grin—it would be easy as a party trick to stoke the flame higher without even looking at it, feeding the fire until it licked the roof. It would certainly freak Sokka out, but then he wouldn’t get his back rubbed. Zuko decided against it, and returned to immersing himself in the moment.</p>
<p>He could hear the wind whistling through minute cracks in the walls and knew it should have made him cold. Instead, he felt warmth running through him like molten gold, lighting him up from the inside like some kind of volcano. He wanted to melt on the spot, let the warmth inside consume him, and never leave Sokka’s house. His thoughts drifted, his half-asleep brain churning up a fantasy of falling asleep there tonight, and waking up just as warm the next morning, rolling over on top of the thick furs and feeling another body brush up against his…</p>
<p>A particularly hard press sent Zuko tilting forward precariously. He let out a choked, startled noise as he thrust his hands forward to steady himself, and at the same time felt two broad hands, one on each shoulder, pulling him back.</p>
<p>“Asleep already?” Sokka asked. Zuko could hear the smirk in his voice, but didn’t look back because of the blush he felt burning across his cheeks. He prayed the flush wouldn’t spread to his neck and shoulders. He mumbled out a reply and ignored how the warmth inside him leapt and curled at the sound of Sokka’s laugh.</p>
<p>“She sure wears you out, huh?” he asked, at the sound of a particularly loud shriek from Izumi, followed by raucous laughter from Aang and Katara.</p>
<p>“Yeah. But it’s worth it. She’s worth it.”</p>
<p>“I know you said she was a surprise,” Sokka asked, sounding hesitant, “but did you always…want her? Like, know you were going to keep her?”</p>
<p>“No,” Zuko answered, shocked at his sudden candor. “No. I spent the first couple months thinking up ways it could end. I thought my malnourishment would be enough. It wasn’t until Azula hit me, in that abandoned Earth Kingdom town—you were there, remember? —when I thought I might lose her. Before I even knew who she was, who she would be. In that moment, all I could think was no, no this can’t happen. It was like…instinct, maybe,” he trailed off. “But I wouldn’t change it now. Not for all the thrones in the world.”</p>
<p>Sokka ran his fingers down the sharp angles of Zuko’s shoulder blades. It hadn’t escaped his attention how Sokka’s touch had grown lighter as they talked, until now he seemed to be doing little more than tracing the rise and fall of his bones, the fine lines of scars from a lifetime of war.</p>
<p>“You two seem so happy,” Sokka began, before pausing a moment, his hands also stopping to rest on Zuko’s ribcage. “Do you ever think…could you want…” he asked haltingly, a familiar old crack returning to his voice. “Have you ever wanted there to be three of you?” he squeaked out.</p>
<p>“Oh, no way. I am <em>not </em>having another kid. Ever since Izumi found out I can have babies, she hasn’t stopped asking for a baby sibling. And you know what? Sometimes I even consider it, just so she can have someone to play with and not interrupt my meetings. But there’s no one I would want to…” Zuko’s words fell away as he twisted around to look at Sokka, whose hands had dropped to his lap. His mouth opened enough to let out a small, surprised “<em>oh</em>”, as understanding struck him at the sight of Sokka’s pained face.</p>
<p>“<em>Oh, </em>you meant—”</p>
<p>“It’s nothing. Forget it—it was silly question,” Sokka said, not looking at Zuko as he turned to wipe his hands clean.</p>
<p>“But why? I mean why are you asking me?” asked Zuko, dumbstruck. “You have a girlfriend!”</p>
<p>Now it was Sokka’s turn to look confused. “What are you talking about?” he said, turning back around to face Zuko.</p>
<p>“Uh, your girlfriend. Suki. Who you’ve been dating for, I don’t know, <em>years?” </em>For a long, strange moment, they sat and stared at each other with matching expressions of bewilderment. Then, to Zuko’s continued bafflement, a smile split Sokka’s face and he threw his head back and laughed.</p>
<p>“What? <em>What</em>? Why are you laughing?” Zuko asked, his voice plaintive as he inched closer to Sokka, who was still wheezing.</p>
<p>He wiped a single tear off his red face and sighed, his smile still blindingly joyful. “I’m an idiot. <em>You’re </em>an idiot,” he got out, before he fell back onto a pile of furs, laughing again.</p>
<p>Zuko, still shirtless, clambered on his hands and knees over to where Sokka lay. “<em>What. </em>Are you talking about?” he demanded, moving Sokka’s arm from where he had thrown it over his eyes.</p>
<p>“<em>The letters. </em>You never got my letters. You have no <em>idea</em>…” he trailed off into hysterics, moving to cover his face again when Zuko grabbed his wrists and pinned them at his sides.</p>
<p>“<em>Sokka. </em>What the <em>fuck </em>are you talking about?” he asked, staring down at his friend. Sokka giggled, sounding almost drunk.</p>
<p>“You said you didn’t get our invitation to come—you didn’t get my letters. I sent you one almost six months ago. We broke up—Suki and I broke up. I don’t have a girlfriend anymore, Jerk Lord. That’s why I was asking you, if you wanted…” his words fell off as he regained some semblance of shame, and as he realized the exact position he was in. “Um, do you want to put on—”</p>
<p>“Why’d you break up?” asked Zuko, who didn’t move.</p>
<p>“Irreconcilable differences,” he deadpanned. “She wanted to stay on Kyoshi Island. Her warriors are the most important thing in her life. It’s not that I wasn’t important to her, too, but duty calls, I guess. She was always going to put her people first, and I didn’t want to move away from my family, so…”</p>
<p>“So.”</p>
<p>“So I’m single now. I mean, unless…”</p>
<p>“Unless?” said Zuko, with a small yet menacing grin.</p>
<p>“Unless you answer my question, stupid,” replied Sokka, wiggling in Zuko’s grip. He didn’t let up, and instead pressed down harder as he leaned in.</p>
<p>“I think we need to talk about this first. <em>Jerk Lord</em>,” he added, final letting up.</p>
<p>“You can’t call me that! That doesn’t even make sense,” said Sokka, rubbing at his wrists as he sat up. Zuko reached for his discarded parka but didn’t put it on, instead holding it in his lap. He felt electric, like the volcano in him was threatening to explode. In spite of the chill, a flush spilled across his cheeks and down his chest.</p>
<p>“So? Talk to me,” Sokka said finally, resting his elbows on his knees as he stared down Zuko, who suddenly found his bravery waning.</p>
<p>“The last time you asked me that…I wanted to say yes. I <em>really </em>wanted to say yes, and you have no idea how much it hurt me to walk away. Or maybe you do, but that’s not the point. I couldn’t say yes back then because Izumi was just so small, and she needed me to be there for her. And everything else, with the war, my father, Azula…it just wasn’t the right time.”</p>
<p>“Is now the right time?” Sokka asked, his voice gentle.</p>
<p>“She’s older now. She still needs me, and I still need her. And being the Fire Lord isn’t much easier than fighting a war. But I think…” he trailed off and his eyes drifted downward, towards Sokka’s parka in his lap. “I want to try. If that’s what you want,” he added hurriedly, glancing back up. Sokka was beaming, and practically buzzing with excitement.</p>
<p>“<em>Of course </em>that’s what I want,” he said, scooting forward to close the gap between him and Zuko. He didn’t reach out his hands, but instead bumped their knees together, and pressed a booted foot to Zuko’s leg. “Don’t get me wrong, we really need to talk some more, but do you want to—”</p>
<p>“Daddydaddydaddy!” The thick sealskin covering the entrance to the house tore back with a thwack as Izumi barreled in, undeterred by the short entryway. “Hi Uncle Sokka! Did you hear me playing? Daddy, what are you doing? Are you cold?” Zuko bit back the world’s heaviest sigh, and Sokka’s face plopped into his hands.</p>
<p>“Sorry, guys, I couldn’t stop her!” Katara’s snowflake-covered head appeared in the doorway, soon followed by the rest of her. Zuko quickly shrugged on the parka and seized the brief lull in Izumi’s questions to answer her, and hopefully dispel any questions Katara may have had.</p>
<p>“I was just getting a back rub, Zuzu,” he said, reaching out to brush snowflakes from Izumi’s topknot. She darted away, never staying still for even a moment. Katara, followed by Aang, who soon emerged from the entryway, tried to corral Izumi, or at least stop her from running into the fire. Zuko pointedly ignored the way Aang’s mouth hung ajar at the sight of Zuko’s backwards parka, and how Katara and Sokka traded indecipherable looks. He quickly shrugged the park the right way around.</p>
<p>“Sorry about that,” Zuko murmured, leaning in closer to Sokka so Izumi (along with her wranglers), who was growling at a wolf pelt, wouldn’t hear.</p>
<p>“It’s alright,” sighed Sokka, resting his head on his palm. “I was going to ask if you wanted to have a sleepover, but maybe tomorrow night.” Zuko was unable to control his blush at the mention of the word ‘sleepover’, and Sokka laughed. “Go get your child, daddy,” he said, slapping Zuko on the back as he got up. A familiar heat prickled at his cheeks as Zuko swallowed the ache he felt at seeing Sokka walk away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Daddy.” Kick. “<em>Daddy.</em>” Zuko’s eyes squinted open.</p>
<p>“What, Izumi?” he asked, his voice muffled in his daughter’s hair. She had decided to sleep on top of him tonight, and Zuko being the pushover he was, allowed it. He guessed it had to do with being away from home—since he became Fire Lord, Izumi had never slept outside the palace walls. Also, she clung to her father because of her chief complaint of the night—</p>
<p>“Daddy, I’m <em>cold</em>,” she whined. “Why’d you have to turn out the fire?” He sighed and pulled a thick blanket tighter around them, and placed his hands on his daughter’s back. She made it hard to breathe, but she did help with the chill. Besides, Zuko was sure she would roll off at some point in the night. <em>After </em>she stopped complaining and fell asleep.</p>
<p>“I told you, I don’t want you accidentally hurting yourself,” he said, far too patient for the late hour.</p>
<p>“I won’t. I’m a big kid, daddy. Fire won’t hurt me.” Zuko’s heart twisted, and he wrapped his arms tighter around Izumi. He pressed his nose into her hair, remembering how he carried her on his chest when she was an infant. Had he really walked halfway around the world just to keep her safe? It seemed like so long ago, yet he could still recall the ache in his feet and stomach, still awoke sweating sometimes, terrified that the dawn would bring his sister one step closer to him.</p>
<p>“I know, baby. But I worry. It’s my job to take care of you. To keep you safe.”</p>
<p>“I’m not a baby,” she mumbled, already sounding sleepy.</p>
<p>“You’ll always be my baby,” he said, kissing the top of her head. Her griping let up for a few moments. The only sound was the quiet in-and-out of their breathing, and the whisper of the wind against the walls of the house. Zuko tried to ignore how cold his toes really were, and made a mental note to beg Sokka for some socks.</p>
<p>“Daddy?” Izumi murmured, and Zuko bit back a groan. He had just closed his eyes when Izumi stirred.</p>
<p>“Yes?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too, baby,” he replied. He would never get tired of hearing that.</p>
<p>“Not a baby,” she mumbled again.</p>
<p>“Go to sleep,” he sighed, smiling as he turned his head to the side. It was almost like being back at the Western Air Temple—long evenings spent with his friends, talking and laughing around the fire, nights spent laying on the thin bed in his room, his infant daughter asleep on his chest. Zuko let the memories envelop him as he slipped into sleep, dreaming of falling snow and a pair of rough, broad hands.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Hours spent playing in the snow the day before hadn’t seemed to tire out Izumi. If anything, she was even more rambunctious than yesterday, waking up at the crack of dawn and shaking Zuko until he woke up. Having failed to get Izumi back to bed, Zuko decided to inflict his exhaustion on his friends, and roused Aang, Katara, and Sokka, too. That was how they ended up on a hillside overlooking a squawking flock of penguins, squinting as the early morning sun shone bright on the snow. Aang still naively believed Izumi’s energy could be drained, and suggested penguin sledding as a way to wear her out. Zuko agreed, if only to delight in the indignity of his friends riding penguins.</p>
<p>Izumi sat on Katara’s shoulders, dangling a dried fish with her gloved hand. “Here, pengy-pengy! I have fishies for you!” she cried, leaning dangerously far to one side. Katara readjusted her grip on Izumi’s parka, yanking her back forward. The parka had been hers as a child, and she had insisted Izumi wear it, given the weather. Zuko laughed watching Katara, and soon Aang, struggle to keep Izumi from falling headfirst into the ice. Normally he would have marched down there and snatched his child away, taken her somewhere less slippery and less cold, where she would have less opportunities to harm herself. But instead, for the first time in a while, he felt safe. More than that, he felt that Izumi was safe—he <em>knew </em>she was safe.</p>
<p>“I kept thinking about you last night.” Sokka appeared at his side, somehow spared from penguin wrangling.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Zuko was too tired to think of something witty to say. He would have been lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking about Sokka too.</p>
<p>“Do you still want to—”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Zuko interjected, not bothering to listen to the rest of Sokka’s question. He would have answered the same no matter what he asked.</p>
<p>Sokka snorted. “Let me finish my question, you clown. I was going to ask, do you still want to try? This? Dating?” He waved his hands around as he talked, as though trying to mold the air into the image of such a nebulous concept.</p>
<p>“What kind of question is that?” said Zuko, forgetting all shame and snaking an arm around Sokka’s waist, pulling him close.</p>
<p>“Answer me, Zuko.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Zuko immediately squeaked, embarrassed at the way Sokka’s tone made him flush. Sokka just smiled and pressed his side against Zuko, draping his arm around him. For a few moments they were quiet, listening to Izumi alternately taunt and cajole the penguins below. Then Sokka leaned his cheek, rough with stubble, against Zuko’s, and whispered, “How long?”</p>
<p>Zuko hummed. “Be more specific. How long what?”</p>
<p>“How long have you wanted this?” Sokka asked. Zuko watched his breath puff into shimmering clouds before dissipating into the chill air as thought about his answer.</p>
<p>“A while. A long while.” He paused for a moment and closed his eyes. “Since the first time you asked. I wanted it so much it hurt. But I knew I wasn’t ready then, and if I had said yes, it would only have hurt us both.” Sokka didn’t speak, but Zuko could feel him nod against his cheek.</p>
<p>“You don’t get out of this—how long have you?” Zuko asked, rocking against Sokka, making them both sway on their feet.</p>
<p>Sokka laughed and moved his head away, leaving Zuko aching for his warmth. “When you came to the Air Temple, and you told us why you were there. Where you had been, how you had gotten there. I guess I started thinking of you as a person then, and not just some mindless bad guy. Don’t give me that look! You tried to kill us, like, multiple times,” he said, squeezing Zuko’s waist, prompting him to let out a very undignified noise. “But seriously, that was the first time I really saw you, who you were apart from who you were told to be. And I just couldn’t stop thinking about that person.”</p>
<p>Zuko lied to himself that his eyes were watering because of the biting cold, and no other reason. “How are we going to do this?” he asked softly.</p>
<p>“Well you see, when two adults love each other very much—” Sokka began, before Zuko cut him off with an elbow to the ribs.</p>
<p>“Shut up,” he said, in a loving way. “I mean how is this going to work out? You broke up with Suki because her duty to Kyoshi Island was more important than your relationship, and you said you didn’t want to leave the South Pole. You know how important Izumi and my job are to me. <em>Will </em>this work out?” he asked, suddenly panicking. <em>Did I just ruin a friendship because I was infatuated and lonely? </em></p>
<p>“Hey, hey buddy, breathe,” Sokka said, rubbing circles on Zuko’s back. “Everything’s alright. You’re okay. And this <em>can </em>work out. We’ll just have to try.” Zuko’s breathing finally evened out, and he was left exhausted when the panic passed. He slumped, laying his head on Sokka’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“No problem.” Sokka was quiet for a moment, continuing to idly rub Zuko’s back. “I have an idea,” he said after a moment, leaning his head on top of Zuko’s. Zuko <em>hmphed</em> into his shoulder, not wanted to move. “There’s an Earth Kingdom ambassador to the Fire Nation, right?” Zuko nodded. “And a Water Tribe ambassador?” Another nod. “But she’s from the Northern Water Tribe, isn’t she?”</p>
<p>“Sokka, where are you going with this?”</p>
<p>“We’re so different! We’re both the Water Tribe, but our interests and cultures are unique! It only makes sense that there should be a <em>Southern </em>Water Tribe ambassador, too,” Sokka finished. Zuko could feel his shoulders jump underneath his cheek, and knew Sokka was gesticulating wildly as he made his point. Reluctantly, he raised his head and blinked away exhaustion.</p>
<p>“I can’t appoint you ambassador. The chief needs to appoint you—the chief, who is your <em>sister</em>. That’s nepotism, Sokka.” Sokka just shrugged.</p>
<p>“Maybe we can hold an election. We’re very democratic, you know. I’ll be the first elected ambassador,” he said, and Zuko laughed.</p>
<p>“So when you’re ambassador Sokka, will you live at the palace year-round? Or just part of the year, and spend the rest of your time here?”</p>
<p>“I’ll spend summers here, and winters there. But I’ll always leave here in late summer, so I can be there for you and Izumi’s birthdays.”</p>
<p>“Have you thought about this before?”</p>
<p>“Maybe.” Zuko couldn’t do anything but grin. They would be okay.</p>
<p>On the snow-covered plain below, Aang had wrangled a penguin and was carrying it up the hill, his bare arms wrapped under the wriggling creature’s wings. Zuko still didn’t know how he was immune to the cold. Behind him, Katara and Izumi were trudging up the hill, hand in hand. Izumi tried to dash ahead, but with the snow cover reaching up to her knees, each step she took sent her face-first into the snow. Thankfully, Katara was there to yank her back up, and Izumi took it all in stride.</p>
<p>“Do you want to see Aang drop that penguin?” Sokka whispered, leaning in dangerously close to Zuko’s lips.</p>
<p>“Just what are you suggesting?” asked Zuko, whose grin had not subsided.</p>
<p>“If I kiss you right now and Aang sees, he’ll be so surprised he’ll probably drop it. If Katara sees, she’ll scream, and then Aang will <em>definitely </em>drop it.” For once, Zuko embraced the fervent beating in his chest and the swell of affection Sokka’s words brought.</p>
<p>“Mmm, but then Izumi will be upset,” he said, tightening his grip around Sokka’s waist and turning to face him.</p>
<p>“I’ll get another penguin for her. A bigger, better penguin.” He was too close to turn away now.</p>
<p>“Is that a promise?” Zuko asked. Sokka nodded, a devilish grin playing across his lips. Without another word, he closed the gap between them. Zuko closed his eyes as he melted against him, feeling Sokka’s other hand come to rest in his hair. He tasted like the salty dried seal they had both had for breakfast this morning—it was gross, but Zuko couldn’t bring himself to care. Zuko laid his free hand on Sokka’s shoulder, spinning him so they were fully facing each other. Neither one let up, even as Zuko heard Katara shriek and Izumi scream “What? What?” along with Aang hollering and his penguin flapping as it made it’s escape.</p>
<p>“What—you—”</p>
<p>“Sokka! <em>Zuko</em>!”</p>
<p>“Daddy!”</p>
<p>That last shout finally pulled Zuko away, the sudden shock of the cold against his lips bringing him back to the present. Izumi was charging her way up the hill, outstripping Katara and Aang, who seemed to be frozen in place, their mouths ajar. Katara’s head swiveled, looking back and forth to Aang and to her brother, her eyebrows all the way up to her hairline.</p>
<p>“<em>Daddy!</em>” Izumi was suddenly at Zuko’s feet, grabbing at his knees with her snow-covered mittens. “Give me a kiss!” she shouted, trying and failing to jump in the snow. Sokka threw his head back and laughed, sparking clouds in the cold air. Zuko gave in and reached down, bringing Izumi up with a squeal.</p>
<p>“I want a kiss!” she yelled before bonking her head against her father’s.</p>
<p>“Okay, okay!” Zuko laughed, obliging his daughter. As he peppered her forehead and hair with kisses, he could feel Sokka’s arm still warm around him.</p>
<p>“I want a kiss from <em>you!</em>” Izumi shouted, wiggling around in Zuko’s arms to face Sokka, whose eyebrows arched.</p>
<p>“From <em>me?</em>” he asked, pressing a hand to his chest.</p>
<p>“Yes!” Izumi giggled, and Sokka planted a kiss on her snowy hair with an exaggerated <em>mwah</em>. She shrieked with joy as Sokka pulled Zuko tight against him, squishing her between the two of them.</p>
<p>“I told you he would drop the penguin,” Sokka whispered, and Zuko snorted. He could see Aang out of the corner of his eye, dusting snow off the seat of his pants as Katara helped him up off the ground. It appeared he and penguin had fought, and the penguin won. Both of his friends were still staring, wide-eyed, with their mouths now twisting in impish grins.</p>
<p>Izumi gasped. “My penguin! Daddy, you have to help me catch another one. Help me catch a penguin, daddy! Let’s go!” she shouted, kicking her damp boots against the hem of her father’s borrowed parka.</p>
<p>Zuko let her down and she grabbed his hand, immediately tugging down towards the flock. “Come on!”</p>
<p>Zuko felt Sokka’s arm slip away, and for the first time, the absence didn’t ache. He knew he would be back in his arms soon.</p>
<p>“No more kisses?” he asked, a smile splitting his face.</p>
<p>Zuko shrugged as he let himself be pulled along. “Sorry! I told you, she always comes first. If my baby wants a penguin, she’s going to get a penguin. Right, Zuzu?”</p>
<p>“Not a baby!”</p>
<p>Zuko laughed, feeling tears slip out the corners of his eyes. Without a backward glance, he followed his daughter downhill, blinking into the light of the sun as it climbed higher in the sky, setting the icy world aglow.</p>
<p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That's it, folks! Thanks so much to everyone who read it, and to everyone who left comments and kudos. This is my first fanfic ever, and one of the first things I've written creatively since I was like, 13 (and also probably the only writing I've ever finished lmao). I definitely did not set out to write a 40k word fic, but I've enjoyed the experience :) Once again, thank you so much for reading!!!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please don't forget to leave kudos and comments! I will try my best to respond to every comment, and again, thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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